Living With Maniacs
by Lego Vasavouchi
Summary: My second try! Correction made, but not sure how it sounds. Marik, Ryou, and Bakura come to America to visit their friend...but the visit isn't as relaxing due to killer veggies, homicidal maniacs, tanks, and more! R&R, and u just might see it all happen!
1. Off to America

**Living With Maniacs**

Off to America

Ok, here we go. This is my second try at this ficcy; it got deleted the first time. But I have made the desired changes, and this is my test chapter. I was afraid putting it in paragraph form would take the funny out of it, but I want you, the reviewer, to give me your opinion on whether or not it is funny this way. Okay? I don't wanna take your focus off the chapter, so I'll leave you now.

Oh wait, disclaimer first. Put up the sign, Froggy! A giant yellow-bellied green froggy walks up, puts up sign DO NOT USE WHILE MOVING. -.-; That really isn't funny. The other one! Froggy scratches his head, puts up sign IF SWALLOWED, RINSE MOUTH WITH WATER AND CONTACT POISON CONTROL. O.OUU FINE! I'll do it. I do not own YuGiOh or anything else mentioned in this fic! Except Froggy.

In an apartment in London, a telephone rang. _Briiing! Briiiing!_

"Yami, would you get that?" Ryou called. "I'm in the shower!"

"Aibou, would you get that?" Bakura called back. "I'm watching the news!"

"Wha?" Ryou said, shocked. "You…are watching educational television? _Voluntarily?_"

"Yeah, some fire department is on fire," Bakura replied, cackling.

_Briiiing! Briiiing!_

"Oi! Just answer the phone!" Ryou yelled irritably.

"Feh," Bakura mumbled. He strolled over to the telephone and picked it up. "What do you want, you impudent nimrod?"

"_Yamiii_!" wailed Ryou.

"Oh, hi Bakura!" said a cheery voice on the other end of the phone. "This is Misty; can I talk to Ryou? I have an invite for him!" Bakura walked into the bathroom, yanked open the shower curtain, and handed the telephone to Ryou.

"It's for you. Some lady talking about the weather." O.o Ryou peeked out of the shower.

"Have you no respect for privacy?" he shouted.

"We shared a body, twit. You haven't anything I've not seen before," Bakura said dismiissively. He handed the phone to Ryou, then left the bathroom for the news. Ryou grumbled, turned off the shower, and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi Ryou! It's me!"

"Oi, nice to hear from you Mistaya! Excuse me a moment while I get dressed; Bakura handed me the phone while I was in the shower again." Misty salivated. O.O

"You do that…" Waits for Ryou to get dressed while imagining him in the shower "Ooh.."

"Ok, I'm almost-oi, gross!" Ryou said. "The phone is…drooling!

Misty closed her mouth. "Really? How odd…"

"Yes," Ryou said. "Alright then, I'm dressed. Now what was it you wanted to say?" He walked out of the bathroom, toweling his hair dry.

"Huh? I mean oh yeah!" Misty said, gathering her wits again. "Well, by some odd and unrealistic happenstance, my parents, three brothers, and three sisters have all left the house for a while…I think they went on vacation and left me behind. I guess I shouldn't have been sleeping in the closet that night…Anyways. I was wondering if maybe you and Bakura would like to come over and visit for a while? Since I'm all alone and don't know how long they'll be gone…"

"Well, that's sounds jolly good!" Ryou said cheerfully. "But I'm afraid I can't afford a plane ticket for Bakura and myself. They're very expensive on such a short notice, you know." He scratched the back of his head nervously. "So I really don't know…"

"Oh, no problem!" Misty said. "Just call up Marik, I'm sure he'll buy your tickets for you. I invited him and Malik, too!"

"O.oU Sounds like fun….alright, I'll give him a ring."

"Ok then, see ya'll soon!" Misty said.

"Yes, cheerio!" Ryou replied, then hung up. He sighed, then wiped his forehead. "Hmm, it feels oddly warm in here…"

"Hey Ryou!" Bakura called from in front of the television. "Come and look! The apartments next to the burning fire station are starting to catch fire!" He laughed maniacally. "Bwuahahahahaa!- hey, they look an awful lot like _our_ apartment houses…"

Ryou walked into the room, sniffing the air. "…do you smell something burning? … O.o"

Outside a burning apartment in London, Ryou sat spazzing. "This is awful! This is so bloody awful! Where will we go? What'll we do? Oh, I can't believe this.."

While watching the building burn and Ryou spazz-observing both with great pleasure- Bakura asked, "Say, what was that phone call about?"

Ryou stopped spazzing. "The..phone…call? D Hooray! We're saved!" He started doing his happy dance.

Bakura rolled his eyes and muttered, "And they say _I'm_ the weird insane one."

Ryou stopped dancing. "Of course you are! It just doesn't become overly obvious until later in this fic. If the great and powerful author of it decides to continue it, of course." : P

"Oh." says Bakura. "Good! Normalcy is for saps, anyways!"

Ryou slapped Bakura on the shoulder. "Alright, Yami! A quick phone call to Marik, and if all goes well we'll be on a plane to America in a few short hours!"

Bakura's eyes lit up. "Yay! I've never tortured _Americans_ before…"

A quarter of an hour later, Ryou stood at a pay phone conversing with Marik. "…and so I was wondering if perhaps you could buy us plane tickets-"

"Say no more!" Marik responded valiantly. "Actually, I already bought your plane tickets. Out of the goodness of my heart." D

"Ah, how nice! Say, I was wondering…how can you afford all this so easily? As far as I know, you don't really have a job or anything."

Bakura ran around in the background with London's famous pigeons flocking in his hair. "AUUGH! They pooped on me, the pooped on meeeee!"

"Well, it's really quite simple," continued Marik over the phone. "My sister owns her own line of cars! They're very popular in America, actually. They're even named after her!"

"Really? I've never heard of ISHIZUs before…"

"Well, she changed the spelling a bit…ever heard of ISUZU?"

"Oh, I see."

Bakura threw rocks at pigeons! "Ha! You'll regret ever messing with me, Thief King Bak- hey!" SPLAT "The poopie, it's in my eeeeyes-mpfp-bleck- and in my mouuuth!"

"Ah, sound's like Bakura's feeling well!" commented Marik.

"Same ol', same ol'," Ryou responded. "How's Malik?"

In the background of the telephone, Odion's voice was heard, yelling, "No! Master Malik, stop that RIGHT now!" A chainsaw revved up, and someone laughed maniacally. "Put that away! Master Malik, I'm warning you! Stay back…hey! Get away! EEEEeeeeeeek!" Loud footsteps were heard, and the sound of the chainsaw slowly faded into the distance.

"Good, good, he's good," Marik replied agreeably.

"Nice to hear."

"Yup. Ok, I've got to go if I want to catch my plane in time! It switches in London, so I'll see you at the airport! Bye!" Marik hung up the phone.

Ryou turned from the pay phone and said to Bakura- who was hanging onto a lamppost swatting at killer pigeons- , "Alright Bakura! On to the airport to meet Marik and Malik, and pretty soon we'll be on our way to America!"

Bakura stopped swatting at pigeons. "Great! So exactly where in America are we headed? New York? California? Florida? Hawaii?"

"OKLAHOMA!" D

Bakura fell off the lamppost.


	2. Disadvantages of Gold Jewelry

**Living With Maniacs**

Ch. 2- Disadvantages of Gold Jewelry

Whoohoo! Chapter two! Hey, that rhymed...anyways, next chappie up. Thanks so much for reviewing! You reviewers from my previous try, you guys are great. It can't be as funny the second time around! You may notice some minor changes, but of course a story is rewritten more that it is written. So onward!

Sitting outside Gate 13 in an airport in London, was Ryou. He scanned the crowds, twiddling his fingers. Suddenly his eyes lit up, and he leaped to his feet. "Hey, there he is! I see Marik!" he shouted to no one in particular. He began jumping up and down, still shouting. "Oi! Marik! Over here!" Bakura suddenly came up beside Ryou and shoved him back down onto his seat.

"Shut up, you prick! You're embarrassing me!" he hissed. Ryou turned red and lowered his eyes.

"Sorry. Hey, where have you been? I've been waiting alone for over twenty minutes!"

"Uh…" Bakura muttered, slipping a permanent marker into his back pocket. "The bathroom. I've been in the bathroom."

"You haven't been drawing pictures of naked Egyptian concubines again, have you Yami?" Ryou demanded, glaring at his evil half.

O.O Bakura scratched the back of his head, then leaned over and whispered to a little girl holding a teddy, "_I don't like thish guy. He readsh mindsh_…" _CLUNK_ The little girl hit Bakura on the head with her teddy bear -with considerable force, I might add- then ran away screeching, "Mommeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

o-O "Damn!" Bakura growled, hand on head. "What did that little snotball _have_ in that bear, bricks?"

In the men's bathroom of the same airport, an old man came out of one of the stalls and stared. On the mirror was a very skillfully drawn picture of a naked Egyptian concubine. "What the!" the old man wheezed, clutching at his chest. His wheezing intensified, his heart stopped, and he fell to the floor.

Walking out of Gate 13, panting and dragging a suitcase, came the Egyptian wonder. "Hey guys!" Marik panted. "Whew! ..man, why do _I _have to carry my _own_ suitcase?" -pant pant- "It's really not fair!"

o.o "You should have brought Odion along or something," Ryou said, watching Marik struggle with his suitcase. "Goodness, what have you got _in_ there?" The suitcase squeaked violently; Marik gave a hearty jerk, and a wheel popped off..

"General bathroom supplies." -pant wheeze pant- "Deodorant, body lotion, face lotion, shampoo, conditioner, air freshener, scented toilet paper-"

"Alright, alright!" exclaimed Ryou, his hands up in protest. "I get the idea! But do you honestly think you'll need all that? I'm sure Misty will provide that sort of stuff. She's a girl after all; she must be more hygienic than, say, Bakura?"

Bakura stood off to the side, ignoring the other two and chewing on his fingernails. "Hmm…tastes rather like pesticide…"

"Well, I use very _specific _stuff, so I'm not taking any chances," Marik said. Bakura looked up suddenly, and realized someone's missing.

"Hey, where's Malik?" he whined. "I thought I would be joined by another non-loser life form like myself!"

"I had to leave him behind," Marik replied. "He got sick all of a sudden; Odion's taking care of him. He says it was something Malik ate."

"No!" Bakura wailed. "I'm stuck with losers! LOSERS!" He leaped on Marik's back, still yelling about losers.

"Gaaaah!" Marik cried, losing his balance and toppling over backwards on top of Bakura.

"Waaiaaiaai! Help, owie, owie, I'm dying!" Bakura shrieked, flailing on the ground with Marik sitting on him.

"Goodness Bakura, hush!" Ryou scolded, helping the two up. "It can't be that bad! Are you both alright?" Marik carefully checked his butt for injuries.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he assured him. "The non-loser cushioned my fall." D

"Owie, OWIEE!" Bakura cried out, doing a painful dance with one hand on his butt and one on his…uh, front. "Owie owie OW! He stabbed me in the nuts with his buttbone!"

O.o "And to think _I _was embarrassing _him_ earlier," Ryou mumbled to himself.

"Owie owie OW!" continued Bakura. "And I sat on the marker!" He pulled the permanent marker from his back pocket. "I'm going to have the words _Unscented Permanent_ imprinted on my ass now!"

An airport security guard walked up to Bakura. "Sir, I'm going to have o ask you to keep it down. There are little children around, and the things you say may be offensive," he advised.

"Screw the little children!" Bakura raged. "I'll rip off their heads and spit down their necks! I'll feed the little children to rabid wombats! I'll-" _CLUNK_ Ryou whacked Bakura upside the head.

"Calm down, you'll get us all in trouble!" Ryou berated.

"Trouble? _Trouble_? You want TROUBLE?" Bakura roared. "I'll shove this marker up your troublesome-" _CLUNK_ Marik whacks Bakura upside the head.

"Will you shut_up_?" he growled. "Now come on and let's find our next boarding site, or we won't make the flight to New York!"

"New York?" queried Bakura, having completely forgotten his rage. "I thought we were going to Oklahoma."

"We are," Marik assured him, "the airport there doesn't do overseas flights.

"Oh."

"Let's go," Marik sighed, picking up his one-wheeled squeaky suitcase, the missing axle of which cut into the tile floor as he moved along. Bakura and Ryou followed obligingly, the darker of the two growling at random children on the way.

--The three traveler's found their correct gate and managed to board the correct plane in time with only a few minor mishaps on the way- Bakura getting hit on the head by irate mothers- and one major traffic jam at the metal detector, where Ryou nearly strangled Bakura trying to get him to take his Millennium Ring off, and then Marik couldn't go through until he removed every single piece of gold jewelry -aka his earrings, the gold bands around his neck, arms, wrists, waist, and ankles- but other than that all went well.--

Marik sat in his seat on the plane with his feet braced up against the chair in front of his, putting on his golden ankle bands. "Stupid metal detector," he muttered irately.

"Yami, do you want my little baggie of peanuts?" Ryou asked, holding up the said bag and shaking it. "I'm not hungry."

"No!" Bakura said, snatching away Ryou's peanuts. He then redirected his attention to his previous past-time. He tossed a peanut at the flight attendant, hoping to land it down her shirt.

"Ow!" the flight attendant exclaimed. "Something hit me in the eye!" She rubbed her eye, then shrugged and turns around to attend to an elderly passenger inquiring about the on-board lavatory.

"Need to improve my aim," Bakura mumbled to himself. "Aha! Now there's a target I can't miss!" He picked another peanut out of the baggie, judged the distance carefully, and chucked the nut at the flight attendants butt. _BOING_ The flight attendant didn't feel a thing. O-O "Wow. It's like a trampoline- but for peanuts!" Bakura observed, amazed.

Several hours later, the three trooped off the plane in New York, stretching and preparing to switch flights again.

"Well, I'm glad that flight went off without a hitch!" Ryou said cheerfully.

"Are you kidding me?" Bakura grumbled, rubbing his sore head. "I've been abused! I got hit on the head again…" He sniffled. "No one loves me…"

"Well, you deserved to get hit; you shouldn't have been throwing peanuts at the flight attendant!" Ryou berated.

"Fair enough," Bakura responds with a shrug. "But why did _you_ have to hit me-"

"You were going to send her to the Shadow Realm!"

"-twice?"

Ryou shrugged. "It relieves stress."

Marik struggled along behind them, his suitcase still squeaking horrendously. _"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happeeeee when skies are gray-"_ he sang happily.

"…might I ask who you are singing to?" Ryou asked.

"My hair." D


	3. Baggage Stickers and a Surprise Suitcase

**Living With Maniacs**

Ch. 3- Baggage Stickers and a Surprise Suitcase

Well, I was thrilled by the reviews, to say the least. Knowing how much people like my story is the one thing that helps keep my alive among the stress bath that is school. Just keep in mind that by reviewing, you are helping to preserve what little sanity I have left. Yes, that's a good thing cuz if I lose my marbles this story is history. P So thanks so much!

Well, thank our lucky stars, the three maniacs made it safely to the Will Rogers Airport in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Where they met Misty. A description of her? Well, alright. A very brief one. From Bakura.

"Hey, I see Mistaya!" Ryou said, scanning the crowd of people in the waiting area. "Over there!" He pointed.

Bakura followed the direction of his lighter half's finger and squinted. "You mean the blonde-haired green-eyed chic over there? The one jumping up and down and waving like a maniac? The one with the huge-"

"BAKURA!" Ryou berated, knowing what his yami was about to say. "_Yes_, that's her. Sheesh."

"Hey! Hey ya'll, over here!" Misty called, running up to the trio. "It's great to see ya!" she exclaimed, glomping Ryou.

O. "Can't….breathe…!" Ryou gasped, flailing in Misty's iron grip.

"I've never seen Ryou change that shade of purple before," Bakura observed. "I think I like this girl!" D

Marik drops his suitcase -on Bakura's foot- and spreads his arms for a hug. "What about me?" he asked with a cute little smile.

"Aiiiii! My tooooe!" shrieked Bakura, hopping up and down on one foot. "Owies.."

"What about you?" Misty asked without relinquishing her death grip on Ryou -who looks like this : X-X , his tongue hanging out, his face blue.

Marik faltered for a second, then recovered slightly; "Wu- well uh…m-m-m-my yami's back at home and he's d-deathly ill…"

"You poor thing!" Misty sympathized, letting go of Ryou -who crumples lifelessly to the floor- and glomping Marik. "You must be devastated! Worried half to death! Y- dude, you're bony!"

Bakura hopped along on one foot, still in pain. "Owie owie owie ow-" he tripped over Marik's suitcase- "Waaa-!" -thud- "owie." Ryou, on the other hand is lying on the ground, still unconscious.

"I am _not_ bony!" Marik retorted indignantly.

"Are too," Bakura muttered from his place on the floor. "I've got the bruises on my nuts to prove it…"

Misty snorted derisively at Marik. "Are you kidding me? How much to you weigh, sweetheart?"

Marik straightened proudly. "Forty eight point four kilograms."

O.o "In _English_ bud! Pounds!"

"Huh? Ugh, American units. Uhh.." Marik thought for a moment. "I dunno."

Misty growled violently and whipped a graphing calculator from out of her back pocket, muttering. "Stupid Egyptian bastard…making me do math when I'm not even in school….bloody metric system. THERE! You weigh one hundred and twenty one pounds."

Marik shuddered. "Dear Ra, that sounds unhealthy!"

"Damn straight it is!" Misty cried. "You need to put on some weight! Jeez, I way –bleep-- pounds more than you!"

------censored due to the fact that few women like to reveal their weight. Plus she's based off me and there's no way I'm telling you how much I weigh-------

While Misty ranted about Marik weight, Ryou slowly worked his way back to consciousness. "Mommy?" he mumbled. "Uh, have you seen my sock?" Bakura, in the meantime, sat on the floor wailing "I'm in _paaaaain_!"

"Anyways, I better take you guys home. Mebbe then I could fatten you up a bit! Lord knows you need it," Misty lectured. "How much do _you_ weigh, Ryou?"

"The doggy ate my sock?" Ryou murmured groggily.

"We weigh forty three point six kilos," Bakura spoke up, still on the floor. -clunk- Misty whacked him upside the head.

"No more MATH!" she screamed. She narrowed her eyes at Bakura. "You put it in kilos on purpose, didn't you…I thought the British used pounds!"

Bakura started whistling. "Maybe."

Misty growled again, then whipped out the calculator.

"Oi. Just so you know," Ryou commented, slightly more conscious, "she just finished taking AP Calculus, and she'll be starting College Level Statistics in the real world on Monday."

"Ok!" Misty hissed. "You two _bean poles_ weigh one hundred and fourteen pounds. That's disgusting, not to mention dangerous. With the high winds we get here in Oklahoma you'll all blow away if you don't eat something soon! Let's go." She leaned over, grabbed Marik's suitcase, yanked, then fell over on Bakura.

"Auuugh!" Bakura panicked. "Getting stabbed agai- no wait! _Cushiony_!"

Misty got up and shoved Bakura over, then turned to Marik. "Jeez, man, what is IN there?"

Marik sighed. "My toilette."

Bakura got slowly to his feet. "I need a really big Band-Aid…"

Misty stared. o-o "You brought your toilet? Dude, I _do_ have two working toilets at my house. I mean, the one upstairs tends to overflow and leak onto the staircase and the handle on the downstairs one is broken off but-"

"No!" Marik interrupted, rolling his eyes. "My bathroom supplies!"

"I _do_ have personal hygiene products in the bathroom, you know," Misty retorted. "Uh, the downstairs one only, though."

"Can we go now?" Ryou asked pitifully. "I'm getting a migraine." -.-

"Sounds good," Misty agreed, and then in her best Mermaid Man voice; "To the baggage claim, awaaaaaaay!"

Marik grumbled and picked up his suitcase, which protested rather loudly. -squeeaka squeeeeaka _thppt_- The other wheel popped off. "Radamnit!" Marik growled, stubbornly dragging his wheel-less suitcase, the axles of which now dug two straight lines into the floor as he continued along.

Bakura was just as unhappy. "I swear, by Ra I'll get my revenge," he muttered. He glanced up at a sign, then did a double take. "Huh? Oh. Heh, for a second I thought that sign said 'Get Seto, Go' !" He scratched his head, then returned to his mumblings.

----Standing at the Baggage Claim area a few minutes later----

Misty turned to Marik. "Hey, what do ya'll's suitcases look like?" she inquired sensibly.

"Oh, don't worry," Marik assured her. "I made them easy to recognize."

"Man, this place looks like crap," Bakura complained. -sniffle- "The escalators aren't all working…I wanted to ride them."

Ryou started standing funny. "Where's the loo?" he asked, starting to sweat.

"Ah, here they are!" Marik said enthusiastically, picking out several suitcases covered in stickers.

Misty stared, then read a few stickers. "_THE PHAROAH IS GAY…JUST CALL ME MASTER…I FARM THE DESERT_?" O.o

"Uh, that last one is Ishizu's…"

"Whatever." Misty helped gather the suitcases off the moving baggage deal. (forgot what it was called..) "Hey, five suitcases for three people, not bad," she commented.

"They're all Marik's," Bakura interjected.

Misty stared at Marik. \I "Eh…where's ya'll's luggage?" she asked, turning to Ryou and Bakura.

"It's gone," Ryou sighed, looking very depressed. "All gone. Ashes to ashes-"

"Burnt to a crisp!" Bakura piped up, looking slightly more cheerful.

"…I won't ask," Misty muttered. "Ok, Marik, since all this useless junk is yours, you carry two suitcases and the rest of us'll each carry one."

"Wha? Useless?" Marik gasped, looking offended. "Not so!" He began pointing to each suitcase in turn. "This one has bathroom supplies, this one has shoes and clothes, this one has more clothes, some jewelry, and my cleverly disguised Millennium Rod -I didn't want it confiscated as a weapon- this one has some random useful every day items, and this one has a surprise we can a share!"

Bakura, who had picked up the 'surprise' suitcase, stared at it and questioned, "Erm, is the surprise _supposed_ to leak?"

"Blast, one of the ice packs must have sprung a leak…"

Everyone stared at Marik, thinking _I will NOT accept any surprises from that man…_

"Ok, let's get out of here," Marik said, a suitcase in each hand. "What mode of transportation are we taking?" Everybody looked expectantly and Misty, who began sweatdropping.

"Uh…I, erm…well…" -coff- "you see I…"

"Well, how did you get here?" Ryou wanted to know.

"…I hitchhiked," she said quietly.

"Whaat?" Marik cried disbelievingly.

"Shame on you!" Ryou scolded. "That's dangerous!"

"Dude, chill!" Misty said, holding her hands up defensively. "I have my methods of protection and self-defense." She reached down her shirt into her bra, causing the men folk to panic, yell, and promptly cover their eyes (though one or two of them may or may not have peeked through their fingers). Misty rolled her eyes -"Chill!"- and pulled out a miniature bottle of pepper spray. "Tadaa!"

They sighed with relief, then Bakura, seeming interested, inquired, "Did you get to use it yet?"

"Nope," Misty replied. "I've been itching to test it out though." She looked evilly at Bakura.

"Meep! NO!" Bakura protested, hiding behind Ryou. "I've experienced enough pain as it is!"

"Fine," Misty agreed, replacing the pepper spray. "Let's go out to the airport parking lot and see if we can find someone who'll give us a ride to Apache."

Marik thought for a moment, then shrugged. "Never heard of it."

"That's okay, very few Oklahomans have either."

----Moments later, in the airport parking lot----

"Grr, we've been trying to hitchhike for an hour now!" Misty cried exasperatedly, throwing her hand up in the air. "It only took me a few minutes to catch a ride…"

"That's because you've got some huge-" -whack- Ryou hit Bakura upside the head.

"Would you stop saying that?" he growled.

"I haven't said it yet, you hit me before I can finish!" Bakura growled back.

"Shut up, you two," Misty said detachedly, standing on her tip-toes and scanning the parking lot. "I just don't see what the problem is…" Behind her, Marik sat on his leaky suitcase primping his hair, Bakura was grumbling and alternating between rubbing his sore butt, toe, head, and…er, nuts, and Ryou was trying –without success - to scratch his butt _very_ inconspicuously. "Bah, I just don't get it!" sighed Misty.

Bakura finally lost all patience. "Argh! I refuse to wait out in this deathly heat any longer!" he growled. He stomped over to the nearest car, where a young man in a business suit was loading his luggage into the trunk. "You there! We demand you provide us with a ride to Apackbee!"

"It's _APACHE_! And it's not that hot out here! Dude, it's only like, ninety degrees!"

Marik dug, unnoticed, through one of his own suitcases.

Ryou's eyes widened to the size of saucers. "Ninety degrees?" he squeaked. "I'm gonna die.."

Misty flopped down on the sidewalk, head in hands, mumbling. "I forgot. Stupid foreigners. Ninety degrees _Fahrenheit_!" She sighed. "Cold blooded British albino freak…"

The young man in the business suit looked up at Bakura and patiently responded, "I'm sorry sir, I've never heard of that place. Besides, I've got to be at a board meeting in half an hour, so if you'll excuse me…" He continued stuffing his suitcases in the trunk.

"Aha!" Marik shouted triumphantly, pulling out a long this object wrapped in tinfoil. "My Millennium Rod!" He hugged it.

-.- "Wow. It really _was_ cleverly disguised," she said, then mumbled to herself, "I don't even wanna _know_ how that got past security and baggage check…"

Bakura was still engaged with the task of providing them with a ride. "I'm warning you! Comply or face severe consequences!" he threatened.

The young man sighed and looked up at him. "Look, I'm really sorry sir but I've got to get going. I've got important business to" -CLUNK- Marik bashed the guy upside the head with his Millennium Rod, then gave Bakura a thumbs up. D

"Alright everyone!" Bakura said, yanking the guy's suitcase out of the trunk and tossing it aside. "Get all the luggage loaded, then pile in!" He searched the young man's pockets and pulled out a set of keys. "I've always wanted to drive one of these…"

There you go! Wasn't it fun the second time around? You guys may notice small changes, you may notice major changes. But I am, after all, REwriting it! Oh, and about the 'Get Seto, Go!' sign? When I was in the airport I could've sworn that's what those signs said…I kept doing double takes. So it's true, all true! (they actually said, "Get Set to Go") Well, you know the drill, but for any new readers…if you read it you must review!


	4. The Surprise Revealed

**Living With Maniacs**

Ch. 4 The Surprise Revealed

A happy short intro this time around: Chapter four, what kind of trouble will the maniacs get into today? READ!

-----In Apache, parked in the bushes in front of Misty's house----

Misty sat, shaking, her hands glued to the steering wheel. Ryou looked at her concernedly. "Erm…you can let go of the wheel now. Mistaya?" He touched her arm, causing her to jump and scream.

"LOOK OUT! OUTTA THE WAY, OUTTA THE WAY!" she screeched, stomping the brakes of the motionless car.

"Mistaya! Snap out of it!" Ryou said, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her.

Bakura sat in the back seat, arms folded, hair standing on end. "Why didn't _I_ get to drive?" he grumbled. "I wouldn't have taken out _nearly_ as many mailboxes!"

"She's the only one who knew the way. And you don't take directions very well," Marik said. He glanced at Misty, who was still shaking and sniffling. "Hey, are you okay?"

"I'm a murderer," she whispered.

----Flashback----

The stolen car was flying down the road, over 80 mph, and Misty was screaming. Everyone was screaming, actually. Suddenly there was a thud; they had hit something. Misty slammed on the brakes and stared out the windshield in time to see a body go flying and land twenty feet away. A few people ran over to the body.

"Oh my God, oh my God," Misty freaked. "I killed someone! Now their friends are all gonna hate me! I'll be stalked, blackmailed-"

"Shutup and let's go look at the body!" Bakura interrupted her, undoing his seatbelt and climbing out of the car. Misty took a deep breath and nodded, and they all piled out of the car and proceeded to the small group gathered around the body. They weren't, as Misty had thought, however, mourning.

"Ha! This is awesome!" Yugi cried, staring at the body.

"I know, man! Dat guy was such an ass! And queea, too!" Joey agreed.

Misty walked up to them, and Tristan, the final member of the group, turned to her and exclaimed, "Oh my God, you killed Duke, the bastard!" He hugged Misty. Bakura, Marik, and Ryou looked on in confusion.

"You are so awesome!" Yugi celebrated, giving Misty his cute puppy dog eyes.

"Yea man, you rock!" Joey chipped in.

----End Flashback----

"No, not THAT, stupid, killing Duke was a good thing," Misty said, rolling her eyes at the person who played the flashback. Let's try again. She sniffled-- again. "I'm a murderer."

"No, don't be silly!" Ryou encouraged her, patting her back gently. "We all know you didn't _mean_ to hit all those cows! Any of us probably would have done the same thing!"

Bakura leaned from the back seat to disagree. "Um, no actually, I think I would have been careful enough _not_ to have run over the barbed wire fence and through the cows' watering hole in the first place--" -CLUNK- Ryou smacked Bakura on the head.

"Not helping!" he hissed.

"Wow," Marik sighed, staring at the house and yard. "I've never seen so much green!"

"That wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that you live in the desert, would it?" -CLUNK- Marik smacked Bakura on the head. Misty stopped pouting and perked up at the opportunity to brag about her lovely yard.

"Oh, well, it's not really _that_ impressive. We've got loads of lilies and cannas and four o clocks and morning glories and tulips…and we have a plum tree, apricot tree, peach tree, apple trees, a fig tree, cherry bushes, a passion vine, grapevines, blackberries, strawberries…oh, and I can't forget the naked ladies!"

Bakura's head snapped up. "Naked ladies? Where?"

Misty giggled. "No, silly, their a type of flower! They're called that cuz they don't have any leaves! They're also known as tiger lilies."

"Oh." Bakura sighed.

Marik continued to stare. O-o "Green…overload…feeling…woozy…" O.O o.o -.- o.o O.O o.o -.- o.o O.O -aka blink blink-

"Well come on in ya'll!" Misty announced with a wave of her arms. "Grab the suitcases and move out!" They all grabbed a suitcase- two, in Marik's case- and trooped single file into the two-story house. The three foreigners walked with their faces in the air, staring every which way, taking in every detail. The house was rather messy, having been lived in by nine people, then suddenly one lazy person. But it was nice. "Alright ya'll, listen up," Misty spoke up. "Since everybody's gone, the bedrooms won't be too crowded. Still, there are only three since I refuse to let any of you sleep in my parents' room. I get one to myself, so one of you are gonna hafta share. Or you could just rotate who gets to sleep on the couch each night-"

"I call solo!" Marik interrupted, leaping up with his hand in the air.

"Oh no," Ryou moaned, slumping to the floor. "I _live_ with him, and now I have to share a bed with him? Whyy?"

"There there," Bakura soothed, patting his hikari on the back. "You don't _have_ to share a bed with me."

"Really?" Ryou perked up.

"Of course! Just sleep on the couch!"

Ryou gave Bakura an evil death look, then growled in a low voice. "I'm sharing the bed."

"Fine by me," Bakura replied. "I get cold easy, so if I snuggle up to you in the night don't think anything of it."

Misty stared at them, wondering, then cleared her throat. "_Any_ways. You guys work out which rooms to take on your own. Just don't take the one with the bed with hangings around it, a dead snake and a bunch of YGO pictures on the wall, and a poster for the YGO movie on the ceiling. Ok?" They all nodded. "Fine. Now I need to warn you about the bathrooms. Please follow me." She led them to the bathroom like a tour guide. "Note that the top is removed from the toilet and a string is attached to this here bar. This is because the toilet is devoid of a handle; to flush merely pull the string and pour half a bucket of water down it." She pointed to an empty ice cream bucket next to the toilet. "Capiche?"

Ryou raised his hand. "Um, why do we have to pour a bucket of water when we flush it?"

"To help it flush," Misty responded. "If you pull the string and don't use a bucket, the contents of the toilet merely spin in a circle for a few minutes."

Bakura raised his hand. "What happened to the original handle?"

"I'm not sure," Misty said rubbing her chin. "I think it had something to do with the hamster and a spatula…"

Marik raised his hand slowly, shaking from head to foot and looking absolutely petrified. "Can we, um, just use the bathroom upstairs?"

"Well you can," Misty shrugged, "but I wouldn't advise it. The toilet's kinda small, tends to overflow, and the bathroom's been a mess since we took out the shower due to leaky pipes and such.." Marik withdrew his hand and made a little squeaky noise, but other than that remained silent. "Alright, then pick a room and settle down!" Misty said.

----That evening, around the dining room table----

Misty, Ryou, and Bakura all sat around the table as Marik came into the room looking extremely pleased about something. (don't you think like that you demented little urchins!) "I hope you're all ready, for I am about to reveal to you my surprise!" he announced happily. Everyone shuddered. "I brought…drum roll please…dum da da dum! Vegetables! Compliments of my sister's garden." Everyone sighed with relief.

"Whew!" Ryou exclaimed. "The way that suitcase was leaking, I was afraid it was something dangerous!"

"…or disgusting!" Bakura piped up.

"…or disturbing!" Misty added.

"Naw!" Marik smiled with the wave of his hand. He reached behind his back, pulled out a vegetable, and held it up. "See?"

"Aiiee!" Ryou shrieked, ducking under the table.

"Holy mother of Ra!" Bakura exclaimed, shoving his chair away from the table.

"Ai! That looks dangerous, disgusting, _and_ disturbing!" Misty cried. "…what is it?"

"It's broccoli, sillies!" Marik said, holding the vegetable up a little higher.

Ryou peeked out from under the table. "I, erm, _kinda_ see a resemblance to broccoli.." Misty ventured.

"Is broccoli _supposed_ to glow bright neon green like that?" Bakura inquired, studying the vegetable a little more closely.

Marik looked at it and shrugged. "Well, I've never known it to, but Ishizu said it's really healthy. She grew it herself; I think she was testing out some new fertilizer she invented." He lifted the broccoli to his mouth to take a bite, but…-twitch-

"EW, it moved!" Misty screamed. Ryou ducked back under the table and started shaking like a Chihuahua, and Bakura watched the vegetable with livid interest.

"Hold still!" Marik ordered, frowning at the broccoli. "Heh, Ishizu warned me it might do this." -BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM- He began banging the broccoli on the tabletop.

"eee," squeaked the broccoli. -**_BAM!_**-

"Ah, there, it's stopped twitching," Marik observed, holding the broccoli in front of his eyes. "See?" He took a bite. "Mmm, crunchy…"

Misty stared at him. "I've never felt such a strange mix of pity...and indigestion. Marik?"

"Hmm?" He looked at her, his cheeks bulging and a slight green glow reflecting through his teeth.

"Would it _bother_ you if I put on your tombstone that you were killed by a vegetable?"

"Is it over yet?" Ryou whimpered from beneath the table.

Bakura narrowed his eyes and smiled slyly. "Say Marik, can I have some of those vegetables?"

"Sure, what kind?" Marik asked with his still full mouth, spewing teeny bits of glowy green stuff.

"All of them," Bakura chuckled, rubbing his hands together and mentally plotting revenge.

Misty sighed and fell forward onto the table. "I have this strange feeling of impending doom…"

----a little while later, at dinner----

"Tadaa!" Misty sang, walking into the dining room with a huge platter of toasted sandwiches. "I made BLTs! Lots of 'em, so you have to eat it all. I don't allow bony people in my house."

"Technically, this isn't your house," Bakura remarked. "Your parents own it and are merely away--" -CLUNK- Misty hit him on the head, then set the platter of sandwiches on the table.

"No bony people!" Bakura and Ryou shrugged, then started wolfing down sandwiches. Marik, however, sat primly.

"Would you mind removing the B from my L and T?" he asked.

-death glare- "No!" Misty retorted. "You worthless vegetarian, just pretend it's soy or something!"

-deathlier glare- "I can't _pretend_ it's not meat!" He sat up straight and proud. "It's my religion; a sacred tradition passed down from generation to-"

"As _I_ recall," Misty interrupted, "it was also your religion and sacred tradition to live in a hole in the ground all your life and never have human contact nor see the light of day. What happened to that?"

Marik began sputtering indignantly. "Wha- well I…you see… but- but that was a _ridiculous_ and _unfair_ tradition, not to mention _unhealthy_-"

"So's being a vegetarian!" Misty countered.

Ryou and Bakura sat watching Marik and Misty back and forth like a tennis match. "How much you wan to bet Marik backs down first?" Bakura said to Ryou.

"It is _not_!" Marik replied angrily.

"Dude. People need meat to live. See, there's this little thing called protein and blah bla blah…" she went off on an anti-vegetarian rant.

"Fine!" Marik said. "Be that way! I'll just fix myself a salad!" He got up in a huff, accidentally knocking his chair over.

"I claim his BLT!" Bakura cried, reaching for the sandwich.

"No me!" Ryou shrieked, tackling Bakura before he could snatch up the sandwich.

"No Marik," Misty sighed, ignoring the yami/hikari scuffle. "Sitcho bony ass down. I'll fix you a lousy salad. With no meat." She got up and went to the kitchen, and Marik picked chair back up and sat down, head in hands.

"Hey, no biting! OW!" Ryou whined, rolling on the floor fighting with Bakura. "Take _that_!" -yank-

"Ah! No hair pulling!" Bakura cried. His Millennium Ring began to glow, but Ryou leaped on him.

"Oh no you don't!" Ryou grabbed hold of the Millennium Ring, twisted the rope, and yanked.

"No…fair.." gasped Bakura. "No…choking…allowed…" O-o

"Say uncle!" Ryou proclaimed, keeping his death grip.

"_Agga_!" Bakura choked, waving his arms frantically.

"Close enough," Ryou said, letting go. "Ah, spoils," he gloated, chowing down Marik's BLT.

"Hey, Marik?" Misty called from the kitchen. "Do you want bacon bits on your salad? They're soy!"

Marik sat miserably, his face still in his hands. "Ugh…" he groaned.

"Um, is that a yes?" Misty asked worriedly, peeking out of the kitchen. "Dude, are you okay? You don't look too well; you're almost as pale as Bakura!"

"Hey, it's not my fault!" Bakura interjected. "I had a great tan five thousand years ago…"

"Ugh," Marik moaned again, then lifted his head and smiled weakly. "No, I'm fine, it's just a little stomach ache." He shivered. "And I'm cold."

"Cold?" Misty asked skeptically. "Well, it has cooled down to the seventies…mebbe you should jus go to bed. You'll probably feel better in the morning."

"I'll eat his salad!" Ryou announced.

"No, me!" Bakura cried. -commence scuffle-

"Bleh," Marik mumbled; looking near tears, he stumbled off to bed.

----5:00 am----

Misty lay sprawled on her bed snoring, when all of a sudden... -THUD- "Huh? Wuwuzzat?" Misty said, waking up with a snort. She crawled out of bed, pulled on a nightshirt, and stumbled into the hallway. "Izzit a cat? Hullo?" -gurgle gurgle- "Marik, izzat you?" Misty mumbled. -"Blargin…fedivalnochi…"- Misty opened Marik's door. Marik lay beside his bed, mumbling, kicking, and hopelessly tangled in his bed sheets (he was fully dressed, I'm afraid). "Don't move, that's perfect," Misty giggled, pulling a camera from behind her back. -click FLASH- "Okay, now I shall become concerned. Dude, are you alright?" She rushed over to Marik's side and grabbed his arm to help him up. -_tssss_- "Ouch!" She dropped his arm. "You're burning up!"

Marik shivered.

"Argh." Misty helped Marik back onto his bed -which wasn't difficult, considering his weight and all. "You poor thing, you're half dead!" Misty pitied. "I wonder what could have brought this on…"

----flashback----

-_twitch-_

----end flashback----

"Ew." Misty sighed and looked down at Marik. "Yes, I'm afraid you're the victim of a killer mutant radioactive veggie. Tragic."

Marik gigged. "Stop it….hehee..I'm ticklish, stop….hee…leave my toes alone…"

"This is gonna be a long day," Misty sighed.

Boy oh boy, I better stop there! That chapter was way longer than I meant for it to be! You readers from last time may have noticed several changes, both big and small. So whatcha think? Review all, pretty please!


	5. Sweet Revenge

**Living With Maniacs**

Ch. 5 -Sweet Revenge

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYOU::balloons and streamers fall from the ceiling, a British flag is raised in the background, and "God Save the Queen" is played on surround sound: Ryou sniffles. "For me?" :cry: "And me!" Bakura celebrates. "Since we share birthdays!" There! Since I didn't have time to make a banner for Ryou and Bakura's birthday, I decided to make it public instead. J And also..

WARNING! It has come to my attention that there are people still who read my story and don't review. Well that has to stop! So I have a friend here to help me accomplish this task. And no, it's not Froggy! Meet Yami Twilight, the Angel of Death! --**_Black smoke fills the room, thunder crashes from out of nowhere, and out of the smoke steps a demon. Straight jet black hair with purple highlights flows down her back. Her golden yellow eyes look as though they could see straight into one's soul, and her blood red lips and tanned skin add a strange appeal. Her demonic body is clothed in a black leather tank top, showing off her belly button, and matching leather pants. Her black tail whips threateningly behind her, and demonic wings sprout from her back_**.-- Tadaa! She is my assistant. Marik studies Yami Twilight carefully, then points and says, "Oh, yeah, I remember her! Isn't she that chic my yami is dating? The one who shares his love for fried squirrel?" The Angel of Death hisses, bares her fangs, and nods. "Yes, that delightful snack," she muses... "Where is dear Malik? We had a date with a blood sacrifice!" Froggy appears to keep order. "Now, now, Y. Twilight. Keep focused. We have the names of folk who have this story on their alert list but haven't reviewed. You are here to make sure they do!" Y. Twilight licks her lips. "Ah, yes. And if they do not comply, I shall feast on their blood!" Ok folks, now you can read the story...

By the time Ryou and Bakura had woken up, Marik was completely delirious. Misty warned the two to be quiet because Marik wasn't feeling well (which won the Pullit Surprise for Understatement of the Year). However, the warning didn't quite have the desired effect, since Marik was already leaping about and yelling curses from his bedroom. Ryou pitied Marik, but Bakura found it quite amusing and tried to slip Marik some more glowing vegetables. He must have snuck into the room during one of Marik's extremely violent hallucinations, however; he came out of the room at a run screaming bloody murder with glowy green stuff dripping off of him.

Misty went into Marik's room with the hopes of calming him down, but Marik chucked the bedside lamp at her while yelling something about fuzzy caterpillars. He eventually and temporarily calmed down enough for Misty to slip him some sleeping pills. As he slept, Misty took advantage of his comatose condition to take and hide the Millennium Rod. Just in case. Then she sat by his bedside and talked aimlessly to his sleeping form.

"Sheesh, this has been a hectic day," she sighed. "If I were you, I'd watch out for Ishizu...I think she may be trying to do you in. I bet that's what happened to Malik, too." Misty shuddered. "You poor thing. I always thought there was something wrong with your sister..."

Marik drooled.

"Yeah, it is kinda creepy, huh?" Misty leaned over and whispered in Marik's ear. "I think she has a thing for Seto Kaiba, too. Y'know when they were in the museum and she showed him the past? How come, when they came back to the present, Kaiba was on his hands and knees?" -disturbing mental image of Ishizu spanking Kaiba-

Marik rolled over and whimpered.

Misty listened carefully. "Hmm, you're right...it _is_ disturbingly quiet. Well, Ryou's in the shower, and Bakura's off plotting revenge, so it'll probably stay quiet at least for a little while-" her musings were cut short rather violently by the sound of music...or what passes for music in our world nowadays.

"_You were my sun...you were my earth. But you didn't know all the ways I loved you, no-o. So you took a chance..._"

O-o "I spoke too soon," Misty mumbled.

"_So cry me river, yeah, cry me a river!_" Ryou continued.

Misty shook her head. "That wouldn't be so disturbing if he weren't hitting those high notes so well."

"Stop it.." Mari began whining. "..stop! Mommy, the poopie's chasing me!" He twitched and almost rolled off the bed.

A shout from the bathroom suddenly broke Misty's concentration "REVENGE!" Bakura yelled.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing in here?" Ryou shouted from the shower. "Get out- hey, my boxers!"

O-O "This can't be good," Misty commented ever so intuitively.

Bakura cackled evilly. "Ha! _Spiderman_? Ryou, you pansy!"

Ryou turned off the shower. "Give them back yami, or I swear I'll-"

"You'll have to catch me first!" Bakura cried, then bolted out of the bathroom. Misty sat, not sure what to do, staring out of the open door.

"_Get back here_!" came Ryou's shriek.

Misty stared as Bakura came zooming past the door waving a pair of boxers over his head and chanting, "A PANSY, AND PANSY, RYOU'S A PAAAANSY!"

Misty's eyes widened incredulously as she watched Ryou whip by the door just a little behind Bakura, dripping wet and wearing nothing but a towel. "Give them BACK, you bloody piece of tomb-robbing filth!" Ryou screamed.

"Wow. Ryou needs a tan." Misty scratched her head and continued staring out the doorway listening to the scuffle. She heard a sudden thud, loud clangs, then a shriek from Ryou.

"No wait!" Ryou screeched. "No! ..you- you wouldn't!"

"Oh, but I would!" came Bakura's cackle. "Whoohoo!" He ran back past the door, this time waving a pair of boxers _and_ a towel above his head. "Wheeeeeeeee!"

Misty watched with growing interest as Ryou ran past the door at top speed-- butt naked. "Ooh, nice tushie.." she thought.

"I'm going..._to bloody...KILL YOU_!" Ryou roared. A huge thud followed by a crash made Misty flinch.

"There go the antique plates!" she told herself.

"Ha! You're cornered," Ryou growled. "Now just hand over the goods and I promise not to hurt you!" At this point, Misty decided to help. She got up and walked from Marik's bedside to the hallway.

"Cornered, am I?" Bakura scoffed. He faked left, tripped Ryou, and ran for it. "Ha haa! I'm home free, home f-" -WHAM- Misty smacked Bakura upside the head with a marble rolling pin.

"That ought to hold him for a while!" she said cheerfully. She pulled the boxers from Bakura's motionless hands and returned them to Ryou. "Oh, and dude..." she looked Ryou up and down and winked.

Ryou blushed furiously, snatched his boxers, and ran back into the bathroom.

"Ah. That was refreshing!" Misty said with a smile. She rolled her neck, cracked her knuckles, and went back into Marik's room to check up on the invalid. And found all four of her cats sitting on him. "Gah! Dragon, Tiberius, Elledan, Wokkit, get OFF!" Dragon, who was stretched out on Marik's stomach, looked up at Misty and growled. Tiberius, sitting on Marik's chest, merely stretched. Elledan, draped across Marik's neck said "Mow," like Gary. And Wokkit, the stupid one, sat on Marik's face and twitched.

"Dear God, you cats are gonna kill 'im! Suffocate 'im!"

"...ah...ACHOO!" Marik sat up and sneezed violently, sending all four cats catapulting across the room to splat against the wall.

Misty blinked. "Or he's gonna kill you."

Marik looked at his chest and stomach, and felt his neck and face --all were covered in cat hair. He broke down crying. "Mommy, mommy, you were right! I've turned into a camel!" He sobbed violently. "I'm sorry mommy, I promise I'll be a good boy...I don't wanna be a camel, please mommy..."

u-u "I'll go get something to clean you up with," Misty sighed. She exited Marik's room, and as she walked through the hallway she saw Bakura stumble to his feet.

"Urgh.." he grumbled, rubbing his head where it had been hit. "More owies." He brightened. "But ha! I've had my revenge against Ryou! Mwuahahahahahahahaaa!" He looked evilly at Misty. "You're next. Then Marik...or maybe I should get Marik now, while he's down for the count..."

Misty ignored Bakura's plotting and proceeded to the kitchen to get something to clean the cat hair off Marik's face and such. She peered into the cupboard, pulled out a washcloth, wetted it, and went back to Marik's room. "Ok, here's the -" o-o "Marik? Where'd you go?" She looked around and saw Marik crouched on the dresser behind her, preparing to spring. He growled menacingly. Misty dropped the wet washcloth and began backing slowly towards the door.

"RAWR!" Marik screamed, leaping off the dresser.

"Aiiee!" Misty shrieked, bolting out of the door, flailing her arms and screaming like a maniac. "Help, madman on the loose!"

Marik leaped out the door and ran -surprisingly fast- on all fours, roaring, "I'm a TIGER! RAAAAAR!"

Misty kept running, and turned the corner in the hallway. Marik followed.

----Begin Slow Motion Sequence----

Marik turned the corner of the hallway, leaped up, and began running along the wall on all fours.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO-" was all Misty said, running wildly.

Marik leaped off the wall, flying straight towards Misty and roaring exactly like a tiger. Misty looked behind her, saw Marik in midair, and screamed in a funky slow motion voice: "Ooooh shiiitt!"

----End Slow Motion Sequence----

Marik tackled Misty, hitting her smack in the middle of the back and knocking her over. Due to incredible forward propulsion, Marik hit her back and rolled right off. As soon as Misty stopped rolling from the impact, she looked up. Seeing Marik about to pounce again, she curled up in a ball, covered her head, and shrieked. "EEeeeek! Help! Heeelp!"

Marik snarled ferociously, leaped on Misty, and began tearing at her arms with his teeth. "RAWR!"

----Begin Melodramatic Heroic Scene----

A bright light appeared at the end of the hallway, and a man stood silhouetted, hands sitting proudly on his hips. He spoke in a deep echoing voice; "Fear not! I shall saveth thee, fair maiden!" -coffcoff-

The Tiger looked up and growled, blood dripping from its jaws. "Grr..."

The Fair Maiden peeked out from under her arms. "Hark! Who canst this brave hero be?"

The Hero walked nobly and bravely down the hallway. "Thou art safe, fair maiden, for I am here to protect!" He stopped and looked down at the Tiger. "Now foul beast, thou shalt feast no more upon her flesh!" He pulled his sword out of his sheath. "Prepare to meet thy maker, thou knave!"

The Tiger roared ferociously, then leaped at the Hero.

"Taketh THAT, foul beast!" the Hero proclaimed, slashing at the Tiger with his sword.

----End Melodramatic Heroic Scene----

Bakura stood above Marik, beating him repeatedly upside the head with Misty's marble rolling pin. "Take THAT! And THAT! Ha, revenge!" -WHACK WHACK WHACK-

Misty leaped off the floor. "STOP!" she shrieked. "You're gonna kill him you stupid idiot!" She snatched away the marble rolling pin and hit Bakura with it. -CLUNK-

"Owie!" - He shook his head. "Is that the thanks I get for saving your life! He was going to kill you! Look at yourself!" Misty glanced at her arms; blood streamed down them, covering the red angry teeth marks.

"Ah, it's not his fault!" Misty defended. "He's sick! Besides, you only did that to get your revenge against poor Marik, it had nothing to do with helping me!"

Bakura shrugged. "But I _did_ help you, and that's all that matters, right?" D

Misty growled and hit Bakura over the head with the marble rolling pin again. -CLUNK-

"Ow! What was that one for?"

"Stress relief."

Bakura rubbed his sore head. "Did it help?"

"Not really." T.T

"Really? I relieved _loads_ of stress when I beat the crap out of the tiger-boy over there..." Bakura began swinging his arms. "Whack! Wham! Die!"

"I give up. I'm calling Odion." Misty walked slowly away, massaging her temples.

----A few minutes later, after talking to Odion----

"Odion'll be here in a few hours. He's flying on the private jet Ishizu bought Marik and Malik for their 18th birthday." (A/N- All the main characters are 18 cuz it makes more sense than 16; Serenity is 16, Mokuba is 13 cuz he celebrated his birthday in July already)

Bakura grumbled to himself. "Those spoiled shits! What about Malik? He's sick, and Odion's taking care of him, right?"

"Well, turns out Malik has the same illness Marik has. He ate a mutant carrot from Ishizu's garden. Odion says there are stages to the illness, and Marik's at the binning of the second and worst stage. Malik just began the third stage, which involves lying like a dead man...but Odion doesn't know how long this stage lasts since it just began for Malik. But the stage Marik's in should last at a few days. Odion said Ishizu will nurse Malik back to health while he comes to help me through Marik's second stage." Misty took a deep breath.

"Oh." O-O Bakura blinked. "Sounds simple enough.."

Ryou came walking into the room, fully dressed after finishing his interrupted shower. "Hey Mistaya!" He gave Bakura and evil look, but otherwise ignored him. "Did I miss anything? I thought I heard noises while I was in the shower..."

Bakura and Misty exchanged knowing looks.

Ryou continued talking. "Well I thought maybe someone had gotten hurt, but I guess n- DEAR GOD WOMAN WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ARMS?"

Misty glanced down at her arms, which were still bleeding profusely. "Erm..I'll explain it all in a minute. Bakura, would you please move Marik out of the hallway and back into his bedroom--gently." -slaps marble rolling pin against her hand threateningly- "Now, Ryou." She held out her arms. "Do you know anything about first aid?"

--Alright, fifth chapter ends there! Once again, happy 19th birthday to Ryou and Bakura, and I now have someone to threaten you with to encourage reviews! Yami Twilight flexes her wings, flips her tail, and grins an evil grin that shows off her teeth. "_Review..._" she hisses.


	6. Jazzercising and DEATH TO CHIVALRY!

**Living With Maniacs**

Ch. 6 - Jazzercising and DEATH TO CHIVALRY!

Well isn't this lovely? I'm updating early! I know, I'm proud of me too. "Don't mind her," Froggy whispers. "She's in a weird mood. She just went to see the YGO movie, and claims one of her most favorite parts was when the pharoah gots stabbed...and when she tried to upload this here document it was corrupt so she did a bunch off stuff...well, i didn't understand it. But she fixed it to please you devoted readers. Speaking of whom..we got lots of new reviewers! Looks like Y. Twilight was a success! We'll be feeding her extra squirrel tonight...maybe promise her a date with Malik.." Yami Twilight pops up. "Did I here the word blood?" "No." Y. Twilight looks disappointed. "Oh. Well I've come back to this 'job' only because I enjoy scaring people. So if there are ANY other people out there who read and don't review I will hunt you down, rip out you bowels, and-" "NO!" Froggy stopped her. "Stupid, you dont want to scare the readers away! Just tell them how oober happy it makes the author to get so many reviews! So thanks everybody who reviewed, old and new, and let the chapter begin!" Yami Twilight shuffles away mumbling something about using the neighbor's dog for a blood sacrifice to Ra.

----In the kitchen, waiting for Odion's arrival----

Misty sat on the three-legged spinny stool, turning slowly in circles and sipping from her Texas coffee cup. She sighed contentedly. "Ah, peace and quiet!

From his bedroom, Marik could be heard screaming like a chimpanzee. "OOH OOH AH!"

"Um, yes, quiet, " Ryou agreed.

Misty ignored the chimp noises. "So, Ryou, what do you think of Oklahoma?"

Ryou cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Well, I uh... I think it's positively charming!"

"Really?" Misty asked, surprised. "Oh, that's right, you haven't really met any natives yet."

Ryou's eyes widened. "Natives? Like Indians? With hatchets and bows and arrows and loincloths and feathers in the hair?"

Bakura came into the kitchen to express _his_ opinion. "Well, personally, from what I've observed, I think Oklahoma is stupid!"

Misty ignored Bakura completely and rolled her eyes at Ryou. "Silly, that's not what' it's like! Besides, I prefer not to call them 'Indians'."

"Really, why's that?" Ryou asked, fascinated.

Bakura continued despite the fact that he was being ignored. "I mean, come _on. _These people are so stupid, they named an airport after a guy who died in a plane crash!"

"Yes, you see, I don't want to call them Indians cuz people from India are Indians. The only reason they're called Indians is cuz when Columbus came to America, he originally thought it was the East Indies and therefore called the natives Indians!" Misty went on.

"Really? How splendidly fascinating!" Ryou observed. "Very well then, I shall refer to them as Native Americans. "

"... and those mountains?" Bakura scoffed. "Ha! They're a joke! They're nothing but big hills!"

"Actually, I wouldn't call them Native Americans either," Misty disagreed.

"How come?" Ryou asked.

"... and for Ra's sake, what kind of state has a town named _Nowhere_? I mean _really_!"

"Cuz, well, ya see, I was born in America, right? I'm native to America, therefore I am technically a Native American!" Misty explained.

"Genius," Ryou agreed.

"And it's nickname! The Sooner State? Come on people," Bakura continued. "Sooners were people who snuck past the starting lines of land runs early to stake out their claims... this state is named after people who took illegal actions to get a lousy hunk of land in these Ra-forsaken plains! What is _up_ with that?"

"Well... so then... what _would_ you call them?" Ryou asked, confused now.

"North American tribal members," Misty said promptly. "Cherokee, Choctaw, Chickasaw, Apache, Seminole, Kickapoo- "

"_Kickapoo?_" Bakura snorted. "Dear Ra, this is too much." He turned and left the room.

"Ok. So then, " Ryou ventured uncertainly. ".. cowboys and In- er, North American tribal members- aren't still duking it out?"

"Nope."

"Oh," Ryou mumbled disappointedly. "Well, do they still have those giant fans used to keep the cows in the fields cool?"

O-o "Giant... fans.." Misty said, confused. "Dude, those are old-fashioned windmills! They're used to pump water, not cool off the cows!"

Ryou sighed sadly. "... my life has changed."

"Huh?"

"My fantasies have been shattered.."

Misty made a face. "Uh, yeah, sure.." She spun around in her stool and almost fell off.

-THUD- Ryou looked up. "Hey, what was that?"

"I dunno," Misty said, also looking up. "It came from the roof. I'll go check." She set her Texas coffee cup on the sink and went upstairs.

Ryou looked cautiously around. "I'll just... have a little sip of this here coffee... just a taste to see if I like it... "

Misty came up the stairs looking carefully around. No one was up there. She took the screen out of the south window and crawled onto the roof. "Hello? Anyone here?"

A deep voice from above called to her. "Hello. I am here for you."

o-o Misty fell to her knees, hands clasped. "Please no! I don't wanna go yet! I don't have my driver's license yet! ... come to think of it, I don't even have my permit... "

"Just turn around," the deep voice sighed.

Misty did as the voice asked and squeaked. "Ah! There's a ghost on top of my house! ... but, what's with all the strings? Wouldn't you be bound to the earth in eternal torture and lamentation by something... I dunno, stronger? I was thinkin' more along the lines of chains.."

"Hush," the 'ghost' commanded. "Now come up here and help me get untangled from this infernal parachute!"

O.o "Oh. Sure thing Odion." Misty climbed up the rain gutter to the apex of the roof and detangled Odion string by string. Then they both slid back down the rain gutter and proceeded to the window.

Odion dusted off his deep violet cloak. "Alright then. Where is Master Marik?"

"Downstairs," Misty said. "I'll take you too him."

Bakura leaped out of the open window straight at Misty. "RAWRR!"

"AIIEE!" Misty shrieked leaping backwards. She ran into Odion, fell over, and started rolling. Odion grabbed her by the arm before she rolled right off the edge of the roof.

Bakura began laughing hysterically. "Hahaa! You should've seen the look on your face! Whoo! That was priceless! Haahaa!" He stopped laughing suddenly. "But I don't think that counts as revenge. You weren't scared enough; you didn't even fall off the roof!" He looked at Misty, with her I'm-going-to-strangle-the-hell-out-of-you look, and he took off back through the window. "Wheee! I'll just have to try again later!"

Misty got to her feet feeling as frustrated as a harelip trying to order Worcestershire sauce in a steakhouse. "Grr... you'll get yours tomb-robber! You'll get yours!" She turned to Odion. "Wow, man, you must be a stoic or something... you didn't even flinch! Didn't he scare you? How'dja do that?"

"I live with Masters Malik and Marik and Miss Ishizu. I'm used to surprises."

"Ishizu? What's wrong with her?" Misty asked.

"She's a mentally unstable control freak," Odion said matter-of-factly. "She even tried to come on to me once... and I think she has a thing for Seto Kaiba."

Mist nodded. "Understand."

----A few minutes later, in Marik's room----

Odion watched Marik leap around the room screaming like a chimp. "Well, at least he's past the tiger stage... " He pushed up his sleeves and showed Misty his heavily bandaged arms.

O-O

"Er, um Miss Mistaya?" Odion ventured. "I think you ought to go now... "

Misty takes a second to get over the fact that she was just addressed as "Miss Mistaya." "Why's that?" She saw something that looked strangely like a light purple hoodie go flying, but she ignored it.

"Er, well... " -sweat drop- "I don't wish to expose you to any indecencies... "

Misty started getting the wrong idea. "Dude, I'm not exactly sure what you mean, but I demand to know--" -SHMACK- Marik's pants hit her in the face. O.O "Oh."

Odion began pushing Misty towards the door. "Quick! Leave, before he throws his--" -SHMACK- Odion got hit in the face my Marik's Winged Dragon of Ra boxers. "--too late!" Odion covered Misty's eyes and shoved her out the door."

"But... but... " Misty tried to protest, hoping to catch a glimpse of Marik over Odion's shoulders.

"Don't throw your buts at me, Mister Squidward!" Odion retorted.

Misty blinked. "Eh... but wait, I've always wanted to know how far down those gold bands around his waist actually go!" -SLAM- Odion shut the door in her face. Tears began welling up in Misty's eyes.

"I'm sorry Miss Mistaya," Odion called from the other side of the door, "but this is not for a lady's eyes!"

"Who says I'm a lady?" Misty screamed through her tears.

Odion refused to answer.

"FINE!" Misty yelled. She kicked the door, nearly breaking her toes. -sniffle- "There are times when I wish chivalry _was_ dead." She stomped off to the kitchen to the soothing comforts of coffee, but horror of horrors...her Texas Coffee Cup was EMPTY! -gasp- "Nooooooo!" she cried.

Ryou suddenly popped up behind her. "Hey Mistaya watcha doin that coffee was pretty good wanna fix another cup we could share or I could just drink it for you if you don't want any more right now what kinda creamer was that cuz it was really sweet and stuff you sure put a bunch of sugar in your coffee what's she matter you look a little depressed why are you crying?"

Misty sniffled. "Huh?"

"Aw, you look so sad but don't worry Mistaya I have the perfect thing to cheer you up so come on!" Ryou said, bouncing up and down.

"Really? What?" Misty asked, a little curious.

"Jazzercising!" Ryou grabbed Misty by the hand and dragged her into his room. He switched on the CD player. "Let's see what we have in here shall we cuz you gotta have music to jazzercise to everybody knows that so let's see what's in here ok?" Beethoven's _My Elise_ started playing. "PERFECT!"

Misty stood staring. "We're s'posed to dance...energetically... to this?"

"No silly we're supposed to jazzercise to this!" Ryou exclaimed, kicking up his legs.

"But... " Misty tried to protest.

"NOW KICK THOSE LEGS UP IN THE AIR! 1! 2! 3! 4! SHOW EVERYBODY YOU JUST DON'T CARE! 1! 2! 3! 4! NOW CLAP YO HANDS! WOOT WOOT! AND STOMP YO FEET! WOOT WOOT! RYOU'S HERE! WOOT WOOT! WITH A BRAND NEW BEAT ! WOOT WOOT!" Ryou started shaking his butt and clapping his hands.

O-o "I'm just... gonna...go... sit down." Misty walked slowly into the living room and plopped down on the bean bag. Which grabbed her around the waist and roared - "BOOGA BOOGA!" -

"AAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!" Misty shrieked, leaping off the bean bag with a heart rate faster than a kickboxing kangaroo on caffeine pills and steroids. She stumbled backwards, tripped over a strategically placed roller skate, slipped, and bashed her head against the television. X-X

Bakura unzipped the bean bag covering and laughed it up, sending little Styrofoam balls flying. "Buahahahahahahahahahaaaaa! HaHA! You should've seen yourself! Oh man, revenge is SO sweeeeeet!"

Misty got up slowly, a little trickle of blood running down her forehead and fire in her eyes. "Tomb-robber... " she hissed, slowly advancing with her fists clenched.

Bakura rolled on the floor clutching his stomach, oblivious to the impending threat. "hahahahahhHA! Oho MAN! That was awesome, I've never--" -KA_WHAAAM_!- Misty clobbered him with the marble rolling pin, snorting like a mad bull.

"Alright tomb-robber! Now you get yours!"

"Meep!" Bakura squeaked. Misty swung the rolling pin and hit him across the stomach. Bakura doubled over, gasping for air. Misty gathered all her strength, and one last almighty swing bashed across Bakura's face with a crack. Bakura fell over. K-O Misty held up the rolling pin. The crack, oddly enough, had not been Bakura's face; her rolling pin was now cracked terribly right in the middle.

"Darn, he broke my rolling pin," she muttered. "Oh well. Now, to dispose of the body... "

Ryou suddenly came zooming through the living room at top speed, half dancing, half waddling, half sprinting. "Potty, potty, gotta go POTTY!"

Hooray! Fast update..and an OK chapter...well you know the drill folks! Time to click on that little purple thing in the corner of the screen and type up whatcha thought! And for any new folks who didn't read end notes...see my bio. Until next time...-disappears in a cloud of smoke-


	7. Next Time, Think Before You Hide Somethi...

**Living With Maniacs**

Chapter 7 - Next Time, Think Before You Hide Something…

Froggy is here to introduce the chapter, with his co-host, Yami Twilight::happy music: "I noticed chapter six got only six reviews. That was horribly sad. All the lovely happy new reviewers that were encouraged by Y. Twilight never showed their faces again. And I may have even missed a few faithful reviewers...people, people, it hurts you know." Yami Twilight hisses. "My threats begin to tire even me!" Froggy nods. "Yes. Please review. I won't even gripe anyone out. But just know, there are tears behind these pitiful amounts of reviews...and they aren't mine or Y. Twilights!"

----In the kitchen, trying to relax----

Mistaya sat in her stool, gulping at her Texas Coffee Cup - _extra_ strong- and grumbling to herself. "Stupid tomb-robber…I sure showed him…piece of crap, teach him to scare me like that…" Ryou came into the room with a look of pure relief on his face.

"Oi, that was the longest tinkle I have ever taken!" he sighed.

"Tinkle?" Misty thought to herself.

Ryou saw the Texas Coffee Cup and stopped dead in his tracks. OoO "No! I can't…I- I shouldn't! You can't trick me again…I'm familiar with your alluring, kniving- dear God, it just winked at me! And now it's giggling! Stay awaaaaay!" He ran out of the kitchen yelling about willpower. He raced into his room, cranked up Beethoven, and shut the door.

Misty sighed. "I need to relax; I'm way too tense. Maybe drawing will help soothe me!" She sat down at the table, collected her drawing materials, and set to work.

----Twenty minutes later----

Misty sat slumped over the table, random drawings strewn around her. "This _really_ isn't working!"

Ryou entered the room cautiously, so as not to be caught unawares by the Texas Coffee Cup. The coast was clear, so he stood up straight and approached the table. "Hey Mistaya, I- say, what're these?" Ryou picked up a few drawings and studied them: a girl beating a white-haired guy with a rolling pin, a tiger ripping a girl's arms off, and a car in the middle of a field with dead cows all around. O.o "Huh. They're uh…very nice." He set them back down. "Anyways, I was just wondering…where's my yami?"

Misty glared up at him. "I sent him to an asylum where he belongs," she said.

Ryou gasped, horrified. "You didn't!"

"And what if I did?"

"I'd..I'd…." He crumpled to the floor and started crying. "I'D MISS HIM!"

Misty frowned. "…but, dude! He's like, pure evil!"

"WAAAAAHH!"

Misty felt a tad guilty. "I…" -sniffle- "I'm sorry…I MISS HIM TOO!" She fell to the floor, put her arms around Ryou, and started crying along with him.

Ryou sniffled, holding Misty tightly. "R- really?"

Misty stopped crying. "Nah, I just wanted to hug you." She kept her grip on Ryou. "I didn't really send him away, you know."

Ryou smiled a big watery smile. "Really? Where is he?"

"I'll show you," Misty said. She led him into the hallway. "Now, you know he was being a nuisance, what with his obsession with revenge, and needed to be taught a lesson…"

Ryou nodded agreeably.

"Ok then…" She opened the door to the hallway closet. Sitting on the floor of the tiny closet was Bakura, tied hand and foot, mouth duck taped, and looking rather angry.

"Imf ll it imf rphng!" he mumbled through the duck tape.

"Uh, just a sec." Misty ripped the duck tape off his mouth.

"Ouch!" Bakura should his head. "Bleh. _I said_, I will get my revenge!"

Misty sighed. Unfortunately, I don't think he's learned _any_ lessons yet."

Ryou appeared shocked.

Misty still felt a little guilty. "I- I know it may seem a little harsh…"

"Ha! Haha! Whoo!" Ryou celebrated. He turned around and started shaking his butt in Bakura's face. "Who's the pansy now, huh?"

Bakura growled. "Ryou, I swear…"

O.o "But…Ryou- I mean," Misty sputtered, feeling confused. "…but you were so worried about him!"

"Yeah, but now that I know he's ok, I can rub things in!" Ryou got in Bakura's face and poked his nosie. "You know what, you were right yami! Revenge _is_ sweet!"

"Grrr…" -CHOMP-

"Ow, he bit me!" Ryou cried, pulling his finger back.

-.-; Misty taped Bakura's mouth shut again. "Sorry, visitation hours are over." She shut the door on Bakura's growling face.

"Ouch," Ryou whimpered, finger in his mouth. "So…how long does he have to stay in there?"

"Probly till Marik's better," Misty said.

Ryou chuckled evilly. "Sweet, tasty, revenge…"

O.O "I need more coffee," Misty sighed. She walked back towards the kitchen but stopped when she heard yelling coming from Marik's bedroom.

"_PSHT_ Captain, the burritos are putting up a helluva fight! I don't think the ground squad can take 'em! _PSHT_ Don't give up, air squad! The salads will prevail! …it's time to break out our most powerful missiles…_PSHT_ Sir, you don't mean the cabbage heads, do you? _PSHT _I do. Now drop 'em! WAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Master Marik, get _off_ my back!" came Odion's yell.

Misty shook her head and kept walking. "How long is this gonna last?"

Ryou skipped up next to her. "Say, does Marik still have his Millennium Rod?"

"Of course not!" Misty assured him. "We'd all be banished by now if he did! I hid it."

"Oh good. …where'd you hide it?"

"Well, not really hidden, more like put out of sight," Misty said. "It's in the hallway closet."

Ryou stared at Misty, completely horrified.

"What?" Misty looked at him. …………………………OoO -sweat drop- "Uh oh." They both turned and raced back to the hallway closet and yanked the door open. There sat Bakura, laughing maniacally through the duck tape, the Millennium Rod sitting on his lap. "Nm phu shll phee!"

Misty rolled her eyes and ripped off the duck tape. "Say again?"

"Bleh. Now you shall pay!" The Millennium Rod began glowing, it's light reflected evilly in Bakura's eyes. Misty stared and tried to step back, but she lost all control of her body. Her face lost expression, her pupils disappeared, and she stood still in front of Bakura.

Ryou watched in shock. "Slowly back away….slowly…"

"Mind slave! Untie me this instant!" Bakura commanded.

"Yes master," Misty replied in a monotone. She leaned over and removed the ropes from his wrists and ankles.

"I can see why Marik likes this item so much," Bakura said to himself. He stood up and pointed the Millennium Rod at Misty. "Now, my mind slave, beat Ryou with the marble rolling pin!"

Mist pulled the cracked rolling pin from behind her back. "Yes sir, beat Ryou." She turned toward Ryou and lifted the rolling pin.

o.o "Meep!" Ryou turned and ran.

"After him, mind slave!" Bakura commanded.

Misty began running after Ryou. "Must…beat…Ryou!"

Ryou screamed-- in a very manly way-- "AAAAAAUUUGGH!" -SMACK- He ran into the wall at the end of the hallway.

Bakura watched gleefully. "Heheh, revenge on them both!"

Misty cornered Ryou. "Must…beat…"

"No!" Ryou cried. "Misty, it's me, Ryou! Your friend! Look inside your heart and you'll remember me!"

Misty dropped the rolling pin and begin shaking. "Must…remember…Aaah, it burns!"

Ryou turned to Bakura. "Ha! It looks like your forgot to take into account one thing… the strength of Misty's bond with her friends!"

In Misty's mind, Bakura started freaking out. "No! I command you to destroy Ryou!"

Misty held her head in her hands. "Noo! I won't destroy Ryou! He's too sexy! I mean- he's my friend! AAAAAHH!" She started glowing, then an explosion of light went flying out of her. The Bakura in her mind screamed.

"Ryou was right! Misty's will _was_ too strong! Noooo!" Mental Bakura disintegrated. Misty's pupils reappeared. She blinked.

Bakura outside of Lego's mind sweat dropped. "This can't end well." He dropped the Millennium Rod and ran out the front door. "Freedom. Fresh air!"

Misty looked at the Millennium Rod on the floor, and realization dawned as Bakura raced out the door. She growled and began running after him. "Today, you DIE!"

Bakura saw Misty coming. "Eee!" He ran through the yard, into the street, down the block, into downtown Apache, and smack into a stop sign. Several blocks behind him, Mistaya had slowed to a jog.

"I might wanna consider exercising! Ah, forget it." She started walking. "He's out cold anyways."

Bakura slowly got to his feet, utterly disoriented. "I lost my little lamb…" he mumbled. Some random Apache dude sauntered up to Bakura.

"Hey baby, you need a hand?" he asked, helping Bakura to his feet.

Still a few blocks away, Misty was passed up by Ryou, racing to help his darker side. "I'm coming yamiiiiiiiiiii!"

The random dude put his arm around Bakura's waist. "Hey babe, why don't you come with me…"

Bakura was obviously out of it, or this guy would have been dead. "I hit my head…"

"Well I'll make it better, I promise," the guy said, leading Bakura to his car. Luckily, Ryou came running up at that moment.

"Bakura! I say, are you alright?"

The dude began salivating. "Twins!" He turned to Ryou. "Hey baby! You and your sister wanna come home with me tonight?"

Misty came walking up-- finally! "Hands off man, those two are mine!"

"…I'm confused," Ryou sighed.

The dude narrowed his eyes. "You know these two chics?"

O.o "Chics…um, yes, of course…" Misty tried to pull Bakura from the guy's grip.

"Sorry lady, but your friends are comin' over to _my_ place tonight!" He turned to Ryou. "Right baby?"

"But you can't!" Misty stuttered. "They- they're not…I mean…but they-"

"We're lesbians!" Ryou said, finally having caught on.

Misty, Bakura, and the dude all stared at Ryou. o.o

"Yes," Ryou continued. "Very…er, _extreme_ lesbians…with her!" He pointed at Misty.

"Me? I mean yes, me!" Misty said. "We really are…so I'm afraid she isn't interested…" She tried to take Bakura away from the dude again, but he pulled away.

"I don't believe you," the guy said. "You don't _look_ like lesbians."

"But..but we are!" Ryou protested.

"Ha. Prove it!"

Ryou started. "Prove…..very well then!" He grabbed Misty and kissed her quickly on the lips. "There!"

The guy just laughed. "Come on. You call that a kiss?"

Ryou was turning steadily pink in the face. "Fine!" He grabbed Misty around the waist, leaned her over backwards, and kissed her. And kissed her. And… well, he gave all he got-- which turned out to be quite a bit. The guy holding Bakura just stood there and watched, seeming very intrigued. Ryou finally broke the kiss off-- he probably ran out of breath-- and dropped Misty. "There!" he said. "Now if you will kindly give me back my sister, I'll be on my way!"

"Hang on," the guy said. "That was an ok kiss, but I still don't believe you. Your hands weren't into it…why don't you touch her-" --THUD-- The breath was suddenly knocked out of him by a well-aimed kick from Ryou. Let's just say he aimed right where any angry girl would. The guy fell to his knees, gasping, and Ryou grabbed Bakura by the arm.

"I'm leaving now," he hissed. He pulled Bakura's arm around his shoulder and walked away, supporting his slightly disoriented yami.

Misty got up off the ground from where Ryou had dropped her. "Ouch.." she rubbed her head. "Hey Ryou, wait up!" She raced after him, then started skipping circles around him. "Wow, you know that was a really good kiss did you know you're a good kisser I mean the first one wasn't all that but the second one….whoo! Where'd you learn to do that, France?"

Ryou just growled.

"Can we stay lesbians?" Misty continued. "Cuz you'd make a really good chic; that kick was perfectly aimed and all…."

Ryou turned and glared at her. She stopped skipping. "Is that a no?" she asked. "Cuz that was pretty good kissing…" She started skipping and talking again. And skipped and talked all the way back to her house. When they got back, and as soon as Bakura regained his senses, Misty tied him back up and locked him back in the closet-- she still hadn't forgotten the whole mind control fiasco. The Millennium Rod was then "put out of sight" somewhere else-- Misty refused to say where. And in the silence that followed, a cell phone rang…


	8. The Final Stage

**Living With Maniacs**

Chapter 8- The Final Stage

Froggy arrives to introduce the chapter- applause please! "Okay peoples, so sorry. But the handling of this story has gotten...sloppy. Sorry. For all those peeps who like having their reveiws answered in the bio, more apologies. If ever there is spare time, it shall be taken care of. It's hard enough finding time just to update! Oh, and Yami Twilight isn't here cuz...well, to be honest she was making me nervous!" Froggy shudders. "But if the number of reveiws starts to drop again, I may have to bring her back. But until then...enjoy! Review!"

Previously on Living With Maniacs… Bakura escaped the hallway closet armed with the Millennium Rod. He had to run for it, however, when Misty broke his mind control. He was mistaken for a girl, but saved a major mishap when Ryou proclaimed them to be lesbians. Bakura was returned to his prison, the Millennium Rod re-hidden, and in the silence that followed, a cell phone rang… -Cue Theme Song-

_Timmy is an average kid, and no one understands. Mom and Dad and Vicky always giving him demands. BED TWERP!_

_Kidding!_

The cell phone rang- an Inspector Gadget ring. _doodle oodle oot, Inspector Gadget, doodle oodle oot doo doo, ooh hoo!_

"A cell phone?" Misty looked at Ryou. "Yours?"

Ryou held up his hands innocently. "Everything I ever owned was reduced to ashes!"

Misty frowned. "Well I don't have a cell phone…" The Inspector Gadget music stopped and Odion's muffled voice was heard. "Odion?" Misty said. "He just didn't strike me as the cell phone type…"

"HE WHAT?" Odion roared.

Ryou and Misty gulped. "This can't be good."

"Are you certain?" Odion was saying, sounding extremely panicked. "But…where could he have gone? ..he took his Toybox? Oh damn it , we're all going to die!"

Misty sweat dropped. O-OUUU

"How long has he been gone?" Odion continued. "Really? Are you alright? Yes, yes, I'll be over there as soon as possible. We'll find him somehow!"

"I'm just…gonna go see what that was all about…" Misty said, sidling towards Marik's bedroom door.

"Yes, I think I'll do the same," Ryou agreed, following her slowly.

Misty stopped outside the door, slowly bent over and put her ear to the keyhole, and -WHAM- Odion came storming out. Misty went flying backwards and landed on her butt with chirping mochas floating around her head and swirly eyes. "Owies…"

"I say Odion," Ryou spoke up. "what is this grand brouhaha all about?"

Misty sat on the floor giggling. "Brouhaha….haha….heehee…"

"I just received an urgent phone call from Miss Ishizu," Odion said frantically. "Master Malik has subdued her and gone missing!"

Ryou paled. "Bloody hell…"

"Subdued her?" Misty said from the floor. "How?"

"Well, he snuck up behind her and knocked her out with an ironing board, hung her from the ceiling fan by her ankles, sprayed her thoroughly with sugar water, released his ant farm in the room, turned the ceiling fan on high, locked the doors of the room, then left."

"Good lord, and now he's at large?" Ryou asked incredulously. O.O

"He had an ant farm?" Misty commented matter-of-factly.

Ryou scratched his head. "W- well, how did Ishizu get out of that awful scrape?"

"The fan broke," Odion said simply.

"Ah."

Misty finally got up off the floor, rubbing the side of her head. "Hey, you said something about a toy box. What's the deal with that?"

Odion shuddered. "His Toybox. It's a box full of his favorite toys; namely, dangerous weapons. He's got a machine gun, chainsaw, bazooka, flame thrower, hand grenades…and that's not even the half of it. He has this button on the Toybox he pushes and the whole thing transforms into a 40 caliber…"

Ryou stared into nothingness. "I never thought the end of the world would come like this…"

Misty rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Huh. I wonder what brought on this sudden rampage of his…"

Odion cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Well, it just so happens to be the third and final stage of the illness caused by Miss Ishizu's experimental vegetables…The symptoms include a lucid and crafty mind accompanied by an insatiable urge to torture, torment, destroy, and or kill." -sweat drop- "Ha. Yeah. So, um, I've really got to get back to Egypt and help Miss Ishizu locate Master Malik before he drains the Nile or something." He turned and ran for the front door, throwing on his purple cloak as he went.

Misty blinked, then ran after him. "Wait, what about Marik? I still need your help taking care of him!"

"You must take care of him now! His delirium will pass in a day or two. He will be unconscious for a short time after that, giving you time to recuperate and prepare. Now farewell and wish me luck." Odion ran out the door and was gone.

"Wait. Prepare?" Misty was utterly confused.

"Good luck," Ryou said mildly.

Misty's eyes suddenly widened. "Oh!" She fell over. O.o

"I say, is something wrong Mistaya?" Ryou asked, kneeling down and holding her gently.

Misty was too purely freaked to savor being in Ryou's arms. "Yes, yes of course something's wrong! Not only is there a crazed murderous maniac on the loose, but didn't you hear what else he said?"

"Which part?"

"He said it was a stage of the illness! Which means after Marik gets through the second stage there'll be a murdering maniac loose right here! In my very house! Oh God, what'll we do? The world was not meant to hold two homicidal maniacs!"

"Hush, hush," Ryou said, holding Misty soothingly. "Calm down, now."

Misty stared up at him. "Big brown eyes…so serene…panic fading…." She sighed and snuggled closer.

"That's better," Ryou said. "Now, let's think. Firstly Malik. Dangerous as he is, he's all the way in Egypt. How could he possibly affect us from over there? Secondly, I'm sure there won't be two maniacs loose in the world because by the time Marik reaches that stage, Malik should be through with it and back to normal. So we'll only have to deal with one at a time. And I know we can handle a maniac; we've dealt with them before. My yami, for instance!"

Misty sat up suddenly. "That's it!"

"What's it?"

"Ryou darling, you're a genius!" Misty kissed happily on the cheek, then skipped to the hallway closet. "To locate a maniac-" She opened the closet door. "-one must think like a maniac! Luckily, we've got our very own maniac to do the thinking for us."

Bakura glared up at them from his seat on the closet floor. "Uht uh _oo_ ilfy igle phgrs un?"

Misty ripped off the tape. "Beg pardon?"

Bakura sighed. "_I said_, what do _you_ filthy little buggers want?"

"I've decided to let you out of the closet," Misty announced.

"Wha? Are you mad?" Ryou demanded, mouth agape.

"Really?" Bakura said. "Ah, finally I -" He narrowed his eyes. "Waaaaaaiit a minute… and what's the catch?"

"Only two things," Misty said promptly. "One, you must drop the whole revenge fixation."

"Hey, no fair!"

"Two," Misty continued, "you must give us an insider's opinion as a maniac."

"But….but…no revenge?" Bakura whined.

"That's my final offer!" Misty said. "If you don't agree in ten seconds, I'm re-taping your mouth and leaving you in here until…until…until Ryou puts on some weight!"

"Don't bring me into this!" Ryou said, backing up.

"But I'd be in here forever!" Bakura cried. "He's got a super fast metabolism and a thirty two foot tapeworm!"

O-O "Never drink vodka," Misty whispered to Ryou. She turned back to Bakura. "So do you agree or not?"

"But….I …the revenge, it …well.. Um…" he sputtered uncertainly.

"Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven!"

"Alright alright!" Bakura said. "I'll agree to no more revenge as long as you guys don't hit me anymore!"

"I won't hit you as often," Misty said.

"That'll do," Bakura agreed. "Now untie me!" Misty bent down and loosed the ropes around his wrists and ankles. "Ah! Freedom!" he cried. He jumped up and down, twirled around, ran from one end of the hallway to the next, and stretched. "Can't let these muscles go to waste!" he said. He rolled up his sleeves and flexed.

Misty rolled her eyes. "Yes, they're very nice. Now, to complete your end of the bargain. If you were loose in, say, Egypt, with a box full of lethal weapons and an in an extremely bad mood with the urge to torture, torment, destroy, and or kill, what would you do? Where would you go?"

Bakura crossed his arms thoughtfully. "Depends. Where's my hikari?"

"Um…right here?" Misty said.

"All right then, after damaging the pyramids, blowing up random buildings, killing a few people, and maybe draining the Nile- I'd come here."

Misty squeaked. "But…why?"

"Why, to torture my lesser half and his pathetic friends, of course!" Bakura said.

"Hey!" Ryou said.

"…so, why'd you want to know that?" Bakura asked curiously.

Misty sighed. "Malik is loose in Egypt with his Toybox and bent on the destruction of… I dunno, anything he can get his hands on!"

"Oh joy!" Bakura celebrated. "I'll be seeing my buddy pretty soon! I hope he shares his toys with me. My favorite is the chainsaw, but that's usually his weapon of choice, so I'll most likely have to settle with the flamethrower, perhaps with a few hand grenades on the side…"

Misty stared at him disbelievingly. "So…are- are you sure he's coming here?"

"Oh, most assuredly," Bakura said, nodding his head. "As soon as he finds a way…he'll be here."

Misty straightened up. "And when he arrives, we'll be ready for him! Ryou! Your main job will be to take care of Marik. I doubt you're any good at fighting. Bakura! You're our most powerful weapon-"

Bakura spun around. "Weapons? Where? Wait, me? No, no no no no no! You've got it all wrong girl. I'm going to be cackling maniacally alongside my buddy ol' pal ol' friend-"

"Oh no you won't! You can't?"

Bakura crossed his arms and looked at Misty arrogantly. "And just who is going to stop me?"

"I- I… I'll sic Marik on you!"

Marik came out of his room on all fours in a muscle shirt and boxers. "Arf Arf!" He sat up on his knees in front of Misty like a dog begging, his tongue hanging out.

Bakura raised an eyebrow. "Huh. How frightening. Look, you guys are on your own; I haven't been able to do one fun thing the whole time I've been here!"

"Silly me," Ryou said cynically, "I thought you were having fun when you stole my boxers, beat Marik with the rolling pin, scared the crap out of Misty, used the Millennium Rod-"

"Shutup!" Bakura hissed. "My point is, I'm not helping!"

Misty growled. "Grr….Marik!"

Marik sat up attentively, violet doggy eyes fixed of Misty. "Arf?"

Misty looked evilly at Bakura, then pointed at him. "_Sic 'im_!"

Marik crouched low, growling viciously, then charged at Bakura and latched on to his left ankle.

"Ahh! Get it offa me!" Bakura yelled, kicking at Marik with his right leg.

Marik dodged the kick and snarled, shaking his head and digging his teeth in.

"Ow! Ow! OW! Get off!" Bakura kicked again, hitting Marik square in the ribs.

"Yipe!" Marik cried, jumping back and turning desperately in circles trying to lick his wound.

Bakura hopped up and down, clutching his bloody ankle. "Ha! So much for your lousy attack d- OOF!"

Marik leaped on him from behind, knocking him on his stomach. "Grr…" -CHOMP- He bit tenaciously into the back of Bakura's neck.

Bakura lost all face and began screaming. "AUGH! Help, getimoff, getimoff! AAH!"

"Marik!" Misty said.

Marik looked up, still sitting on Bakura's back. "Ar?"

"Heel!"

Marik hopped off of Bakura's back, and trotted up to Misty proudly with his tongue hanging out.

Misty kneeled down, scratching Marik behind the ears, and said in that stupid sappy voice pet owners tend to use, "Oh yes, good job! Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?"

"Arf! Arf!" Marik barked happily, licking Misty's face.

Ryou crinkled his nose. "Ugh, that's disgusting! Stop it!"

Misty looked up at Ryou, and Marik licked her in the ear. "Ah! That tickles!" she giggled. "Down boy! Down!" Marik stopped licking and started shaking his butt.

"Arf! Arf Arf!"

"Aw, he's wagging his tail!" Misty exclaimed. "Isn't that cute?"

Ryou crossed his arms. "Stupid dog…" he muttered.

Bakura got slowly to his feet, limping and clutching the back of his neck. "Ohh… owie ow," he whimpered.

Misty took pity on him. "Aw, wet's get aww youw wittew boo-boos fixed, otay?"

"I hate you."

"Does that mean you'll help us and not Malik?" Misty asked.

"Yes, fine," he growled, "but I'd better be getting some damn good weapons!" He winced.

"Aw, I'll fix your owies now," Misty said. "Come along, poor thing. I honestly didn't know he would bite that hard!"

Bakura sniffled. "Whatever.

"Marik! Come!" Misty commanded. Marik leaped to his feet and trotted along happily behind Misty.

Ryou tagged sulkily along, wholly frustrated at being left out. "Stupid people…getting all the attention.. And a bloody mutt.. What's so great about Marik anyways?….grr.."

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REVIEW!


	9. Enemy Infiltration

**Living With Maniacs**

Chapter 9- Enemy Infiltration

"Here I am! Yes, it's me Froggy. Firstly, I want to apologize, sincerely and truly and on my knees, for this chapter coming so late. Yeah. No excuses but life in general. And secondly, if anyone is wondering about the disclaimer...it's been hanging up since the second chaper." He points. The sign says THE OTHR DUZ NUT OWUN YU-GI-OH OR INNYTHEENG ELS IN THEES FICSHUN. "I dunno who wrote it, the spelling is horrendous...but it's there. On to the chappie!"

----8:14 pm, in the Kitchen Fixing Bakura's Owies----

Misty applied the last bit of bandaging tape to Bakura's ankle. "There you go! All better!" She stepped back to admire her handiwork.

Bakura sat sulkily on the spinning stool. "I feel stupid with all this gauze and tape around my neck," he muttered.

Misty looked at him. "Yeah, you look pretty stupid, too."

Bakura growled and glared at her.

"But look," Misty said cheerfully. "As a reward for being such a good patient-," she opened the top of the refrigerator "-you get …" She pulled a cup out of the fridge. "…tadaa! A mocha!"

Bakura looked slightly cheered. "Well…ok." He took the cup, then frowned and held it up. "Hey, what happened to the cup? It looks…demented."

Misty scratched her head uncomfortably. "Erm, well…it kinda melted when I poured the hot coffee in…"

Ryou stared at the mocha, his eyes huge and shiny. "But…don't _I_ get a mocha?"

"Don't worry!" Misty said. "Mocha's all around!" She pulled three more mochas out of the top of the refrigerator.

"Whee!" Ryou said. He snatched a mocha away and started dancing. "I got a mocha, I got a mocha, I got a mocha hey, hey, hey, hey!" He did a little twirl, a pirouette, and started dancing and singing again.

Bakura grinned evilly and stuck out his undamaged foot.

Ryou danced. "I got a mocha, I got a- whaa!" He tripped over Bakura's foot, and the mocha went flying and splattered across the floor. "Augh! No!" He covered his face and started crying, banging his fists on the floor.

"Ow, Ryou you clumsy ass! You stepped on my only functional foot!"

"MY MOCHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Ryou, you ought to be more careful!" Misty reprimanded. "It's your fault, you know!"

Ryou looked up from the floor, tears streaming down his face and bottom trembling. "M- my fault?"

Marik watched the whole thing calmly, sitting on the floor next to Misty with his head cocked to one side and his tongue hanging out.

"Well…" Ryou sniffled. "Can I have another one?"

"Only if Marik doesn't want his!"

If looks could kill, Marik would be dead ten times over. "Fine," Ryou growled.

Misty kneeled down by Marik and held the mocha under his nose. "Hey, does the good boy want a yummy mocha? Hmmm, does he?" Marik looked suspiciously at the mocha. He sniffed it cautiously, then stuck his tongue out oh-so-carefully and…….

"Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!" -ZOOM-

Bakura watched Marik run. "Wow. I've set fire to dogs that couldn't run that fast!"

Ryou snatched the mocha from Misty and plopped down on the floor. "Oheeee!" he squealed happily. He hugged he mocha. "Hello friend!" He started slurping madly.

Misty watched him disapprovingly. "You're supposed to savor it," she scolded. Ryou ignored her.

-SLUUUUUURRP-

"Hey Misty," Bakura said. "You promised me weapons, remember? Malik could be here in a few hours, so I suggest you get a move on!"

Misty slurped her mocha slowly and thoughtfully. "Well, let me think. The only weapons we have in his house are… BB guns…a buncha pocket knives… a big ol' hunting knife or two…and a pistol with no ammo. Howzat?"

Bakura looked at Misty like she was stupid. "I'll take a pocket knife and a hunting knife. Now tell me; how do you get to this 'Fort Sill' of yours?"

Misty gaped at him. "Wh- you can't steal weapons from a federal base!"

Bakura folded his arms and cocked his head. "Fine. Malik and I will enjoy blowing _up_ the federal base instead!"

Misty threw her empty mocha cup at him. "Augh! Fine! Sheesh. Let's hop in the car; it's only twenty minutes away. Ryou, I need you to stay here and keep an eye on Marik, ok?" She looked down at Ryou, rolling on the floor, head in hands, with an empty mocha cup on the floor next to him.

"Brain freeze….brain freeeeeeze…" -twitchy eye-

"Ok, 'Kura, I'm drivin."

"Don't you dare call me that. And no, you're _not_ driving. I'm not in the mood for fresh hamburger. Hand me the keys, get in the car, and tell me where to go."

Misty stuck her tongue out at him. "Fine; have it your way, Mr. Macho Bueno." As they walked out the door, Ryou stopped rolling around and watched them go.

-----17 minutes later-----

"There," Misty said, pointing. "The gate's just up ahead. Across the highway and over the hill."

"Good," Bakura replied. He pulled a comb and hairspray out of his pocket and parked on the side of the road. "Now just give me a minute to fix my hair."

Misty stared as Bakura pulled out a hat and began stuffing all his hair underneath it. "Um, dude? I don't think this is the time to fix your hair…it's getting dark and we wanna get through the gate before it closes and- oh crap, wait a sec! How're you gonna get through the gate without an ID?" She stopped and thought for a moment. "Wait, you're sorta a spirit; do spirits even _have_ IDs? Well, even if you did it'd be no good since you're a foreigner and all-"

Bakura stopped stuffing his hair long enough to hand Misty an ID card. Then he finished stuffing the hair, pulled out a single lock, and started combing it.

Misty stared at the card. "Hey! When did you steal my brother's ID? Hey wait; this is a good idea, considering this ID was issued at Fort Sill…"

"I know," Bakura said. He stopped combing that particular lock- which was looking quite fuzzy- and sprayed it with hair spray. -PSSSSSHHT-

Misty made a face and waved her hand frantically in front of her face, trying not to choke. "Blech!…" -coff coff- "So did you take his license too?"

"Yup," said Bakura as he rolled down the car window and waved away the fumes. "So what do you think?" He turned to Misty and smiled innocently.

Misty held up the ID card, comparing the photograph on it to Bakura's smiling face. "Hey, not bad! The fact that it's dark really helps; your hair almost looks blonde. Aw, you look so cute! 'Specially with that smile!"

Bakura stopped smiling and took back the ID card. "You think your brother is cute?"

Misty rolled her eyes. "That's _not_ what I meant. But he's related to me, so how could he not be?"

Bakura pulled the car back onto the road. "I choose not to answer that.

"Fine," Misty said, sticking out her tongue.

Bakura crossed the highway, drove up the hill, to the gate, and rolled his window down the rest of the way.

The gate GI leaned in the window in a friendly but intrusive way. "Hey, how you folks doin' tonight?"

"Just fine, thanks," Bakura replied amiably as he handed over his and Misty's ID cards.

The GI took the IDs and studied them carefully. "Hey, would you mind taking off your hat?"

_Crap, we're screwed!_ Misty thought to herself.

"Yessir, I would, but you see I've got a bad ear infection," Bakura said without missing a beat, "and the doctor said I need to keep them covered for at least another week."

The GI leaned even further in the window. "Ah, yeah, I know how that is. Why, just a few months ago my son got an ear infection and had to go to the doctor. Can't remember what it was from though…maybe it was from swimming...is that what your infection is from? We had to get him some ear drops; he hated putting them in. He said it tickled too much and would always get up before he was supposed to and the ear drops would leak out-"

"Yes_sir_, I can truly empathize," Bakura growled through gritted teeth. "Now can we have our IDs back? We're in a bit of a hurry."

The GI crossed propped his head up on his hands. "Oh really? Where exactly are you and your sister hurrying off to this evening?"

"_My sis-_ o.o -ter and I are, uh, trying to hold a surprise party for our parents tonight-"

"Hey, a party!" the GI exclaimed. "I did that for my parents before, but the party was ruined 'cause it started raining, and we were holding it outside. The cake got rained on, and everyone refused to eat a soggy cake and-"

Bakura's fingers were itching to strangle. "- and at _this_ rate we aren't going to make it in time! So if you'll _please_ give us back our ID cards we'll just-"

The GI stood up and waved the cards in Bakura's face. "All right, all right, don't be so testy! It's like my Great-aunt Martha used to say; 'Life's like a bucket of wood shavings.'"

Bakura stared at the man. O-o "Yyyyeeaaaahh, well, can we PLEASE have our IDs! Just hand over the fu-"

Misty jabbed Bakura in the ribs with her elbow, then leaned over him. "Sorry about him sir, but may we have our ID cards back please, we really have got to go."

The GI smiled. "Sure thing miss, here you go." He handed the cards- to Misty, not Bakura- winking at her as Bakura pulled away.

"Bloody mother of Ra!" Bakura exploded as they drove off. "What the bloody hell was up with that? The guy was like a bloody salesman, wouldn't shut up!"

Misty giggled at him. "Hee hee, you forget you were my brother."

"And give me _that_," Bakura hissed, snatching his stolen ID from Misty. He took a few deep breaths, then slowed down as he entered the residential area. He looked out the window. "Now, what we need is a victim…………..aHA! There's one!"

Misty looked out the window in the direction Bakura was pointing and saw a lone GI jogging slowly along in the streetlights. "Him? What're you gonna do to 'im?"

"Watch and learn, my naïve friend, watch and learn…" He stopped the car, leaned out the window, and called out. "Excuse me? Could you help me out; I'm a little lost!"

_Wow_ Misty thought to herself. _He's _way_ better at that fake nice-person voice than Marik is…I guess he got plenty of practice from all the times he took over Ryou…_

"Sure thing, pal!" the guy said, jogging over to the car and leaning in the open window. "Where you trying to get to?"

"Um yes, I was wondering if you could direct me to the base weapons supplies?"

_Oh, like this guy is really that-_

"Oh yeah, just drive straight six blocks, make a left and go four and a half blocks, into the parking lot; it's the second building to the right. Labeled, so ya can't miss it!"

-_stupid. _-blink blink-

Bakura began slowly rolling up the car window the guy was leaning in. "Thanks!"

"No prob!" the guy replied, totally oblivious to the window.

"Oh, and one more thing…" The window rolled further up.

"Yeah?" Oblivious.

Quick as lighting, Bakura reached out and grabbed the guys by the collar and held him in place as the window continued getting closer to his neck. "Yes, I'm going to need your clothes…"

The guy started struggling uncomfortably. "M- my clothes?"

Bakura grinned evilly. "Yes, your clothes." The window reached the man's neck and continued up. The guy started choking. "Hope you don't mind," Bakura hissed.

"Hey, stop! You're gonna kill him!" Misty said angrily as the guy gasped desperately for air.

"Uh huh." Bakura's finger stayed firmly on the up button. "What's your point?" The guys eyes started bugging out and his face was blue.

Misty slapped Bakura's finger off the up button and pushed the down button. "My point is, _don't_! You can take his clothes with out him being dead!"

Bakura slapped her finger away and pushed the up button. "Well it's more fun _this_ way!"

Misty undid her seatbelt, leaned over Bakura, held his finger with one hand, and pushed the down button with the other. "Well I don't care!"

Bakura let go of the unconscious guy, shoved Misty's face against the windshield with one hand, and pushed the up button with the other. "Well I _do_!"

Misty bit the hand on her face, kicked the hand on the button, and pushed the down button. "The window should be _down_!"

By some amazing feat of agility, Bakura got his foot up and pinned misty against the windshield with it; he pushed the up button. "No, _up_!"

Misty shoved Bakura's foot away and sat on the steering wheel, honking the horn and pushing the down button. "Down!"

Bakura bit Misty's arm. "Up!"

Misty elbowed Bakura in the face. "Down!"

Across the street, an oldster was taking a walk. He glanced up, and with his failing eyes saw a car parked on the side of the street shaking, horn honking, and two people moving in the front seat yelling _UP! DOWN! UP! DOWN!_ "Young people these days!" He shook his head. "Our country has really gone to the dogs…"

Misty and Bakura sat in the front seat glaring silently at each other, each holding down the preferred button. The window was halfway up and not moving.

Misty glared, blinked, then glanced out the window. "Hey, the dude fell out of the window- and he's out cold."

"Oh." Bakura let go of the button.

Misty rolled the window the rest of the way down, stuck out her tongue, and began crawling across Bakura's lap and out the window. "Urg…now you can take his clothes like you wanted to…"

Bakura rolled his eyes and opened the door with Misty hanging halfway out of the window. "I realize that." He shut the door again- rather violently.

Misty hit her head on the top of the window. "_Thppt!" _She blew a raspberry, then started drumming on the side of the car door- still hanging out the window. "So what exactly do you need his clothes for anyways?"

Bakura started stripping the guy of everything but his boxers, socks, and undershirt. "He's wearing a military uniform."

Misty continued drumming. "Yes, I see that. So?"

Bakura set the GI's uniform on top of the car and began taking off his own clothes. "_So_, we're going to need a military uniform in order to get into a military weapon's supplies building without arousing any suspicion!"

Misty just stared. "Yeah, uh-huh…" _Aaaaaaand there goes his shirt…whoo!_

"I've done this a million times; it's general knowledge that when infiltrating enemy lines one must blend so as not to…"

"Yup…" Misty didn't hear a word he said. _Second sneaker gone…..next goes….pants! Whoa! Sorry Ryou, looks like Bakura's outdone you again! I guess five thousand years of imprisonment does wonders for one's body!_

Bakura replaced his hat with the military cap and pulled on the camouflage pants. "…helps not only to dress like them, but talk like them too. I can throw in a few 'yall's' and 'ain'ts' and fit in well enough, I'm sure…" He laced up the combat boots and reached for the shirt and jacket.

"WAIT!" Misty pulled a camera out of nowhere. "Flex and pose!"

_Now for all you ladies out there who appreciate Bakura's ultimate beauty, picture this! Bakura, wearing camouflage military pants and a hat, plus combat boots. So far, so good, eh? Ok, now add to the picture: the Millennium Ring, dangling on his bare chest, just above his perfect abs, all glistening in the moonlight…and check out those biceps! Hmm…I'll stop there, no more drooling. Just wanting you all to know what Misty was about to snap a photo of…_

Bakura raised a single eyebrow. "Flex and pose?"

"Yup!" Misty nodded. "Ooh, and smile too! A nice smile!"

Bakura shrugged, then he flexed, posed, and smiled.

"…or an evil smile, whichever you prefer…" -FLASH- Misty snapped a picture. "Beautiful! Alright now, proceed." The camera disappeared.

Bakura finished dressing, got back in the car, and tossed his clothes in the backseat. "Okay ya'll, let's git goin' now!"

Misty gave Bakura a Look. "How about…no. And what about him?" She pointed to the unconscious guy on the ground next to the car- in his underwear. "Hey, he's getting up!"

O.O Bakura stared as the guy crawled to his feet, grumbling. "Ugh…hey, my clothes!"

Bakura got out of the car, picked the guy up by the back of the neck, and looked pleadingly at Misty. "Can I?"

Misty frowned. "Sorry dude, looks like Ryou will always be number one when it comes to puppy dog eyes!"

Bakura growled. "I'm guessing that's a no?"

"Yup."

Bakura brightened. "Yes?"

"No!"

"Well, which is it woman! Make up your mind!"

"Ah! No! Just…knock 'im out or something!"

"Fine." -WHAM- Bakura smacked the guy's head against the side of the car. "Happy?"

"Nope," Misty said. "You didn't have to hit him _that_ hard."

Bakura snarled. "Help me get him into the trunk."

"You don't need any help with that, you're a big strong boy," Misty cooed. "Why ya gotta put him in the trunk? Can'tcha just leave 'im here?"

"Fine, just pop the trunk for me then." he dragged the guy to the back of the car. "WE can't leave im here because we can't risk him walking up and alerting the fort to our presence."

"Bah." Misty popped the trunk. "Fine, what're we gonna do with him _after_ we get all the weapons and stuff?"

Bakura picked up the guy and shoved him in the trunk. "Well, we could dump him in a river or creek." He shut the trunk. "you seem to have plenty of those around here."

"But he's unconscious, he'd drown! I told you, we're not killing anyone!" Misty ordered.

Bakura dusted off his hands and climbed back into the driver's seat. "If he's not dead, he'll talk. But alright, what do _you_ suggest we do with him?"

Misty rolled her eyes up thoughtfully. "Umm…we could tie him up and leave him in the woods somewhere?"

"How dull," Bakura mumbled. Misty glared at him. "But fine! That'll do. Now…" he started the car. "Six blocks down, four and a half blocks over?" He started driving.

"Yup," Misty agreed. She sat quietly while Bakura counted the blocks.

"Four……………fiiiiiiiiive…………siiiiiiiiiiiiiiix………..aaaaand, turn…"

Misty sneezed and scratched her knee. Then she frowned. "Hey, why are we slowing down, we're not there yet…"

"I don't know," Bakura growled, "_I'm_ not doing it…grr…block threeeeeee…"

"…aaand…we've stopped." Misty sighed. "A block away, and we've stopped."

"Aw, shit. We're outta gas!" Bakura glared at Misty. "Why didn't you check before we left!"

Misty glared back. "You're the driver, that _your _job!"

Bakura growled again. "Grr. Fine. Get out. We're walking the rest of the way."

"But we can't leave the car here! My parents'll kill me when they get back!"

"We'll get it back somehow. Now come on." He got out of the car, locked, and stuffed the keys in his pocket. "We'll walk the last block and a half."

Misty got out of the car muttering. "Whatever…"

-----A block and a half later-----

"Okay, in the parking lot, second building to the right…labeled. Ah. It's beautiful." Bakura stared at the building. It said on the front door, **Fort Sill Weapons Supply. **Pretty sad.

"Umm…" Misty looked around uncomfortably. "…mebbe I'll just wait outside…and keep watch and all…"

"Fine by me. Whee!" Bakura ran up to the building happily, and smack against a wall. "Ouch. It's locked. Aha!" He pulled out his pocket knife and picked the lock. "There! And no alarm? Ha! I love this place!" He disappeared into the building.

Misty sighed. "I hope he doesn't take too long…"

-----Five minutes later-----

"I'm ba-ack!" Bakura sauntered out of the building with a huge bulging bag in one hand and a STEN SMG in the other. "And look what I found! Er…my hands are kinda full… here, hold this." He handed Misty the SMG, then pulled a funky key out of his pocket. "See? Not too shabby, eh?"

Misty held the SMG at arm's length. "Um, I guess so…what's it a key to?"

"Follow me, I'll show you!" Bakura said proudly. He walked around the building to a dark, fenced in area surrounding something…big. "Now, just climb over the fence."

"Hey, you wanna take this thing back?" Misty asked, holding the SMG up cautiously.

"No, keep it," Bakura said, already halfway up the fence. "I figured you might need a weapon in case we're caught. Oh, and mind the barbed wire at the top…" He catapulted nimble over the top of the fence and landed in a crouched position on the other side. "Your turn."

"Meep! What are you, part cat?" She slung the SMG over her shoulder -it had a strap- and proceeded climbing the fence. "Hey, what's that sign?…DANGER 10,000 VOLTS?" O.o

"Don't worry," Bakura said. "I found the control room while I was in there and turned everything off."

"In five minutes?" She began climbing the fence again- although not as nimbly as Bakura had.

Bakura shrugged. "What can I say? I'm an expert at breaking and entering."

Misty reached the top of the fence. "Okay, just grab the wire _between_ the barbs…" She grabbed the wire carefully and hiked one leg over. "Almost there, now the other leg…Woaah!" She slipped and fell, catching her pant leg in the barbed wire. "Ow! Ow! Ow! Bakura, help!"

Bakura looked at her, hands on hips, smirking. "I've half a mind to just leave you there…"

"Half a mind's all you got!" Misty hissed. "Now get me down!"

"Okaaay…but first, hand me your camera."

"What?" Misty cried. "No way you're takin a picture of this!"

"Fine," Bakura said. "I'll just leave you here and run you over wit the tank." He turned to leave.

"Wait! …tank? That's what that key was for? I mean ok! Ok, fine…" She pulled the camera out of nowhere again. "Make it quick." She folded her arms angrily.

Bakura pulled the camera up to his face. "Ah, beautiful. Is flash on?"

"Yes!" Misty hissed impatiently. "Now hurry up!"

_A pause to imagine this scene. Not as pretty as the last, to be sure, but funnier. Misty (a blonde, leave it at that) hanging by her leg from a ten-foot fence, arms folded, and an SMG dangling off her arm. All upside-down. Lovely image, eh?_

"All right now, smile!" Bakura said cheerfully.

Misty growled at him.

"…or scowl, whichever you prefer…" -FLASH- "Lovely!" He set the bag of weapons and the camera on the ground. "All right now, pardon me, but…" He grabbed Misty around the waist and yanked. -RIIIIIP-

"Ow!" Misty shrieked. "Well, this is better than the fence I suppose…" She was now hanging upside-down, her face an inch from the ground, Bakura's arms around her waist, and her legs kicking in Bakura's face. "But did you have to pull so hard? You shredded my pants _and_ my leg!"

"Ha! I save your dangling butt and you _complain_?" Bakura scoffed. "Perhaps I should just drop you on your face…"

"Ah! No!" Misty grabbed Bakura's leg. "Thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou! Better?"

"Much." Bakura turned Misty over and set her on her feet. "Now come on. Into the tank!" He ran up to the tank and leaped on top of it.

"Bleh." Misty limped over to the tank and looked up pitifully. "Help me up?"

"You big baby…" He grabbed Misty's arms and lifted her up. "Now be quiet." He opened the hatch and climbed down into the tank.

Misty peeked down the hatch after Bakura. "Wow…it's kinda dark in- AUGH!" -WHUMP- "Ouch."

Bakura turned on the controls and lights and started the ignition. "This is going to be fun! I'm just disappointed that no one's showed up yet."

Misty sat back, rubbing her head. "What, you _want_ to get caught? And I never knew tanks had keys…you know, for ignition and stuff…"

Bakura scratched the gauze on the back of his neck. "Me neither. Let's just pretend. And yes I want to get caught. There hasn't been _nearly_ enough violence or gore yet."

"Well there'll be plenty of violence _and_ gore when Malik shows up, so get going! For all we know he could already be here!"

"And Marik could be dead! Wow, isn't this fun?"

-.-u "Shutup and drive."

"Fine. Off we go!" The tank rumbled along, straight over the fence, through the military weapons supply building, and onto the road. "Whoo! This is awesome! Hey, there's the car!"

"Quick, stop the tank!" Misty ordered. She climbed up out of the tank, jumped off - "ouch!"- popped the trunk of the Cadillac, and pulled out some cable.

Bakura peeked is head out of the hatch. "Aw, you mean I have to tow that thing around? But then I can't run stuff over!"

Misty attached the cable. "Yeah, I know…just a sec…..ok, done!" The turned around, tripped over the cable - "Ow!" - then climbed back into the tank. "Ok, continue driving- and carefully!"

Bakura started the tank moving again. "Back through the gate? Won' they stop us?"

"Nah; the gate closes at nine. There shouldn't be anyone there."

"Okay then…hey, how fast can this thing go?"

"I think 60 mph is its max speed, but there's not a thing can stop it 'cept explosives," Misty said.

"Oooh….gooodie…"

-----Eight and a half minutes later-----

Bakura stopped the tank. "I can't see. We're out of the residential area, and there are no more streetlights. I can't drive like this!"

"Well we can't just wait till morning! Malik will have come, Marik and Ryou will be dead, and he'll have moved on to the larger cities!" Misty said, panicked.

"Good, I'm glad we agree. Here." Bakura handed Misty a heavy-duty flashlight. "now climb up on the top and sit on the end of the- uh, the gun thingy-doodle."

Misty raised an eyebrow. "Gun thingy doodle?"

"Yes, well…erg, eh you know what I mean!" Bakura sputtered.

"Sure I do," Misty said. "But doesn't it have a name?"

"Probably. Now get up there, sit on it, and shine the flashlight on the road ahead. You get to be my headlights."

"Oh joy," Misty grumbled. "She climbed up the ladder, out the hatch, and sat on the end of the gun thingy-doodle. "Light- on!"

"Perfect!" Bakura called up. "Now just don't move till we get back to Apache!"

O.O "This is gonna be a long drive…"


	10. Late Night Television

**Living With Maniacs**

Chapter 10- Late Night Television

Froggy again, introduces the chapter. "Howdy reviewer! Yes, this is the never-before-read tenth chapter...which means nobody knows what's going to happen, but nobody knows if the reivewers will like it at all. It's kinda short...sort of. And dunno if it' funny enough for ya... well, reveiw and let me know how you like it! Hope it lives up to your expectations!"

It was three o clock in the morning, and Misty was still awake. She sat in the living room watching TV and stretching her still-sore muscles. Sitting on the tank for that long had been really uncomfortable. She was still surprised that no one stopped them along the way. But now she sat in her broken recliner, the tank parked in front of her house, and Bakura sprawled on the couch (no longer in the military uniform) sound asleep. And drooling. Kodak moment! Misty leaped out of her chair, pulled the camera out of nowhere again, and snapped a picture of Bakura. The flash, however, woke him up.

"Oho, man," he groaned, stretching. The camera had disappeared. "What time is it?"

"Three o three a.m.," Misty informed him cheerily.

Bakura squinted and propped himself up on one elbow. "What's got you so perky? And what on earth are you watching at this time of night?"

Misty held up a 62 oz. cup and grinned. "I made a deluxe frappuchino. And I'm watching the news. And it's not night, it's morning."

"The news?" Bakura scoffed. "What for?"

"I'm looking for signs of Malik. It's too quiet, and he's been missing for almost nine hours now." Misty sighed. "This is really nerve-wracking."

Bakura got up off the couch and draped his arms over the back of the recliner with a chuckle. "Do you really think there will be something about Malik on the news? Ha. I can see it now." He stood up straight, holding an imaginary microphone. "I'm reporting live from Egypt where a crazed homicidal maniac ran loose only a few hours ago-"

At that moment, Bakura was interrupted by the television beeping to announce a special news bulletin. "We interrupt this program to announce a special news bulletin! We go to our field reporter in Egypt."

"Thank you Aridus," said the reporter. "I'm reporting live from Egypt where a crazed homicidal maniac ran loose only a few hours ago." O-o Bakura falls anime style. "We are here at the scene of destruction caused by an unknown man. This pile of rubble behind me is all that remains of several of few the age-old pyramids known to Egypt. Witnesses claim to have seen the maniac destroy the pyramids with a combination of dynamite and petrol bombs. Let us talk to someone who may have seen it happen." The reporter walked over to a robed man in a turban. "Sir, can you tell us what happened here?" The man turned to face the camera.

"Shadi?" Misty falls anime style.

Shadi stared at the camera with his blue hypnotic pupil-less eyes. "The apocalypse has come. Malik is loose once again. The whole world is in grave peril. He must be subdued or all will be lost!"

The reporter turned back to the camera. "Well there you have it, a-"

"Wait a second lady," Shadi said, yanking her back in a very un-Shadi-like way. "I wasn't finished talking!" He looked straight into the camera again. "Ishizu, you idiot, this is all your fault. I told you growing you own vegetables and testing your new fertilizer was a dumb idea; I can't believe you actually made you own brother eat that stuff. And Yami, you dickweed, Pharaoh or not you still owe me fifteen hundred bucks for that bet we made about Yugi and the maraschino cherries. So pay up." Shadi bowed politely towards the camera, then turned with a flip of his cloak and was gone.

The reporter blinked a few times, then regained her composure. "And there we have it. A first-hand look and the devastation that has been caused by a single man. More eye-witness accounts in a few minutes. This is Vacca Merda reporting live from Egypt. Back to you, Mr. Bulla."

"Thank you Vacca! More on that in a few minutes. And now for local news. Federal base Fort Sill reports a recent break-in. Officials report they are missing numerous guns and ammunition, as well as an armored tank. It appears to be the work of a criminal mastermind planning mass destruction, or perhaps a terrorist attack from within our society-"

Misty muted the television and turned to Bakura, lifting an eyebrow. "So, what do you think of that?"

Bakura grinned proudly. "I'm a criminal mastermind. D"

Misty shook her head. "No, not that you nitwit! About Malik!"

"Oh." Bakura frowned. "He'll be here soon. Before daybreak, without a doubt." he scratched his ear thoughtfully. "Chances are he'll arrive within the hour."

"Arrive where exactly? America? Oklahoma? Right here?"

"Erm…" Bakura scratched his ear a little harder. "America, I'd say. He left Egypt several hours ago, and has most likely gained access to an airborne craft. So he'll be _here_ here in about…" -scratch scratch- "Three hours, 27 minutes, aaaand…" Misty pulled out a stopwatch. "…13 seconds."

Misty shuddered. "Great. I guess we should prepare ourselves, huh?"

"Prepare how?" Bakura asked.

"You know…wake up Marik and Ryou, hand out weapons, get in the tank?" Misty suggested with a shrug.

"Sounds reasonable," Bakura said, standing up and stretching. "Shall we round up the troops, then?" He finally stopped scratching his ear.

"No," Misty said, glancing at the television. "You go wake 'em up. I'll keep an eye on the news."

"Fine by me," Bakura agreed, sneaking off in the direction of the bedrooms with a low chuckle. Misty watched him go, then turned her attention back to the television in time to hear the anchorman announce that a search party will be dispatched at first light to look for the missing tank. Misty sighed and flopped back in her recliner, slurping her deluxe frappuchino thoughtfully. _Yeah, the tank does sort of stand out… maybe our first order of business should be to hide it somewhere. If only this were some hokey story, then escaping the officials would be so easy…_ She sighed again. Before she could return to her speculations, a splash was heard, followed immediately by and ear-splitting shriek.

"Ryou's up!" Bakura called.

Misty slapped her forehead and slid her hand down her face, mumbling. A sound behind her made her jump; she turned and saw Ryou stumble into the room. He wore nothing but blue jeans; his head and shoulders were soaked. He didn't look very much alive. "Hey there, dude!" Misty said cheerfully. "You're looking bright-eyed and bushy-tailed!"

"Like a squirrel on crack," Ryou yawned, rubbing his eyes. He stretched, grunted, the glared at Misty. "Was it _your_ clever idea to have Bakura dump icy water over my head in the wee hours of the night?"

Misty grinned sheepishly. "I only told him to wake you, I didn't specify how. And it's not night, it's morning!"

Ryou growled, then flopped down on the couch Bakura had been sleeping on a few minutes earlier. "So what are you watching?"

"The news," Misty informed him. "For information on the whereabouts of Malik."

Ryou sighed and smiled. "Mistaya, do you honestly think the _news_ will-"

"It already did," Misty interrupted. "I'm waiting for more eyewitness accounts."

o-o "Oh." He shrugged. "Well, what have you seen so far?"

"Shadi called Ishizu and idiot and Yami dickweed on live television. And Yugi took some sort of dare about maraschino cherries-"

"Wha?" Ryou gasped, shaking his head confusedly. "N- no! No, about Malik!" He shuddered, slightly disturbed.

"Oh. He blew up some pyramids a couple hours ago. That's all I know. There should be more in a few-" Misty glanced back at the TV and her eyes widened. "It's back on!" She un-muted the television, and they both fixed their eyes on the screen.

"And we're back! I'm Aridus Bulla for News Channel 13. Chaos has struck in Egypt, where an unidentified madman ran loose only a few hours ago. We go to our field reporter Vacca Merda on the scene."

"Thank you Aridus. As we continue our investigation of this tragedy, it becomes obvious that sanity is not present with this man. Witnesses claim to have seen him brutally _murder_ a man." Reporter Vacca approached a pair. One was sitting huddled on a rock, his only distinguishable features being his black clothes, white trench coat, and brown hair. Standing next to the man, patting him on the back, was a little black-haired boy.

"Kaiba and Mokuba?" Misty and Ryou both fall anime style.

"Excuse me sir, but did you see what happened?" the reporter asked.

"Yeah, we saw everything, but I don't think we can talk about it. The whole incident has been really hard on Seto's nerves and-"

"No Mokuba," Kaiba sniffled, lifting his head and wiping his eyes. "I think I can talk about it."

"Are you sure?" asked Mokuba, seeming concerned

"I'm sure," Kaiba agreed. He finished wiping his eyes, then took a deep breath. "Ok. Well, Mokuba and I flew to Egypt in my private jet- we were coming to talk to some Egyptian CEOs about establishing and Egyptian line of my gaming company. We arrived a little early, so we were taking a private tour on my private helicopter so we could get a private view of the pyramids-"

Mokuba coughed a little, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms.

"And as soon as we landed, the pyramids just exploded and then this crazy guy came running up to the helicopter laughing all creepy." -sniffle- "I- I told the pilot to take off, but the guy ran up and leaped like ten feet-"

"_Two_ feet," Mokuba coughed.

"-ten feet in the air and into the copter's open door and threatened me with a flamethrower-"

"It was a _shotgun_ stupid!" Mokuba said, throwing his hands up exasperatedly.

"Well it _looked _like a flamethrower, _okay_?" snapped Kaiba. "Just let me continue!"

"Fine!" Mokuba hissed, turning his back to his brother.

Seto _hmph_ed a little, then turned back to the camera. "_Anyways_," -sigh- "he threatened me with a flamethrower," -evil eye directed at Mokuba- "and demanded I give him control of the helicopter so he could get to America. I refused, very bravely-"

"You were _crying_!" Mokuba said loudly.

"I refused very bravely!" Kaiba said, raising his voice, "and he picked me and Mokuba up and _threw_ us out of the helicopter. Mokuba landed on top of me and nearly crushed me-"

"I weigh less than seventy _pounds_, Seto," Mokuba mumbled.

"He nearly crushed me, okay!" Seto glared evilly at Mokuba again. "Mokuba landed on top of me, and then…" -sniffle- "well, then…" -sniffle, squeak- "oh- _oh, it's horrible!_ _Ohooo!_" Seto broke down completely and began sobbing uncontrollably into his hands.

"Seto, you're such a baby!" Mokuba exclaimed. He shoved his brother over, rolled his eyes, then turned to the camera. "Alright, I'll finish telling ya what happened. After we got tossed out of the copter, it stayed hovering a few feet off the ground, and I hear this crazy laughing and a chainsaw being revved up. Then something came flying out of the copter and hit Seto in the back." Mokuba chuckled and pointed to the reddish-brown stain on Seto's precious cloak. "Heheh. It was the copilot's severed head. That was kinda creepy. Then his body got tossed, and the blood from his neck was sprayin' all over… _that_ was kinda cool. I guess the pilot got scared by that, cuz the copter took off with the maniac. I guess he was headed right to America like he wanted to."

"Extraordinary! Can you tell us what the man looked like?" asked the reporter.

"What he looked like? Shoot, I can tell you who his is!" Mokuba laughed.

Reporter Vacca looked surprised. "Wh- well, then tell me! Who is this mysterious madman?"

"Marik," Mokuba said promptly. "Marik Ishtar."

"Amazing!" the reporter exclaimed. "Did you get that name, Aridus?" she asked the camera.

"Yes I did, Vacca! We'll have that name run through our database to collect more information."

"Great! Sir, how can we thank-" the reporter turned to address Mokuba, but he was already walking away, dragging Seto by the arm while Seto wailed in a tear-filled voice, "Why are you so _mean_?" -sniffle sob sniffle-

"We'll have a profile of the murderer in a few minutes," Aridus Bulla announced. "Don't go away!"

Misty turned slowly to look, wide-eyed, at Ryou. O.O "Dear God, I can't believe this!"

Ryou rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Yeah, I never realized Kaiba and Mokuba had such issues-"

Misty fell out of her recliner. "No, stupid! I mean about Marik! Kaiba and Mokuba never got the whole yami/hikari thing, they don't know the difference between Marik and Malik, so now the police will be looking for Marik instead!"

"Yes, that's true," Ryou agreed, "but they both look alike; pretty much everything about them is the same…"

"Except their hair," Misty interrupted. "And their voices. And the whole glowy-forehead veiny-face thing. And their eyes, since Malik has no pupils…"

"Yes, but those aren't major differences," Ryou tried to say.

"My point **_is_**," Misty continued doggedly, "that if Marik's picture is posted up everywhere, if Marik and Malik stand side by side it'll be MARIK they'd accuse!"

"Yes, I see your point." Ryou sighed and folded his arms thoughtfully, then looked at the TV and flinched. "Uh oh."

Misty looked at the uh oh and groaned. Marik's picture filled half the screen, and on the other half was his profile:

Name- Marik Ishtar

Height- 5'9"

Weight- 121 lbs

Hair- Blonde

Eyes- Violet

**WANTED FOR MURDER AND TERRORIST ACTIONS**

"Oh _man_!" Misty groaned, face in hands. She looked up at the ceiling, fists clenched, and screamed, "This is supposed to be humor, not angst! HUMOR!"

Ryou stared at Misty the way a hawk would stare at a rabbit with a knife. His thoughts, however, were interrupted by a splash and a cry of "What the crap?" Misty looked up, then mumbled something about 'it was only Bakura.' She sighed, staring at the TV screen, where Marik's wanted picture was still shown.

"Can anything else possibly go wrong?" she hissed. As if cued by the question, Bakura entered the room dragging and unconscious form by the arm.

"Um, Misty?" he said, sporting a never-before-used expression of innocent confusion. "Marik won't wake up."

Misty sighed. "I had to ask."


	11. Bakura's Worst Fear

**Living With Maniacs**

Chapter 11 - Bakura's Worst Fear

Misty stood numbly and stared. First at Bakura, looking strangely innocent, then at Ryou, standing shocked and wide-eyed, and finally at Marik, lying on the floor like a dead man.

"He won't wake up," Bakura repeated, nudging at Marik with his foot. "I dumped water over his head…"

Misty kept staring. "But…how? I mean why?" She blinked. "But he was just fine when we left earlier. And I'm sure Ryou took good care of him…" She looked up. "Ryou?"

He gulped. "Um, yes Mistaya?"

"Was Marik like this before you went to sleep?"

Ryou laughed nervously. "Well, it's funny you should mention that. You see, I uh… well we were…you know…well, here's what happened…"

Flashback

Ryou looked out the window and watched as Bakura and Misty drove away to prepare for Malik's arrival. "I bet they're going to have sex without me and such," He grumbled. He walked back to the kitchen and kicked the empty cup on the floor. "Baka yami," he muttered. Suddenly a tan and blonde flash went by and caught the cup he had kicked before it hit the ground. Marik sat, shaking his butt and looking up at Ryou with the cup in his mouth.

"Arf?"

Ryou glared at doggy Marik. "What're you so happy about, mutt?"

Marik sat up and begged, pawing at Ryou and urging him to throw the cup.

Ryou folded his arms. "No way, I refuse to play fetch with you Marik. Now go eat poop or something." He turned around, walked to the living room, and sat on the couch. Out of nowhere, Marik was sitting beside him. Like a dog. Wagging his "tail." Ryou glared. Marik puppy-dog-eyed. Back and forth. Forth and back.

Ryou threw up his hands in exasperation. "Fine! I'll throw the stupid cup!" He grabbed the cup and yanked, but Marik refused to let go. "Give it! Give it!" Ryou whined. Marik started growling and shaking his head, keeping a firm grip on the cup. Ryou gave one final almighty yank, and his hands slipped off the cup because all the slobber. Ryou looked at his drool-covered hands with disgust. "You know, Marik, I was just beginning to think there was no earthly way for me to like you less…"

Marik dropped the drool-ridden cup in Ryou's lap and whined.

"Ew, great! Oh, so _now_ you're going to let me throw the stupid cup? Fine!" Ryou picked up the cup and hurled straight out the open window. Marik leaped off the couch in hot pursuit. And in mid-bound, he stopped. He froze for a moment, then fell to the motionless to the ground. Ryou rolled his eyes. "What, you playing dead or something?" He got up and kicked Marik. "Stupid dog boy."

Marik didn't move.

Ryou frowned, hands on hips. "Oh come on. Like I'm supposed to believe that." He reached down and pulled Marik's precious hair.

Marik didn't move.

Ryou began to sweat. "Um, ok Marik, joke's over…" He poked Marik's stomach. "Marik? Wake up. Wake up!" He stood and started kicking Marik repeatedly. "Wake up wake up wake up wake up!" he screamed desperately.

Marik didn't move.

"Whoa-kay, time for bed Marik-chan!" Ryou grabbed Marik's arms and dragged him down the hall. He kicked open the door to Marik's room, dragged the unconscious form to the bed, and tossed him up. As a final touch, he tucked a pillow under Marik's head and pulled the sheets up around his neck.

"There," Ryou said, dusting off his hands. "Like a baby. G'night!"

End Flashback

Misty and Bakura stared. "Wha-at?" Ryou asked nervously. "I thought perhaps…he was sleep deprived and a good nap would…uh, refresh him?" He blinked. "Heh."

Misty slapped her forehead and dragged her hand down her face. Bakura fell over laughing.

"What's so funny?" Ryou demanded indignantly.

Bakura rolled on the floor, pointing at Ryou and gasping, "You were jealous of a dog!"

"You thought we were going to have sex?" Misty asked incredulously. "Sheesh. "What happened to _No Sex Please, We're British_ ?"

Ryou's head snapped up. "Who on earth told you a thing like that? The idea s preposterous! Ludicrous! Inconceivable! Completely--"

"It's the name of a play," Misty interrupted him.

"Oh."

Bakura finally stopped laughing and got up off the floor. "Whoo! That's great. Jealous…hee hee…crazy hikari…ha…of a dog…man. Ahem." He dusted off his pants. "So any idea what's wrong with Marik? You think perhaps he had a doggy seizure?"

"No," Misty mused, "it sounds too sudden for that." She glared at Ryou. "You're supposed to be the smart one! What do _you _think happened?"

Ryou glared at the unconscious Marik and thought, _This is all _your _fault!_ Then, out loud, "Well, isn't this the next stage of the illness caused by Ishizu's vegetables?"

Misty's mouth dropped open. "Ooh, I see…wait, that can't be right. When Odion left yesterday afternoon he said the unconsciousness wouldn't start for another day or two. If it's the disease, then…uh oh. I think Marik's going through the stages faster than Malik did! That's why it happened sooner than Odion expected. O-o But…but…Odion said the unconscious stage only lasts a brief time, so chances are we'll have both Marik _AND_ Malik running blood-thirsty! At the same time! -Expletive deleted- ! We're all gonna die!" With that, Misty fell over face first on the couch.

"Brilliant deduction, Holmes," Bakura said, clapping.

Misty gave no response. There was an awkward silence. Ryou sneezed. Bakura kicked Marik. And Misty fell asleep in a grand record of 13 seconds.

Ryou poked her. "Psst! Mistaya, are you awake?" he whispered. Misty started snoring.

"Hooray!" Bakura said. "Now we can have some fun with Marik!"

Ryou looked uncertainly at Bakura. "What?"

Bakura rolled his eyes. "No, not like _that_ you sex-obsessed, British albino dog-hating hikari of mine! Play jokes on him and stuff. Shave off his eyebrows, draw on a mustache, pierce his bellybutton…stuff like that!" Bakura chuckled evilly. "As long as Misty stays asleep. So let's go!" Bakura grabbed Marik's arms, Ryou grabbed Marik's legs, and they carried him to their room.

"Alright then," Ryou said, eager to inflict bodily harm on Marik, "What shall we do first?"

"Well, I guess we can start with the things I already said," Bakura suggested. "Do you know where any razors are?"

Ryou scratched his head. "Nooo…oh, but you still have that permanent marker, don't you?"

Bakura's eyes brightened. "Yes!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out the marker labeled _Unscented Permanent_.

Ryou jumped up and down. "Ooh, ooh, pick ;me! I wanna do it, gimme the marker, gimme gimme!" He snatched the marker from Bakura's hand. "He needs some facial hair anyway…" He leaned over Marik's prostrate form and started carefully drawing on his face. Bakura stood back, arms crossed, listening to the marker squeak. "Viola!" Ryou said, holding the marker up high and stepping away. Bakura took a good look and cracked up.

"He looks like a bloody French artist or something!" Bakura gasped between spasms of laughter. "I knew you had it in you, hikari."

Ryou bowed slightly. "Little Mariku had it coming," he said simply. "Now perhaps I should give him a goatee and darken his eyebrows to match?"

Bakura snorted. "I don't know what you've got against this guy, but I'm up for some entertainment!"

Ryou looked at Marik with a glint of jealousy and malevolence in his eyes. "Let's see how much Misty likes you with a mustache and goatee, little Marik," he thought to himself. He stuck his tongue out in concentration, but just as he leaned over Marik with the marker, -SMACK- something green and fuzzy came flying through the air and latched onto Ryou's head - like when robot monkey Tristan jumped on Nezbit Tristan. "Aiiieee!" Ryou shrieked. He threw the marker in the air, grabbed the green thing on his face, and attempted to disentangle himself. "Bakura! Help, help! God, it's suffocating me!"

Bakura took a hesitant step towards his hikari, and "AUGH!" The marker Ryou had thrown stabbed Bakura in his left eye. "Augh! Ow ow! Dear Ra, it burns!"

The two danced around screaming until Ryou ripped the green thing off his head and threw it with all his might - right at Bakura. -WHAM- Bakura was knocked flat on his back, and the green thing went rolling.

"Bakura, are you all right?" Ryou asked, running up to his dark half and helping him off the floor. Bakura stood shakily, black inky tears steaming from his rapidly swelling left eye.

"What does it _look_ like?" he hissed.

Ryou flinched. "Did - did _I _do that?" he asked worriedly. Bakura glared at him. Without saying a word, he picked up the guilty marker, grabbed Ryou firmly by the chin, and ran the permanent marker down Ryou's cheek and across his mouth.

"Ai!" Ryou shoved Bakura away and spit. "Ugh, that tastes awful! You probably poisoned me, you rotten-"

"HEY!"

Bakura and Ryou mumped, then turned toward the voice. The fuzzy green thing that had attacked Ryou was getting slowly to its feet. The opposite halves stared. It was a stuffed frog. A fuzzy stuffed frog, standing almost two feet tall on its hind legs. Glaring at them.

"Will you two put a sock in it!" the frog said angrily. Ryou and Bakura exchanged fearful glances. Great Britain had obviously not seen its share of talking stuffed animals. "That's much better," the frog said, dusting off its furry knees. "Now you two airheads listen to what I have to say, you hear me?" Bakura squeaked and backed slowly behind his Light. "Ok then. So what exactly do you guys think you are doing?" The frog tried to cross its stubby arms.

Ryou shrugged. "Well…I….I-"

"I thought so," the frog growled. "You've totally lost track of what you're doing here!" You are all involved in a plot! You've run this whole thing into the ground, and _somebody_ has been working really hard on this!"

Ryou frowned. "Wait, working on -"

"Don't speak! What I'm trying to say is get your act together! Ryou, leave Marik alone! Just because you're jealous doesn't mean you have to harass him like that! Now you guys focus cuz Malik'll be showin' up soon!" With that said, the frog turned on its heel and marched out of the room. Ryou stared after him. He looked at Marik's black, curling mustache and cringed.

"Mistaya's going to know I did that," he told himself. "And she'll be angry with me. Man!" he turned and kicked the bed.

"Ouch!"

Ryou jumped back. "Hey, who's there? Wait -" he glanced around and realized Bakura was nowhere to be seen. "Bakura? I say, is that you?"

Bakura poked his head out from under the bed, his hair standing on end. His eyes darted around the room furtively. "Is it gone?" he whispered.

"Um…yes?"

"Thank Ra," Bakura sighed. He looked up at Ryou and waved him closer. "Come here. I have a secret to tell you." Ryou frowned and knelt by Bakura. "I…" Bakura took a deep breath and leaned a little closer to Ryou. "I'm terrified of frogs!"

Ryou fell over backwards and started giggling madly. "Of _frogs_? Haha! Oh, that's a good one 'Kura!" Bakura glare at him. Ryou sat up and started. "You're serious?"

Bakura blushed and nodded.

Ryou snorted. "That's just sad, yami."

Bakura crawled out form under the bed and grabbed Ryou by his shirt collar. "See here, Ryou! If you EVER say a word about this to _anyone_, I swear I will KILL you!" He tightened his grip on Ryou's collar and lifted him off the floor. "Understand?"

Before Ryou could answer, footsteps were heard in the hallway. "Eep! It's coming back!" Bakura dropped Ryou and dove back under the bed. Ryou got up and stared uncertainly at the door.

"Hello?" Misty peeked into the room. "Oh, hey, Ryou! I must have dozed off. What -" Bakura backed out from underneath the bed and stood up, dusting off his knees. "What happened to you guys?" Ryou and Bakura looked at each other; Ryou had a black streak down his left cheek going down to his mouth, and Bakura had a red eye with black all around it and a watery black streak running down his face. "And what were you doing under the bed?"

Ryou chuckled. "He was -"

"- looking for my marker!" Bakura interrupted. "Yes, my marker. We were playing with it and it, uh, rolled under the bed. Yeah." He glared at Ryou, who only smiled back.

"Uh, ooooookay…well, I figured since Malik'll be here in…" she looked at her stopwatch. "Two hours, thirty six minutes, aaand eleven seconds, we really ought to start preparing and whatnot. And Bakura? You do realize that the Cadillac is still tied to the tank and that guy is still in the trunk, right? Could you do something about that?"

Bakura silently nodded his head. "I'll do that now." He left the room in a hurry.

Ryou gleefully watched him go. He now had the upper hand, and Bakura knew it. He looked at Misty, and his smile faded. She was glaring at him and pointing at Marik.

"Is that what Bakura meant when he said you guys were playing with the marker?" she demanded.

Ryou lowered his head and looked at Marik's mustache. "Well, I…um…" He stopped. _If I wanted to, I could blame it on Bakura…and there's no way he'd deny it and let Mistaya know what he's afraid of…No don't, Ryou. It wouldn't be right! …but you don't want Mistaya to be mad at you… _

"_Well? I'm waiting! Explain!"_

Ryou looked straight into her eyes. "Well, after you fell asleep…"

----Outside the house----

Bakura stomped out to the Cadillac in a huff. "That bloody hikari-" he yanked and the cable, trying to undo the knot "- better not tell _anyone_ -" he couldn't get the knot undone and growled a little under his breath "- about that _thing_ -" he pinched his hand in the cable and cursed "- if he does I'll _kill _-" he kicked the cable, and the knot came undone and the cable fell to the ground "- him." He sighed, picked up the cable, shuffled to the trunk, and popped it open.

-WHAM- Something hit Bakura solidly in the stomach. He droppe the cable and fell over, completely doubled up. The dude whose clothes he had stolen leaped out of the trunk, his fists up.

"You're the one who stuffed me in here, eh bud?" the man said challengingly.

Bakura stood slowly, supporting himself on the car. "I'm not in the mood for this," he said through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, yeah? Bring it on, pally!"he said, hopping about like a boxer.

Bakura inhaled deeply, rolled his neck from side to side, then ran right past the guy. "Yeah, that's right, run away you limp noodle!" he yelled as Bakura faded into the darkness. He chuckled to himself, dusted his hands, and turned to the Cadillac. "Now then. I'll find my clothes and then report this lunatic on a federal offense. Ha!" He didn't give Bakura a second thought. And that was a mistake.

Bakura came running up from behind the guy. He raced by him, leaped into the air, launched himself off the car, and kicked the guy right in the face. The dude didn't see it coming till the foot hit his face.

"You asked for it," Bakura muttered. He glared down at the unconscious man. "Misty isn't here to tell me not to kill him or anything…" He glanced around cautiously. "Eh, I'll just dump him in the river and let him drown. Serves him right for hitting me like that." he rubbed his stomach. "I'll probably get a bruise from that." He retrieved the cable from where he'd dropped it and securely tied his assailant. Then he stuffed him - none too gently - into the trunk of the car. "Now, to the river!" he started the car and was off.


	12. The Awakening

**Living With Maniacs**

Chapter 12- The Awakening

Here's Froggy! "Yes, yes,I won't keep you waiting. I just wanted to extend my sincere apologies for the long wait. Personal promblems, please forgive and please enjoy the chappie!"

The gravel crunched steadily beneath the wheels of the Cadillac as Bakura drove slowly down the abandoned road through the woods. Crickets chirped, cicadas buzzed, and Bakura grumbled under his breath.

"As soon as I get this stupid guy out of my hair, I'll have to do something about that bloody hikari of mine," he mumbled to himself. "I don't trust him alone with Misty. He's gonna tell her, I _know_ he is. Ah! Here we are." He slowed the car to a halt in from of a broken metal bridge. He got out of the car, leaving the headlights on, and walked around to the back of the car and dragged the unconscious guy out of the trunk.

"At least Misty isn't here to tell me I can't kill him." He sighed as he dragged the man toward the bridge. "Huh. I wonder what she and Ryou are doing. ..I mean, if he isn't telling her about…" He shook his head. "Never mind. I don't _want_ to know what they might be doing." He looked up at the black, starless night and, while staring, tripped over a stick. "Ow!" He kicked the unconscious man, as though blaming him for his fall, then crawled to his feet and dragged the man to the bridge and dropped him through a huge hole without a second thought. He waited a moment and was rewarded by a pleasing splash. He smiled and glanced down at the man as he slowly sunk to the bottom of the foot-deep river. He saw two dark shapes moving slowly towards the man: garpike. "Ooh, I'll want to watch this," he said delightedly. He crouched next to the hole in the bridge and prepared to witness what he hoped would be a bloody scene, when he heard it.

"Ribbit."

"Eek!" Bakura shrieked. He stood up in a rush, spun around, lost his balance, and fell backwards through the hole in the bridge. -SPLASH- He landed right next to the man he had dumped, and the two garpike darted away into the murky waters. "Shit," he hissed, shoving away the body and getting to his feet. He waded to shore, fuming, and began climbing the steep bank. "Damned frogs, they're after me, I swear!"

"Ribbit."

"What the f-" He jerked away from the sound, lost his balance, and tumbled down the embankment and back into the river. He sat up, now soaking wet and covered in mud, and proceeded to release the most vile string of English and Egyptian expletives that made even the crickets go quiet. The he sighed and raced up the embankment. He stopped at the top and blinked in the headlights. He took a deep breath.

"Alright. I'm okay. I'm okay. I am-"

"Ribbit!"

"Holy shit!" Bakura leaped for the Cadillac, made a wild U-turn, and sped back to Misty's house with the lid of the trunk banging the whole way.

----Back at Misty's----

Misty sat nervously on the couch, digging through Bakura's bag of weapons and glancing at her stopwatch ever five seconds. Ryou sat on the couch next to her, whistling contentedly and peeking at the contents of the bag.

"Wow, what are all those things?" Ryou asked in an attempt to strike up a conversation.

"Weapons," Misty said simply, glancing at her stopwatch.

Ryou frowned. "Uh…yes, of course. ……what _kind_ of weapons?"

"I dunno. I've never seen most of this stuff before." She pulled out a decently sized, uh, _thing_, and handed it to Ryou. "Here. Figure out what this is for me."

O-O Ryou held the weapon carefully, staring at it. "Uh…heh, _how_ am I to figure out what it is, Mistaya?"

Misty began making a small pile of hand grenades. "I dunno. Push buttons, pull triggers, whatever."

Ryou gaped at her. "But…but…but I…" He shut his mouth. "Fine then." he held the weapon up delicately and studied it. "Hmm, I wonder what this does…" FWOOSH "Ai!" Ryou tossed the weapon aside and leaped up and down in a panic. "Mistaya! Mistaya, your recliner is on fire!"

"Uh huh."

"Well what should I do?"

"I dunno. Put it out."

"Okay!" Ryou raced to the kitchen and filled p a bucket of water, then hurried back to the living room, sloshing, and dumped the bucket on the chair. Smoke filled the room, and the fire got smaller. "Ack! Need more water!" Ryou rushed back to the kitchen to refill the bucket.

While Ryou ran back and forth trying to put out the fire, Misty sat calmly, packing the weapons away. "I guess I shouldn't let these catch on fire or blow up or anything…" She hiked the bag up on he shoulder and trudged out the door. And bumped into a very muddy, very wet, and _very_ disheveled Bakura.

"Hey Misty, I did what you asked," he grunted, then shoved past her and plopped down on the couch. He stared at the burning recliner and Ryou running back and forth with buckets of water. The fire was slowly dying. "What happened here?"

"Oh, nothing much," Misty said, setting the bag of weapons just outside the door and safely away from the fire. "Ryou found the flamethrower."

"Oh." Bakura sighed. He was in a foul mood, and the sun hadn't even risen yet. What a day this was gonna be.

Misty straightened suddenly, as though remembering something. "oh yes. There's something I want to talk to you about."

Bakura didn't like the sound of that. And that frown she was wearing wasn't too encouraging either. "Yeah?" he asked tentatively.

"Come here." Misty marched out of the living room and down the hall to Ryou and Bakura's room. Bakura trudged along behind her, and Ryou, having put out the fire, gleefully crept along behind him.

Misty opened the bedroom door. "In here." Bakura entered the room uncertainly, but he stated chuckling at the sight of Marik's drawn-on mustache. A glare from Misty silenced him. "I don't think it's funny. I'm very disappointed in you, harassing poor Marik when he's completely helpless!"

"Me!" Bakura protested. "But it wasn't me, it was-" He glanced over Misty's shoulder and saw Ryou , grinning sadistically and mouthing the word "frogs." Bakura froze. He suddenly found himself caught between total humiliation and a false accusation. Oh, he _abhorred_ vacations.

"Well? I'm waiting!" Misty said, tapping her foot impatiently. "Did you do it or not?"

Bakura inhaled deeply, and said through clenched teeth, "Yes. I'm sorry."

Misty glared at him disapprovingly. "Don't apologize to me! When Marik wakes up you'll have some explaining to do! Now go get a washcloth and clean off his face!"

Ryou began dancing in circles in the hallway behind Misty's back. Bakura clenched his fists. "Alright." he would have his revenge. Regardless of the promise he'd made, he would have his revenge. And with that grim thought settled in his mind, he strode to the bathroom to get a cloth for Marik's face.

Mist turned to you and sighed heavily. "I'm so disappointed in him!" she said. "I was just beginning to think he was really a sweet guy…but maybe he _is_ just a bad guy and that's all."

Ryou smiled gently and put his hand comfortingly on Misty's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Mistaya. But if it's any solace to you, I'll _always_ be sweet."

Misty grinned and shook her head. "you're so cute." She hugged him softly, and Bakura walked up behind the two of them and stopped short.

"Am I interrupting something?" he growled, the washcloth in his hands slowly dripping on the carpet.

"No," Misty said coldly, letting go of Ryou. "We were just discussing how much more considerate Ryou is than you. He's so sweet, compassionate, respectful of other people's feelings- _what_ is wrongwith you?"

Bakura's face was bright red and progressing towards purple, and he was squeezing the washcloth so hard a steady stream of water was soaking the carpet. "What…is…_wrong_? You know what, I can take some humiliation. I'll _tell_ you what's wrong!" Ryou's eyes began to lose their shine. His big advantage was doing him no good, and as soon as Bakura told on him, he wouldn't have a snowman's chance in Death Valley with Mistaya- or anything else, for that matter. Bakura threw the washcloth across the room and against the wall above Marik's bed. "You wanna hear about your sweet, _compassionate_ Ryou!" -SPLAT- The washcloth slid down the wall and landed on Marik's face. Everybody went suddenly quiet.

Marik sat up, pulled the washcloth off his face, and tossed it aside. "Hey gang." He smiled evilly, eyes narrowed. "Long time no kill -- I mean see."

Ryou whimpered. "This is it," Misty whispered dramatically. "The final stage."

Bakura merely smiled and walked up to Marik. "Hey man, you woke up just in time! Malik'll be here in--" He glanced at Misty.

"--one hour, twenty two minutes, and thirty six seconds," she informed him promptly.

"Yes." Bakura nodded. "He's got your Toybox, and he wants to play games with you."

Marik's evil grin widened. "I'll kick his ass."

Bakura nodded. "I'm sure you would. If--"

Marik's head snapped up. "_If_?"

"If…you had weapons."

"Oh." Marik scratched his head. Where can I get some?"

Bakura smiled. He was so good at this. "Here's the deal. We have a tank and a bag of some of _the_ best weapons, all of which we'll be happy to share."

Marik raised one eyebrow. "But?"

"But, you're not allowed to harm Misty, Ryou, or myself in any way. Deal?"

Marik stood and put his hands on his hips. "Does the said bag have a flamethrower?"

"Yes," Misty said blandly.

Marik nodded approvingly. "And a chainsaw?"

"Uh…" Bakura and Misty exchanged worried glances. And Marik noticed.

"No chainsaw, no deal," Marik said, crossing his arms.

"Our neighbor has one!" Misty said quickly. "We could, uh, borrow it from his garage for some time…but we'll have to return it, cuz he's a preacher…"

"It's settled then," Bakura said, cracking his knuckles. "Deal?" He held his hand out to Marik.

Marik stared expressionlessly at the offered hand for a moment, then a smile spread across his face and he shook the hand vigorously. "You strike a tough bargain, my friend, but you've got yourself a deal!"

Bakura grinned, satisfied. He turned to Misty and Ryou, both of whom were quite amazed at the simple genius of the transaction that had just taken place. "That's okay, you can thank me later," Bakura said graciously. "Now. Misty. Go get this man his chainsaw." Misty hurried off to do so, and Bakura turned to Ryou.

"Heh. No hard feelings, eh chum? I mean, we can just let this whole incident go, no need to dwell in the past," Ryou said hurriedly.

"Save it," Bakura said, cutting Ryou off before he could continue. He pointed his finger at Ryou. "You. Clean off," he pointed at Marik, "_his_ face." Ryou gulped.

"Wait-- my face?" Marik put his hand to his face. "What did you--" he stopped short and ran into the bathroom. "AUGH! What the hell did you _do_!" he screamed.

Bakura folded his arms. "Ryou did it."

"Why you little…" Marik growled. He marched to Ryou, grabbed him by the throat, an started shaking him. "How _dare_ you touch my ace, you rotten little--"

"Hey!" Misty cried, running into the room with the chainsaw in her hands. "Stop that! What are you doing?"

Keeping a firm grip on Ryou, who was slowly going blue in the face, Marik said, "Did you see what he did to my face!"

"Let him go! You made a promise that you wouldn't hurt any of us in any way!" Misty ordered.

"Fine." Marik shoved Ryou away and took the chainsaw from Misty. "But I don't like him."

_The feeling's mutual_ Ryou thought to himself, hand on his sore neck.

Misty took a deep breath and glared fixedly at Ryou. "I think we all feel the same way right now. I can't believe you lied to me Ryou. And Bakura, I'm sorry I blamed you." She walked over to him and hugged him while Ryou eyed them both jealously. "Why didn't you say something right away?"

Bakura grimaced. "Well…"

"Because he didn't want you to know he was afraid of frogs!" Ryou blurted out.

Misty stared at Ryou. "You were _blackmailing_ him?"

Ryou flinched. "Sort of."

Misty threw up her hands in disgust. "I can't _believe_--"

Bakura put his hand up. "It's okay. Don't worry about it Misty. Now, I think we should all get a little sleep before Malik arrives."

Misty nodded, and Ryou and Marik mumbled an agreement. They all trooped into the living room; Misty curled up in her recliner, and Bakura and Marik each claimed a couch, leaving poor dejected Ryou to sleep on the floor. Despite the seemingly uncomfortable situation and accommodations, they all fell asleep quickly.

A little more than an hour later, as the sun began its ascent into the cloudless sky, Misty's stopwatch and the Apache tornado siren went off in unison.


	13. The Game Begins

**Living With Maniacs**

Chapter 13- The Game Begins

Once again, Froggy enters the scene. "Aha, an update sooner than you expected! But you'd better review both chapters anyways...if you haven't already reviewed 12. Please check the bio, got stuffs in there again! And, if anyone wonders why I, Froggy, am in the beginning of almost every chapter, it's to communicate with the readers without doing anything illegal on ffnet." Eyes ffnet police. "Whom I love and respect very much. On to the chapter now! Give lots of helpful information in these reviews, very concerned about the violent upcoming qualities..."

Bakura woke with a start and rolled off the couch. Marik sat up as well, alert, clutching his chainsaw, and…well, evil. Ryou stayed sound asleep, sprawled on the floor, and Misty snored peacefully, curled in a ball on her recliner.

"What on earth is that awful noise?" Bakura cried. He looked at Marik, who only shrugged and listened. "Misty. Misty!" Bakura poked Misty's shoulder.

"Wha? Hmm?" Misty mumbled, slowly opening her eyes.

"What's that noise?" Bakura asked over the din.

Misty sat up. "Oh, it's my stopwatch," she said. She pushed a button, and the beeping stopped, but the wailing continued.

"Not that!" Bakura exclaimed. "That horrible loud thing that's making every dog in town bark!"

"Oh, it's just the noon whistle," Misty said, rolling over and curling up again.

"But it isn't NOON!"

"Oh." Misty sat back up. "Then it's the tornado siren."

"There _is _no tornado!" Bakura yelled, almost desperate.

"Ohh…so then there's some sort of emergency…" It came slowly together. "Ai! Quick! Get Ryou up, give Marik the weapons, and get out to the tank! Hurry!"

Bakura leaped off the couch, kicked Ryou, tossed the bag of weapons at Marik, and raced for the tank without missing a beat. As soon as he opened the door, however, he stopped short. His eyes widened, then he turned tail and ran back into the living room as the screen door slammed shut behind him. He took a deep breath an said slowly to the three people staring at him, "We've got company."

Before the other three could even open their mouths to demand an explanation, a loud, unfamiliar voice was heard over a megaphone: "We have the house surrounded! Come out with your hands in the air!"

OoO "Oh my God, I forgot about that!" Misty said in a panic. "It said on the news they would release a search party first thing in the morning to look for the missing tank!"

"They found it," Bakura said dryly.

"What's the problem?" Marik asked, pulling a machine gun out of his bag. "I'll just hose 'em down with this, then we get in the tank. It's pretty simple really." Everyone stared silently at him. "Look, I'll show you." He hiked the gun up and marched for the door, but Misty blocked his way.

"No, Marik! You can't kill these people!"

"Why not?"

"Because, they're police and military and…they're good people!" Misty said desperately.

"So?" Marik said coldly. "They're in my way, and killing them will be fun. Now out of my way!" he tried to push past her, but Misty shove him back.

"No! I won't let you!" she said bravely, even though she was scared half to death that he might snap. He almost did.

"Look, if you don't get out of my way _right_ now, I'm going to have to break that little promise of mine and hurt you very badly!"

"Come out with you hands up, NOW! We have you surrounded!" repeated the megaphone voice.

"Wait Marik, that's a great idea!" Bakura said suddenly.

"What?" Misty cried. "Hurting me is a good idea?"

"No, _threatening_ to!" Bakura said, looking very pleased. He pulled a simple pistol out of the bag, then grabbed Misty around the waist and put the gun to her head. "Now, you get Ryou!"

Marik grinned. "I get it!" He grabbed Ryou, wrapped his arm around Ryou's neck and held the machine gun to his side. "Now to the tank!"

"Yup," Bakura said. "Now Misty, grab the weapons bag, but look like you're being forced to carry it. You and Ryou try to look scared, but neither of you try to run, cuz as long as we've got you two, they can't shoot."

"Wait," Misty try to say, "don't you think this is a little extreme--"

"Go!" Bakura said, and the four of them pushed out the door. The sound of guns being cocked in every direction made Misty flinch, but Bakura and Marik kept their cool. "Stay back or we'll shoot!" Bakura shouted, shoving the pistol against Misty's head.

"Yeah, one false move and we kill 'em both!" Marik added forcefully.

"Hold your fire men, they've got hostages!" someone said. No one fired, but all the guns stayed trained on them as they made their way slowly to the tank.

"Back away from the tank!" Bakura ordered as they neared the tank with their "hostages." Misty tripped, and every trigger finger in the surrounding ranks twitched, hoping she would fall and they could get a clear shot. Bakura tightened his grip on her waist, and she regained her footing. They came up to the tank, and Bakura waved Ryou and Marik ahead. Getting into the tank without letting their guard down would prove difficult.

"keep beside me while we climb up," Marik muttered to Ryou. "If you don't, they'll shoot at me and I'll have to kill you. Understand?"

Ryou squeaked, and they began carefully climbing up the tank; Marik stayed lose beside Ryou with his gun aimed at him. Carefully climbing. Marik with only one free hand. Surrounded by policemen. A killer on the loose. Ryou about to have a nervous breakdown. And Marik was having fun. A huge grin was spreading across his face as his heart raced.

Bakura and Misty watched nervously as Marik and Ryou climbed on top of the tank. "Ouch!" Misty hissed quietly. "You're hurting me!"

"Oops," Bakura muttered, loosening his grip on her waist, but keeping his pistol steadily trained on her head.

Marik and Ryou were standing on top. "Open the hatch!" Marik ordered. Ryou leaned over and pulled. And pulled. And -FWAP- It flew open, and Ryou fell over on his tender and cute bum. The entire police ranks twitched again, and Ryou whimpered. Marik growled at him and, keeping his machine gun focused, yelled down to Misty and Bakura, "You two get up here and get in first!"

Bakura nodded an d let go of Misty's waist to allow her to climb. Misty walked right up tot the tank, clutching the heavy bag nervously. She stared up and Marik and Ryou, then turned pitifully to Bakura. "I -- I don't think I can make it holding this," she said, loud enough for most of the careful ears of the surrounding policemen to hear.

Bakura glared at her and shoved the pistol roughly against her head. "Climb, bitch! And if you drop that bag, I'll kill you!" he threatened convincingly. So convincingly, actually, that Misty's eyes began to fill with tears -- and she was suddenly actually a little afraid. "No crying! Now _climb_!" Misty sniffled and tried to stand up tough without actually crying -- Bakura was only pretending, after all. She heard a guy near them say, "Aw, the poor thing's scared out of her wits!" For some reason, this comment brought on a fit of giggles, but she choked them down, slung the heavy bag over her shoulder, and began climbing the tank right beside Bakura. One-handed, both of them, but not too slowly.

Misty reached the top and stopped. She couldn't exactly climb on the very top with the bag still in her hands, an if she slung it up the contents may very well have exploded. Ryou, with only a glance at Marik, reached down and helped her up. She smiled at him, then at an order from Bakura, she climbed carefully down the hatch. Bakura followed closely behind her, pointing his gun down at her. And starting to sweat. From nerves. Because he just realized a slight flaw in his little plan. How would Marik and Ryou get down? If Ryou went first, Marik would be shot because he would temporarily be left alone. And Marik going down first was just out of the question. But his thoughts were interrupted by Marik.

"Tuck in your elbows!" he warned Ryou. He grabbed a hold of the Englishman and simply hopped down the hatch -- with his elbows tucked in. Once down, he sent Ryou back up to close the hatch -- "they won't shoot at him." once they were all safely inside, Bakura and Marik lowered their weapons and the four just stared around at each other.

"We did it," Misty giggled. "There were like, fifty military and law enforcement officers out there to claim their missing tank, and we just walked right into it and they couldn't do anything!" She put the bag down and burst into giggles.

Bakura stared at her. "Uh, sorry I called you a bitch," he said, rubbing the back of his neck a little apologetically. "I just thought it was more convincing that way--"

"It's - heehee - okay," Misty said between giggles, putting her hand on his shoulder. "It did - heehee - convince 'em. Did you - hee - hear that one guy pity me when I - heh hee hee - almost cried! Hahahahaa!" She fell over in full-blown nonstop laughter. The three men stared at her for a moment, then shrugged.

"Okay, I'll drive this thing, since I already know how," Bakura said. He pulled the keys out of his pocket and started the ignition. Ryou and Marik stared, confused.

"I didn't know tanks worked like that -- with keys and all…" Marik said, scratching his head.

"Neither did I," Bakura said. "But it works for me!"

Ryou and Marik shrugged.

"Okay now," Bakura said, "Marik. If you want something to do, go through the bag of weapons and take out what you like. Ryou… uh, keep and eye on Misty until she snaps out of it."

Marik smiled and sat on the floor of the tank with the bag in his lap. He looked like an innocent child, contentedly playing with his toys. Except his toys were guns…and grenades…and…ah, well, his _face_ looked innocent. Ryou, however, looked less happy. He stood next to Misty, looking ready to bolt (even though there wasn't enough room to run anywhere). He just stared at her uncertainly, watching her roll around laughing hysterically. Bakura started the tank and drove happily and slowly away. The police and military, however, were not that easily disposed of. They were busy calling for backup, and the Channel 13 Lucky helicopter was hovering above the tank, broadcasting everything live.

On his private island off the coast of California, Maximillian Pegasus was watching it all and laughing his ass off. "Ah, Marik-boy, Ryou-boy, Misty-boy, Bakura-boy…you _are_ so entertaining! It's _obvious _that was all an act. Bakura, with his slowly growing crush on Misty, would never hurt her; Misty is having so much fun drawing these men along when they don' realize she's already taken; Ryou, wimp that he is, wouldn't let Misty go without a fight; and Ma -- wait a second." Pegasus, with his long distance Millennium Eye, was having trouble. He put his hand to his head. "Hmm, this _is_ odd…there's nothing going on in Marik's mind! Wait, here's something…" There was a moment of static, then a song could just be heard: 'Yo Danny Fenton, he was just fourteen, when his parents built a very strange machine; designed to view a world unseen. _Gonna catch 'em all cuz he's Danny Phantom_…' "What the…" Pegasus sat, confused, and listened to the Danny Phantom theme song play faintly on.

Misty finally sat up to gasp for breath. "Whoo! I'm okay. Hee hee." She got to her feet, supporting herself on the walls. "Wow. So it actually worked. But…wait a second." She plopped back down. "The warning siren. It can't have possible been because of the police; Malik's here somewhere. We gotta figure out where!"

"Yes," Ryou agreed, "before he starts killing innocent people!"

"Uh, that's not what I mean," Misty said hesitantly. "The people here aren't exactly what you'd call innocent. Do you know how many meth labs have been busted here? And just a few years back there was a murder cuz the dude wanted a divorce and the chick wanted his money. And the school system here is the reasons the state of Oklahoma had to change the definition of statutory rape to the child being under eighteen and the adult being a teacher…"

Ryou stared at her, Marik smiled affectionately at the little story, and Bakura laughed. "Sounds like you can get away with quite a bit here!" he chuckled.

"Yeah, just not stealing a tank," Misty quipped.

"Aw, shaddup," Bakura grumbled. "I _almost_ got away with it."

"Ah, but almost counts only in horseshoes and hand grenades," Misty said wisely.

Marik looked up. "Did somebody say hand grenades? I've got some right here!" He held them up proudly. "I wanna kill something, puh-leeze!"

Misty glared at him reprovingly, but before she could say anything, they heard shots being fired.

"What the hell?" Bakura exclaimed. "Are they shooting at us?"

"No, listen," Misty said. "They're shooting away from us…and I hear another helicopter!"

"Finally, some action!" Marik rejoiced. He picked up his machine gun, tucked a few hand grenades under his belt, and climbed up to open the hatch. What he saw was utter chaos. Police cars were scattering everywhere -- it seemed the tank was momentarily forgotten. Above the crowd next to the Lucky 13 helicopter and being shot at was a white helicopter with the letters KC on the side. From the copter, laughter of the most maniacal sort was being emitted, and shotgun fire was raining down upon the ranks below. Marik's sadistic grin spread. "Found my yami!" he called down tot the trio waiting anxiously below in the tank. He crawled on top of the tank as it pulled to a halt, and he glanced up at the Kaiba Corporation helicopter . "Hey yami!" he screamed.

The shotgun fire from the helicopter never stopped, but above the noise could be heard, in a half growl and half laugh, the word, "Maaaariik!"

"Yeah," laughed Marik, pulling a grenade out of his belt. "And I've got a present for you! Catch!" He pulled the pin out with his teeth and hurled the grenade straight at the KC helicopter. His aim was perfect. The grenade exploded on contact, and the heat and shockwave from the massive explosion pushed Marik backwards, nearly knocking him off the tank. He knelt down, holding onto the tank and smiling at the fiery mass. But before he could celebrate, and before the burning copter even began to fall, he saw a lean figure, with a gun in one hand and a box tucked under the other, leap out of the fire into the Channel 13 helicopter. Hundreds of thousands of people across the nation saw a quick close-up of the maniac on their TV screen before the camera (and the cameraman) were sent hurtling out of the helicopter.

"Damn!" Marik cursed under his breath. Then he smiled a little. "Oh well, I didn't think it would be that easy, now did I?" He pulled out another grenade. "Maybe the second shot will be better." He took careful aim.

In the Channel 13 News helicopter, however, Malik was not about to lose twice in a row. "Take us up!" he roared at the pilot. The petrified man obeyed, and the copter soared upward. Malik set his Toybox down and leaned out the door, his wild hair whipping madly about. "I know you can't hit me up here! You always did have a weak arm!" He threw back his head and laughed. He did not yet realize that Marik was powered by the same insane fuel as he was.

Marik could barely hear Malik's taunting words over the din of the helicopter, but he heard enough to know he wasn't being complimented. "I'll show you who's weak, little Malik! Eat _this_!" With the last word, he hurled the grenade with all his might, and he smiled with the utmost delight as it sped with flawless accuracy straight at the doorway Malik was hanging out of. His smile disintegrated, however, the moment Malik's hand shot out and snatched the grenade out of mid-air.

"Nice throw, little Marik!" Malik called. "But next time try to remember to remove the pin!"

"Oh shit." Marik gaped for a second as he watched Malik remove the pin, and the helicopter began to position itself directly above the tank. He leaped into the tank, pulling the hatch closed behind him. "Move!" he screamed. No one questioned; Bakura started the tank back up and moved it as fast as it would go -- which, unfortunately, wasn't very fast.

Malik's helicopter hovered above the tank. He stared down at the tank's pathetic attempts to get away. Then chuckled quietly as he dropped the grenade. "I win," he whispered. But Marik wasn't going down that easily either. The moment Malik let go of the grenade, the tank hatch opened again, and the platinum blonde, with Bakura's pistol, took aim and shot the grenade halfway down. The grenade exploded, knocking the helicopter back and raining fire down on the tank. Marik ducked back down and closed the hatch before he caught fire, and Malik was knocked backward onto the floor of the helicopter. They both smiled and whispered simultaneously, "So the game begins."


	14. An Unexpected and Temporary Armistice

**Living With Maniacs**

Chapter 14- An Unexpected and Temporary Armistice

Froggy, introducing yet another chapter. "Yes, it's been about two weeks since it was updated, but give us a break. You can't rush art." -cough cough- "Okay, maybe you can. Thanks for all the reviews, if you report to the bio you'll notice they're being answered once again. Keep it up! The next few chapters might take a little while to be written, cuz it's all being made up as the story progresses. Please have patience and don't' lose interest!"

Malik crawled to his feet, laughing evilly. He did that quite a bit. He'd spent a long time trying to find his hikari and friends so he could fill their pathetic meaningless lives with misery. But it looked like his weaker half was going to fight back. He laughed louder. This was going to be so much fun. "Take us down!" he ordered the pilot.

Down in the tank Marik was breathing fast and laughing hard. "Oh my Ra, did you see that?" he gasped. "Haha! That was awesome!" he tried to take deep breaths, while Misty and Ryou stared at him and Bakura drove the tank mourning over the missed fun.

"Man, that's it! I wanna shoot _something_!" he moaned. "I haven't shot anything in a long looonng time…Misty!"

"Yeah?" Misty said, not taking her eyes off Marik.

"Do you think you could drive? Then maybe I could go help Marik…with two people, we might be able to take Malik down!"

Misty's eyes lit up. "Me? Drive the…tank? Well…if you insist!" She bumped Bakura out from in front of the controls. "Ooh…isn't this the control for the gun thingy?" She started pushing buttons and pulling levers. "Somebody go see if the gun is moving!"

Ryou stared at Bakura. "What have you done?" he whispered.

Bakura just shrugged and said, "Hey Marik, peek out and see if the gun is moving, 'kay?"

"Okie dokie!" Marik sang. The previous violence had obviously put him in a good mood. He skipped up the ladder -- yes, skipped -- and peeked out the hatch. "Ooh, ooh! It's moving, yup yup yup, it is!"

"Cool!" Misty squeaked.

Ryou flinched. "You're actually going to let her operate this death machine?"

Bakura watched Misty hop with glee and examine the controls, then he shrugged. "Yup. It's not like she's really going to be _driving_, we're parked for now." He turned to Marik. "So we going out there or what?"

Marik was still peeking. "Um, the copter's landing! Ooh, a closer combat! Maybe not hand-to-hand combat…but weapon-to-weapon sounds good!" He grinned and waved down to Bakura. "Hand the weapons up. Malik is _so_ going down."

Misty glanced away from the controls. "Hey, you and Malik aren't planning to kill each other, are you?"

Marik stared at her with his patented you-poor-stupid-inferior-thing-you look. "Um, let me think…Duh! What have I been wanting to do?" He rolled his eyes, took the bag from Bakura and crawled out of the tank. Bakura followed him closely.

Misty stared after them disbelievingly, then shrugged and spun back to the controls with her hands clasped euphorically. "Look at this stuff Ryou!" she rejoiced. "I wanna run over something…"

Marik and Bakura crouched on top of the tank, watching the copter's careful descent. "All right, here's the plan," Marik said, pulling out his chainsaw. "I'll attempt to engage him in direct combat while you sneak around and get him from behind! A very simple and usually highly effective plan. Agreed?"

Bakura nodded.

"Good. Now hurry. Choose your weapon and try to get behind him while he's not watching!" Marik urged. Bakura nodded again and took his second favorite weapon out of the bag, then dropped off the opposite side of the tank. Marik stood up, slung the bag over his shoulder, and leaped off the tank. At the same time, Malik leaped out of the helicopter (a threat to hunt him down kept the pilot from flying for his life) with his Toybox tucked under his arm.

"Well, well, does little Marik have something to say?" Malik taunted. "I hope it's not a peace offering; I won't accept, and I wouldn't like for our little game to end so quickly!"

Marik smirked. "Oh, it's far from a peace offering, believe me." He and Malik stopped ten feet apart, and Marik dropped his weapons bag. "I say we play a little game. Man to man, chainsaw to chainsaw. Right now."

Malik set his large wooden chest down and started twirling his shotgun. "I don't know what you're playing at, little Marik, but I don't think I like it."

"What's the matter, yami?" Marik said in a singsong voice. "Too scared?"

Malik threw down his shotgun, pulled his chainsaw out of the Toybox, and revved it up. "Scared?" They began circling one another. "You don't know the _meaning_ of fear!" He narrowed his eyes, circling slowly. "Luckily, I'm here to teach it to you!"

Marik only smiled. Malik was circling beautifully and nearly had his back to Bakura. This would be finished quickly. "Well, I'm always wiling to earn, dear Malik. As a matter of fact, I learned the first rule of fair play from you."

Malik raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? And what, oh pathetic one, might this rule be?"

Marik sopped circling and stood up straight. Bakura was slowly advancing behind Malik. "It's quite simple, really."

Malik stopped circling as well and frowned. "Well, what is it?"

Marik smiled. "There is no such thing as fair play."

Malik's eyes widened, and leaped to the side instinctively as a bout of flames shot forth from Bakura's flamethrower. He didn't dodge quickly enough, however, and his sleeve caught fire. The flame spread quickly across his shoulders. Malik reached back, pulled off his shirt, and tossed it aside. "So that's how it's gonna be," he growled. "Fine. Fair play was never my forte." He tossed the chainsaw aside and dove for Marik's bag of weapons.

"Oh no you don't!" Bakura cried, charging at Malik with the flamethrower.

Malik rolled and stood holding a petrol bomb in one hand and a magnum in the other. BLAM! Bakura dropped the flamethrower and clutched his right hand. "Ouch! You shot me!"

Malik rolled his eyes. "Duh. And I'll do it again!" Before he could take aim, however, a resounding boom knocked them all off their feet. From inside the tank shouts could be heard.

"Awesome! Did you see that Ryou, did you? I fired the guns, that is so cool!"

Malik stared at the tank with his eyebrows raised, then rolled his eyes and turned back. He lifted his magnum to shoot, but Bakura was gone. Malik growled, then turned to deal with Marik. Marik had already begun moving, however, running straight at Malik. Before Malik could shoot, Marik dove beside him and snatched the petrol bomb out of his hands. Malik spun around, pointing the gun at Marik, but Marik held the bomb up in front of him. "Shoot and we both die."

Malik held the gun with both hands, scowling. His left eye began twitching.

Behind the tank Bakura was slowly climbing for the hatch, cradling his bleeding hand close to him. He reached the top and saw Marik and Malik standing face-to-face, unmoving. Bakura opened the hatch and dropped down.

"Take _that_!" Misty cried, jumping at him and kicking him right in the -- "Oh no, I'm sorry! I thought you were Malik sneaking up on us!" Misty apologized.

Bakura answered by putting his left hand over his crotch and falling to his knees.

"I'm so sorry! Are you okay? Your hand is hurt! What happened?"

Bakura doubled over and squeaked.

"You got shot? Aw, poor thing. Looks like the bullet went straight through. Must've been a close-up shot. Good thing I found this first aid kit in the little compartment underneath the controls." She opened the kit and pulled out some antiseptic and bandages. "Well, I'll fix you right up. Sorry again 'bout that kick. Didn't mean it for you." Bakura flinched as she applied the antiseptic. "So. How's the battle out there? Going well?"

Bakura watched as Misty wrapped the bandage around his hand, then glared at her. "I got shot. What do _you_ think?"

Misty picked up the kit. "So it is going well."

Bakura growled. "Yeah. Sure. Anyways, thanks for fixing my hand. I'm going back out there now." He got to his feet, but Misty pulled him back down.

"Oh now you don't. I'm the doctor, and I say you've lost blood and shouldn't be fighting."

"But…but…" Bakura stuck out his bottom lip "I wanna kill -- er, I mean…Marik needs help! He can't win without me!"

Misty put her fist on her hips. "Hmm. I suppose you're right."

"Yay!" Bakura leaped up.

"-- so I'll send Ryou out to help."

"What!" Ryou and Bakura shrieked in unison.

"Yup." Misty nodded. "Here Ryou, take these." She handed him a pair of uzis. Ryou held them cluelessly while she pushed him to the ladder. "Up you go Ryou, and good luck!" She shut the hatch behind him and hopped back down. "There. Problem solved!"

Bakura glared up at her, pouting. "That's not what I meant when I said Marik needed help. Ryou will probably be more of a hindrance than anything."

"I'm sure he'll be fine," Misty said cheerily. Bakura only glared and pouted.

On top of the tank, Ryou stood, still holding the uzis cluelessly. He stared at one, then at the other, then stared at Marik and Malik. They were still at a stalemate, Marik holding the petrol bomb in front of him, and Malik pointing the magnum at Marik wit his left eye twitching madly. Ryou dangled the uzis at his side disgustedly. "Oh, come on. That is so lame! Malik could easily shoot Marik in the foot or something and just take the bomb from him, then kill him. I guess their inherent blondeness still shines through." He sighed. "I could always _help_ Malik…then once Marik was cut out of the way, since I doubt Bakura's interested, I would have a chance with Mistaya…getting closer to her would be simple if I helped comfort her, and once she got over Marik being gone, she would realize that I had always been the perfect man for her! Yeah, that sounds good!" He started to raise the guns, but he stopped. "Wait. I'm supposed to be the good guy here…_yeah Ryou, but all is fair in love and war, and this is both!_…I know that, but isn't _**killing** _a bit drastic to get the girl in a romance and whatnot?…_No way! No man. Come on, you really like Mistaya, don't you?_ …Wellll, yeaahhh… and _you want Marik out of the way since she seems to like him so much, riiight?_ …Yesss… _So just kill 'im_! …No!"

Standing a short distance away from the tank, Marik and Malik were starting to watch Ryou out of the corners of their eyes. "What the hell is he doing?" Malik whispered while keeping the magnum trained on Marik.

"Looks like the nut's talking to himself!" Marik said, holding the bomb steady. "I've always thought there was something wrong with him." A slight look of regret entered his eyes. "Y'know, he _really_ doesn't like me for some reason."

"Really?" said Malik with a hint of pity. "Why not?"

"I dunno…well, actually I think I do. I think it's because of Misty."

"You mean the cute blonde with the big --"

"Yes, yes, her," Marik cut him off. Very slowly, as the conversation carried on, their weapons were lowering. "See, he has this huge, _obvious_ crush on her …aaaandd…well, maybe he thinks I like her…"

"But you don't?" Malik asked.

"No!" Marik said. He sighed. "Not like that at least. But I don't know how he would get the idea I like her; I haven't flirted or anything!"

"Hmm…" Malik scratched his chin. Their weapons were now dangling at their sides. "Well my guess would be that he's just plain jealous. You're sexier, you have better hair, and you're a hit with the ladies. I mean, seriously. You share my look, so we're both just plain hot."

Marik nodded agreeably.

"And Ryou…well, let's face it. He's got less color than an invisible roach, he's got horrible hair, and his voice is just so British…and…and…sometimes so…"

"Gay?" Marik offered.

"Exactly!"

"But…but…" Marik sniffled a little. "I don't want him to hate me!"

"It's okay man!" Malik said, putting his arm comfortingly around his hikari. "If he hates you because you're beautiful, that's his problem! Don't you feel bad about it!"

Marik gave him a watery smile. "Thanks man." he sniffled. "I really needed that." He hugged Malik tightly. And Ryou saw.

"Wait, what're you doing? No hugging! You're supposed to be killing each other!"

"They're hugging?" Misty poked her head out of the tank. "Ooh, and Malik's got his shirt off!" CLICK. She snapped a picture, then ducked back into the tank.

"She hasn't taken a picture of me yet," Ryou mumbled. Another reason for him to hate Marik.

Marik broke off the hug. "Ugh, no offense Malik, but you don't smell too good. You're all sweaty."

"Yeah…" Malik shrugged. "I think I'll go take a shower…"

"Hmm…but what about our fight? I was kinda having fun."

"Me too." Malik smiled. "Look. I'm going to go try to hind some of Yugi's lame friends, fill _their_ lives with misery and woe, take a shower, then tomorrow we can start trying to kill each other again. Sound good?"

"Yeah, sounds good. I ought to bathe as well. Shake on it?"

Malik grinned, and they shook hands firmly. "See you tomorrow then?"

"Yup. Fair game at first light. Come hunting for one another?" Marik asked.

Malik nodded. "Sounds great. See ya then!" He strode off, picked up his chainsaw and Toybox, then signaled for the Channel 13 helicopter to pick him up.

Marik twirled the petrol bomb, waved his yami goodbye, picked up the flamethrower Bakura had dropped, then proceeded back to the tank with a happy smile.

Ryou just stared. "What the hell was that?" he exploded when Marik climbed onto the tank.

Marik shrugged. "He needed to shower. We're going to pick up where we left off tomorrow though." With that, he opened the hatch and dropped down into the tank, leaving Ryou standing on the tank all alone. He sighed.

"You're right. I should've helped get him killed…_Told you so_…Ah, don't rub it in!"


	15. Diversions

**Living With Maniacs**

Chapter 15- Diversions

Yes, well, we all know who's introducing the chappie. "I Froggy, am taking a vacation. From hence forward I shall refrain from introducing chapters. You will have introductionless chapters. So all I have to say is enjoy the rest and please SEE BIO."

It was now early afternoon, and in the heat of the May Oklahoman sun, the inside of the tank was quickly becoming an oven. Misty was sitting in front of the controls, sweating and fanning herself with one of her sandals. "I knew I shouldn't have worn jeans today," she panted. "But I haven't shaved my legs. Then again, I do need a tan very badly…"

"Aw, stop complaining," Bakura muttered. He was sitting back to back with Marik at the foot of the ladder. "It got loads worse than this in Egypt. The only really bad thing is that my hand is sweating under this bandage and it _burns_!"

Marik sighed. "I need to wash my hair."

Ryou, pathetic thing, was taking the heat the hardest. He lay sprawled on the floor with his tongue hanging out. "God, I'm sweating like a pig! Why are we just sitting in here?"

"Actually, pigs don't sweat," Misty corrected him. "They have no sweat glands, which is why they have to roll in mud to keep themselves cool."

Ryou glared at her.

"I learned that from my best friend. Her mom used to work on a hog farm."

"Yeeeahh, ookaaay…so why are we sitting in here _roasting_ like pigs?" Ryou asked.

"I dunno, hiding from the cops and military? Wait; are they even out there? Where did they all go?" Misty asked, suddenly noticing the absence of any outside voices and gunfire.

"Well," Marik spoke up, "most of them were killed by my yami shooting them and the helicopter explosion…and the rest of them bailed."

"Oh." Misty frowned. "Then what _are_ we doing in here?" She got up and put her sandal back on. "I'm driving us back to my house for something to eat, drink, and a cold shower!"

"I call the shower first!" Marik said, leaping up and suddenly depriving Bakura of a backrest. -WHAM- Bakura fell backwards and smacked his head.

"I call first dibs on the Advil," he moaned.

"But _I_ need the shower first," Ryou whimpered. "You guys are used to the heat. I'm dying!"

"Tough luck. You do look pretty awful though," Marik sympathized. "Bet you could make use of a water hose or something."

Ryou rolled over and whined. "Just take us back Mistaya. I'll find _something_."

"Fine. I'll take us back. All two and a half blocks." And she did. Surprisingly well, actually. The only thing she ran over was a Chihuahua, which was no big loss because, as Misty put it, "I never liked that thing anyways. It always tried to bite my heels when I walked home from school."

As soon as they stopped in front of Misty's house, Ryou leaped to his feet and shot up the ladder. "Air!" he gasped, bursting melodramatically out of the hatch. "Sweet air!" He hopped off the tank and began running with his hands in the air. "Oh, and wind too!"

Marik climbed up the ladder next, rolling his eyes. "What a big baby." He turned to help poor, wounded Bakura up the ladder, with Misty close behind (enjoying the view, more likely than not). They stood there for a moment, as if enjoying the peace and quiet (interrupted occasionally by Ryou's cries of "Air! Wiiind!").

"Say Marik?' Misty spoke up. "How exactly did you get Malik to agree to stop fighting for the rest of the day?'

"Oh, it was nothing," Marik said with a shrug. "I just told him he was smelly and sweaty, so he decided to take a break- and a shower."

Misty grinned. "Aren't you a genius, playing on his little weaknesses like that!"

Marik scratched his head. "But don't genius live in a lamp?"

Mist and Bakura stared at him. His intelligence had obviously stayed the same.

"And besides," he continued, "I didn't do it on purpose or anything. I was just telling him the honest truth!" He shrugged. "And now, if you don't mind, _I'm _going to take a shower!" He vaulted off the side of the tank and skipped -yes, he's skipping again- into the house.

Misty shook her head. "And people call _me _blonde!" She crawled carefully off the tank, followed by Bakura. "Would you like that Advil now?" Bakura nodded pathetically and followed her to the medicine cabinet.

Several blocks away, along Main Street, Malik had not quite gotten to his shower. Instead, he had just spotted Yugi, Yami, and Tea. Why were they in Apache? What did he care! Misery and woe, here comes Malik! He set his Toybox carefully behind a dumpster, pulled out his beloved chainsaw, and snuck up on the group.

The three mentioned weren't, in actuality, a "group." No, Yugi and Yami were walking by -Yami was trying to cover little Yugi's eyes- and Tea was standing on the street corner. Dressed in a short leather skirt, a low-neck, tight black shirt, and thigh high black boots. Making lewd suggestions to Yugi.

Malik, disgusted by the thought of Tea as a hooker, tried to sneak carefully up behind her. He would have successfully done so, but five feet away from her, he tripped over a rat. He dropped the chainsaw and threw his hands down to break his fall, but the clatter of the chainsaw hitting the sidewalk alerted the other three to his presence.

"Hey Malik!" Tea cried, looking at him as though he were a dream come true. "Feeling lonely? I could keep you company all night long." She winked at him. "I work cheap."

"I bet you do," he growled, crawling to his feet and picking up his chainsaw. "I would have never guessed such a small town would have prostitutes."

"Oh, it doesn't," Tea replied with a wave of her hand. "Which is why I figured I'd get some good business!"

Yami had stopped trying to cover Yugi's eyes and was now staring as transfixed as Yugi was. "Tea!" he admonished in his deep and rather sexy voice. "How could you drop so low? That's horrible, even for you! And Malik, what are you doing here…without a shirt?"

Malik looked down. "Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Well, I'm here to fill your lives with misery and woe!"

Yami took a step back. "Look man, I'm on vacation. So do me a favor, and just leave me and the Young One alone, all right? Do whatever you want with Tea, and Joey and Tristan are down in the park."

"Hey, that's not very nice Yami!" Yugi said, turning his huge and unbelievable adorable eyes on his darker half. "And would you quite calling me 'Young One'? It's so annoying!"

Yami put his hand on Yugi's shoulder. "Calm yourself, Young One. It may not be nice, but I don't want my vacation ruined! I don't care if the damned world needs rescuing; let somebody else do it for a change!"

Yugi was about to protest, but he glanced at Tea and stopped. She was hitting on Malik.

"You know Malik," she purred, sauntering up to him and running her hand across his bare chest, "you're awfully sexy without a shirt…I bet you'd look eve _better_ without your pants. As a matter of fact, let's both get naked and-"

"Augh! Back off!" Malik revved up his chainsaw and swung it right through Tea's neck without a second thought.

"Oh my God!" Yugi squealed in a panic. "Yami, he just killed Tea!" Yami snickered.

Tea's head rolled to Malik's feet as her body fell motionless to the ground, pooling blood. Malik stared down at the head in a satisfied sort of way, and the head stared back. And it blinked. "You didn't even let me finish my proposal! I _said_ let's both get naked and-"

"Holy Mother of Ra!" Malik cried, jumping backwards.

"Get back here!" screamed Tea's severed head, rolling after him.

"Get away!" Malik yelled, and he kicked the head like a soccer ball- right at Yugi. Yugi caught it and stared, horrified, as Tea smirked up at him.

"How about you Yugi? Wanna get naked and-"

"Eeeeek!" Yugi shrieked, tossing the head.

"Why won't anybody let me finish what I'm trying to say!" wailed Tea's head as it soared through the air.

Before anyone could kick her head again, however, a police officer rushed -or actually waddled- out of the corner building. Yes, this had all just happened in front of the Apache Police Station. "What's going on here?" bellowed the officer. "I -oh my God, there's a dead body out here! You killed someone!"

"Hey, watch who you're calling dead, tubby!" Tea's head hissed.

Before the officer could register who had spoken, Yami strode over to him, gracefully kicking he head backwards as he did so. It rolled to Yugi, who quickly kicked it out into the middle of the street. "I'm sorry officer," Yami said. "Nothing has happened at all." He reached forward and shook the man's hand, and when the officer withdrew, he had a twenty-dollar bill clutched in his fat fist.

"But-" he tried to protest.

"No, no," officer," Yami shushed him, slipping a Krispy Kreme donut into the man's other hand. "_Nothing's_ happened."

"Welll…" the man said, caught in the middle now.

"Really sir, _nothing_ at all." Yami winked and pulled out his final token: a huge steaming mug of coffee.

The officer's beady eyes widened, and he reached for the cup, but Yami withdrew. The officer shrugged. "Nothin' happened out here man. Nuthin at all!" Yami nodded agreeably and handed over the mug. The man stuffed the twenty in his pocket and the donut in his mouth, then waddled happily away.

Malik nodded approvingly. "Bribing an official…Pharaoh, I am almost impressed!"

"Thank you," Yami said, bowing modestly. He turned back to Yugi. "Come along now. We've got a vacation to enjoy!"

"Um, okay…" Yugi said doubtfully. As they walked slowly away, Yugi turned his tear-jerkingly innocent eyes on his taller half and asked, "Yami? What a…a prostitute?"

Yami stopped short, then cleared his throat and continued walking. "Uh, well, Young One-"

"Would you stop calling me that?"

Malik shrugged. "Ah well. Enjoy your vacation, Pharaoh. Now, how 'bout those twerps down at the park?"

Back in a more sane environment, Misty and Bakura were sitting in the living room with the air conditioner on full blast. Doing absolutely nothing. Marik was finishing up his shower, and Ryou - "Whee! Aaiiirr!"- well, he was still doing laps outside.

Misty cocked her head. "Y'know, running nonstop out in the heat isn't any better than roasting in a tank. He's going to have a heat stroke!" (Bakura just grunted.) "I mean, look at him!"

Ryo stopped in front of the window, threw off his shirt, kicked off his pants, then ran into the backyard shrieking "I'm free! I'm freeeee!"

"Yeah, the heat's definitely got him delirious. But I'm sure he'll come inside soon enough, don't you?"

Bakura rolled over and looked sleepily at her. "Would you get me a blanket? I'm cold."

"Oh, I can turn the air conditioner off if you'd like," Misty said, getting up out of her recliner.

"No," Bakura whined. "I want a blankie!"

"Fine," Misty sighed, rolling her eyes. "I'll get you a blanket." She trudged out of the room and into Bakura and Ryou's bedroom, pulled the top blanket off their bed, then headed slowly back to the living room. She paused in the dining room, staring out the window to where Ryou danced, twirling under the neighbor's pine tree like a ballerina. In his British flag boxers. He stopped suddenly, threw hurried looks to his left and right, the dashed into the backyard. Misty heard the squeaking of something rusty, then Ryou came running back to the pine tree holding a water hose going at full blast. He stuck his thumb over the nozzle, making the water spray madly about. He then held the hose above his head and danced about.

"Whee! Wheeehoo! I'm siiingin in the rain, just siiiiingin in the rain!"

Misty stared, open-mouthed, then started snickering. "The heat does strange things to people," she giggled. CLICK Another picture. She was going to have quite a collection.

"Ryou kept singing. "It's raaaaining, it's pouuuuring, the ooolld man is snoooring, he bumped his head, went to bed, and couldn't get up in the mooorning. Cuz 'e was dead!" he burst into a fit of giggles and tried to take a drink out of the hose. The water went up his nose and made him cough.

Misty shook her head and walked back into the living room to give Bakura his blanket. "Here you go, 'Kura."

Bakura snatched the blanket and wrapped himself like a cocoon. "Took you long enough," he grunted.

"I'm going to sleep," Misty yawned.

"It's only two in the afternoon," Bakura muttered.


	16. Meaningless Illusions

**Living With Maniacs**

Chapter 16- Meaningless Illusions

Additional disclaimer: Not only do I not own Yugioh, but I don't own Xiao Lin Showdown, any Terry Brooks publications, or Tomb Raider: Angel of Darkness. All I own is a very odd dream.

Misty woke up with a start and looked around. She shivered. "Aw, I left the air conditioner on!" she muttered. She stumbled out of the armchair she'd been curled up in and turned it off. She stretched, yawned, then checked her watch. 4:11 am. Ugh. Everything was silent. Even the crickets were sleeping. Misty shivered again. "Well, I guess I'll go shower while it's still quiet." She trudged off to the bathroom, yawning all the way. Passing Ryou's room, she heard him whimper. Marik was just plain snoring. Bakura, she remembered, was still curled up on the couch.

"I wonder where Malik is," she asked herself after turning on the shower. "Marik said the hunting wouldn't resume till first light, and Malik wanted to take a shower…. Where on earth will he go to shower?" She started scrubbing shampoo into her hair and shrugged. "Oh well, I won't have to worry 'bout him till the sun comes up!" She dropped the subject completely and continued with her shower.

Fifteen minute later, Misty stepped out of the shower wrapped in a towel. She glanced out the window to make sure it was still dark. She froze; something was out there, moving slowly towards the back door. Her breath caught in her throat as she backed away from the window. _Calm down_ she told herself. _I'm sure someone locked the door before it got dark._ The back door squeaked open. _Dammit! If I die, I'll kill those guys!_ She bit her lip in a panic. Soft careful footsteps made their way to the bathroom door. The handle began sloooowly tuuuurning. She backed up against the wall, her heart beating fast. The door opened, and she opened her mouth to scream, but Malik leaped forward and put his hand over her mouth.

"Quiet!" he hissed. "You don't want to wake everybody up!"

Misty stared at him, and he moved his hand. "What do you care if they wake up?" she asked.

Malik made a small noise of impatience. "Well, we're not fighting right now, I want Marik well rested so he'll put up a decent fight, and also I was hoping I could use your shower." He glanced down at Misty, wrapped in the towel with water run down her neck from her hair, and he smirked. "Since you just finished using it, you shouldn't mind."

Misty glared at him, pulling the towel up a little higher. "Why should I let you use my shower if you're going to be trying to kill me after sunrise?"

"Well, if you let me use your shower, I promise I won't kill _you_," Malik said. He looked her up and down again and winked. "I'll treat you reeeal good."

Misty shuddered. "Ew, no! No thanks! You know what, just promise you'll shower quick and leave as soon as you're done, okay?"

Malik shrugged. "Fine." he turned around and started stripping.

"Wait till I leave!" Misty said exasperatedly, dashing out the door. Once outside the bathroom, she stopped. "Crap," she muttered to herself. "I left my clothes in there." She sighed. "Oh well." Off to her room she crept, being careful not to wake anyone- she didn't want to be caught in a towel by anyone else. Ryou, for sure, would have a field day.

Once dressed- in blue jean shorts and a gray SpongeBob t-shirt if you wanted to know- Misty went back into the living room. Bakura was still asnooze on the couch, sucking his thumb. There was nothing for Misty to do but wait. And wait. Just wait. Good God, but she was bored. Utterly and completely. Totally. Full-fledgedly. Sheesh. Her eyelids drooped. She had just dozed off, however, when Ryou stormed into the room, disturbing her incomplete sleep.

"Misty, I have something to tell you!" he said with the air of one awarding a six -foot tall solid gold trophy.

Misty sat up straight and eyed him suspiciously. "What is it?"

"I love you."

Misty goggled. "You…wait, what? I mean, you can't…don't be ridiculous…I…I…uh…huh?"

Bakura leaped out of the blankets on the couch, landing next to Misty with his hands on his hips. "He's insane, don't mind him. He once proclaimed is love for a hamster!"

Ryou glared and Bakura. "Mr. Winky was a very _special_ hamster!"

Marik trudged into the room, rubbing his eyes sleepily. "What's all the yelling about? I have to get up ridiculously early to kill people. And you guys are disturbing my beauty sleep!"

Ryou turned on Marik with sparks shooting out of his eyes. No, seriously, there were sparks shooting from his eyes, and he was singeing the carpet. "Marik Ishtar, get out of here! You're too late! I've already proclaimed my love for Misty, and she has proclaimed hers! You'll never have her now! Muahahahahaha!"

"Wait, I never said anything! You guys are all insane!"

"Insane, am I?" Ryou seethed, foaming at the mouth. "We'll see who's insane after I KILL MARIK!" He stopped. "But I must kill him with something special…AHA!" He pulled out something shiny, put it on his hand, and screamed "GOLDEN TIGER CLAWS!" He sliced the air open with the claws, forming a swirling portal. "I'll be right back, my love," he said, winking at Misty. Then he leaped into the portal and was gone. The air sealed up behind him.

Everyone stared. "What is going on here?" Misty cried, utterly confused. "How on earth did Ryou get that? Where did he go? And did he just say he was going to kill Marik?" Bakura shrugged and Marik scoffed, but before either on of them could actually say anything, the air opened up and unceremoniously dumped Ryou out.

"Haha!" he laughed. He leaped to this feet, brandishing a beautiful shining sword.

"Awesome!" Bakura praised. "Where did you get that thing?"

Ryou looked at it and shrugged. "Well, I don't exactly know where it was but it was dark…like..oh, it was a dungeon. I took it form this little pitiful elf-looking guy…there was also some dude with a hook for a hand, and some big troll…a little yellow guy on the floor…and a big dark thing threatening the elf guy! Anyways, it's a pretty sword, and I'm gonna kill Marik with it!"

"Wait Ryou, don't you know what that sword is?" Misty said in a panic.

Too late. Ryou raised the sword high above his head, and the sword began to glow. Ryou froze. In his mind, pictures were flashing before his eyes and a voice began speaking. _You're a horrible person, and you know it. You know Bakura's a better person than you. You're jealous. You're selfish. You killed Mr. Winky by tying him to the fan and turning it on high. You have no reason to be mean to Mark. You don't really love Misty, you just want to have s-_

"AAAAAAUUGH!" Ryou screamed, throwing the sword to the ground.

Bakura and Marik jumped back, staring at Ryou like he was a madman. Misty, however, stood glaring at him with her hands on her hips. "You idiot! Ryou, you are such and IDIOT!"

Ryou looked at her, wide-eyed. "That sword…it…it knows!"

"Duh! Misty said, rolling her eyes. "Now Golden Tiger Claw yourself right back and give Shea his sword before the story comes undone!"

Rou blinked. "The…..story?"

Misty threw up her hands in disgust. "That is the Sword of Shannara! Like in the book? And if you don't bring it back Shea will die and the whole Shannara series will be screwed!"

"Oh." Ryou shuffled his feet. "Well, the claws kinda sorta fell off on the way back, so I think they fell out and are still in the…other…story." He smiled. "Heh. Izzat a problem?"

Misty took a deep breath. "Hopefully not."

Just as she said that, the air opened up to admit a tall, dark, hooded figure. The Golden Tiger Claws sparkled on his right hand. "You fools!" his deep voice boomed. "You got Shea Ohmsford killed! The entire Shannara series is now nonexistent! Terry Brook's popularity has plummeted, and now I'm out of a job! So now, I must wreak my vengeance upon the one who took the sword." Everyone immediately pointed at Ryou.

"May the darkness take you," hissed Allanon (if you hadn't already figured out who it was). He cupped his hands outward in front of him, and a ball of blue Druid fire sparked and grew. The eerie turquoise glow filled the room, and for a split second there was an ominous silence. Then Ryou let out a horrified squeak and bolted for the door. Allanon raced after him, throwing deadly blue fire.

Misty stared at the departing duo. "That did not just happen!" she said incredulously. "That could _not _have just happened!" She looked at Bakura and Marik for support. "It didn't, did it?'

Marik shrugged. "It sure as hell did! I thought it was pretty dang cool. I wish I could do Druid magic."

Misty shook her head. "I'm confused now."

Bakura put his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry. It's about to get more confusing."

Malik leaped through the window half a second after Bakura said that. "Ha! I found you!"

Marik glared at him. "It isn't light yet!"

"It is in New York!" Malik chuckled.

"That doesn't count, cheater!"

"There's no such thing as fair play," Malik taunted. "And you know what else? I saw Misty naked! Ha!"

"I was not naked!" Misty shrieked. "I had a towel on, you didn't see anything!"

Bakura glared jealously at Malik. "You saw her in a towel? You kept a distance of at least five feet from her, didn't you? If not, I'll kick your ass RIGHT now!"

Everybody but Malik suddenly got quiet; Lara Croft was stealthily climbing through the window behind Malik. "Kick my ass?" Malik was crowing. "I'd like to see you try! Ha! You couldn't…" He stopped talking. "What? What're you guys staring at me for?" -SNAP- Lara used her silent neck-breaker move, and Malik fell motionless to the floor.

"You killed my yami, you bitch!" Marik screamed. "You horrible, disgusting piece of tomb-robbing filth!"

"Hey, watch it," Bakura muttered. "I respect what she does."

Lara stood up straight. "What I _do_? What is that supposed to mean? You think I killed Werner? I didn't! I swear, you little-"

"No!" Bakura said, putting his hands up. "No, I mean tomb robbing! I think it's awesome! I made a living outta that a couple thousand years ago."

"You lie," Lara growled. "You think I killed him. I'll show you.." She stalked up to Bakura, flipping her braid over her shoulder. Bakura bolted. Misty was left in the room with Ryou mourning over his dead yami until Ryou scuttled into the room . Yes, scuttled. As a bright red lobster. Lobster Ryou scuttled up to kneeling Marik and pinched him right in the-

"Okay, I give up!" Misty said exasperatedly. "Ryou, you're a freak! Doing that to Mr. Winky! Marik, stop being a baby! And Bakura, I- oh hell, I'm going back to sleep." She plopped down on the recliner, and something poked her. Again. And again. And-

Misty opened her eyes. Ryou, Marik, and Bakura were standing over her. Ryou was bright red- not a lobster, just sunburnt. Bakura looked confused, and Marik looked insulted.

"How'd you know about Mr. Winky?" Ryou asked suspiciously. "Cuz I didn't mean to kill him, Bakura dared me and I thought it would be like a hamster roller coaster and-"

"I did not, you did it of your own free will!" Bakura protested angrily.

Marik pouted for a second. "I am not a baby…"

Misty goggled for a second, then slumped back. "Okay, that was one freaky dream."

Ryou squinted at her. "If it was a dream, how did you know about Mr. Winky?'

"Well, you had the Sword of Shannara, and I heard the truth about you, and you-" She stopped. She had been about to mention the part about him "loving" her…

"_Anyways_," Marik said impatiently. "It's almost dawn."

They all glanced out the window and watched the first ray of sunlight beam through the trees.


	17. Ambushed

**Living With Maniacs**

Disclaimer: still don't own YGO. I'll own something someday though...oh, and apologies for any typos. One or two of you know firsthand just how evil my comp is.

Chapter 17- Ambushed

No sooner had this first ray of sunlight penetrated the group's field of vision; something came crashing through the window, pouring smoke into the room. A dark shape leaped through the window and faded into the smoke.

"He's here!" Marik said. "How did he find us so fast?"

"He used our shower earlier," Misty said.

"And you _let_- WOAH!" Marik lurched forward as though he had been hit by something, and he stumbled into a table and knocked off a vase.

"Ah!" Misty squeaked, leaping forward and catching it. "That is antiiiiiique!" She set the vase back and grabbed Marik by the shirt collar. Then she reached into the smoke and snatched Malik by the ear. She dragged them both, whining, out of the house and shoved them into the front yard. "Not in the house! And for God's sake, Malik, would you put a shirt on?"

Malik rubbed his ear and glared at her. "Hey, you better watch it! I'm feeling charitable towards you, but I wouldn't push it!" He smirked. "You know, I've got something of yours. You left it in the bathroom."

Misty narrowed her eyes. "Like what?" she asked slowly.

Malik reached into his pocket and pulled out what looked like a small piece of pink and red cloth. "Look at this…it _is_ yours, isn't it?"

Misty slapped her hand over her mouth, then clenched her fists. "Why did you take that, you freak?"

Malik started waving it around, singing. "Let me see that tho-o-o-ong… Baybee! That thong thong thong thong thong!"

Misty glowered. "You give that back right now, you filthy little…"

"Nope!" Malik said, stuffing it back in his pocket. "I think I'll hang it up on the flagpole with a big ol' sign that says 'MISTY'S THONG.' Sound good?"

"Marik, why aren't' you trying to kill him?" Misty asked furiously.

Marik just stood there thoughtfully. "I have a thong just like that…"

"That's it." Misty stalked forward, bristling. "Give it back, **now**."

Malik did a little spin, kicked Marik over, then raced away laughing madly. "You'll have to catch me first!"

"Get back here!" she shrieked, taking off after him. Her cries brought Bakura and Ryou out of the house.

"Hey what's going on?" Ryou asked, watching Marik crawl to his feet.

"Where's Misty going?" Bakura asked, looking after her worriedly.

"After Malik," Marik muttered, rubbing his side where Malik had kicked him.

Bakura sped off after her. "Misty, wait! It's not safe!" he yelled after her.

"Hey, no fair!" Ryou yelled rather jealously; he was loath to give Bakura a chance alone with Misty. "Wait for me!" He hurried off after them.

Marik watched them go, then sighed. "So impatient, they overlooked the obvious. Now I'll have to save them." He retrieved the bag of weapons from inside the tank and strolled leisurely along in the direction of the three runaways.

Misty sped furiously after Malik, but he easily kept ahead of her. They ran through downtown Apache and began moving downhill towards the park. Malik somehow kept his footing on the steep road and only sped up, but Misty had to slow down a bit, and Bakura caught up to her.

"Misty," he panted. "What do you think you are doing?"

"Are you gonna help me catch him?" she asked him with a tone of threat in her voice.

Bakura's mouth twitched, struggling between his odd urge to protect Misty and the lure of a fun little manhunt. Well, he could hunt Malik and protect Misty at the same time. "Damn straight," he muttered. "But be careful."

"Whatever." They reached the bottom of the hill and sped up again. Malik was way ahead, cutting across the park.

"Wait!" came a cry from the top of the hill behind them. "Wait for me!"

They turned impatiently to see Ryou huffing down the hill. "Hurry up!" Misty called. Ryou promptly tripped and rolled down the hill, finally skidding to a painful halt in the loose gravel around the railroad tracks. "That was fast. Now come on." She yanked Ryou up by the arm and rushed forward once again. She saw Malik disappear into the tall dead grass at the end of the short dirt road just past the park. She gritted her teeth and raced across the park, ignoring the cries for help from Joey and Tristan (Joey was on the top of a swing set with a swing wrapped around him, Tristan was hog-tied to the merry-go-round).

They came to a halt in front of the tall grass Malik had disappeared into. Ryou was whining over his scratched face and bloody knees (since he was still in his British flag boxers), while Bakura was looking cautious.

"There's no telling what's beyond theses weeds, so we'll need to be careful and move slowly-"

"Nope," Mist interrupted, shoving past him and charging into the grass. "I know exactly what's back here." She began hopping nimbly down a steep, rocking slope; this was her terrain.

"Misty, wait!" Bakura said, hopping down behind her. "We still need to be careful!" Ryou followed them slowly, scooting down the rocks on his butt, whimpering.

"Why should we?" Misty said derisively, abandoning the rocks to balance across a pipe the thickness of a small tree trunk and elevated about ten feet above a rocking, shallow, and wide creek. "I know where I'm going."

"Obviously. But still, there's no sign of Malik, and no sign-" he started walking across the pipe as though he were on level ground "-is a bad sign."

Mist climbed up the slight incline at the other side, then turned at the top and folded her arms. "Fine. What do you suggest we do?"

"Well," Bakura said, stopping at the end of the pipe and looking up at her, "we really need to slow down and stick together. He'll have a harder time taking us down if we're in a group." He wiped the sweat off his forehead. It was early morning, but they were all burning up from the chase. "So let's wait for Ryou to catch up. They both looked back. Ryou wasn't even halfway across, straddling the pole and scooching slowly across, still whimpering.

"Hurry _up_ Ryou!" Misty whined, stomping her foot impatiently.

"So- why are we chasing after Malik? Bakura asked, realizing he didn't know.

"He took something of mine," she said curtly.

"What?"

"None of your business."

Bakura folded his arms and looked at her rather reproachfully. "I _am_ helping you catch him, you could at least let me know why it's so important."

"As I recall," Misty said in a dangerous voice, putting her hands on her hips, "I let you guys stay at my house when your apartment burned down, fed you when you were hungry, saved you from a guy who though you were a girl, babied you when you needed help, bandaged your stinkin' hand-"

"All right, all right! Sheesh!" Bakura said, raising his hands in defeat. "Calm down!"

Mist glared at him. "Besides, you don't have to help if you don't want to."

Bakura ignored this and turned to help up Ryou, who had finally made it across the pole. "Okay, let's get going again. Keep close together in case of an ambush." Misty huffed impatiently, but waited for the other two before charging off again. They followed her, showing a bit more caution than she. She walked along the ridge above the creek, kicked through some vines, skidded down a little dirt incline, hopped across a small extension of the creek, climbed up the other side, walked down a worn little path, ducked under the over hanging branches of a pine tree, and stepped over a collapsed barbed wire fence. Once over the fence, she turned to the others to see Bakura dragging a muddy Ryou up the little incline; Ryou had tripped in the tiny little creek extension. How annoying.

"Come on you guys!" Misty yelled at them impatiently. Ryou stood, and they jogged over to Misty. "You guys are so slow!" she said exasperatedly.

"It's Ryou, not me," Bakura said defensively. "And where are you going anyways? You don't know Malik went this way!"

"Very few people come this way," Misty said pointedly. "I'm guessing you didn't notice the fresh prints on the little dirt incline, these broken twigs on the pine tree, and this little bit of blood where Malik pricked his hand on the barded wire?" They gaped at her. She lifted an eyebrow, then turned around and pointed down a narrow path with a rocky, dirty wall to the right and a ten-foot drop to the creek (like a miniature red clay cliff) on the left. "And see the crushed weeds on the ground and the little trails on the dirt wall where he had his hands? He's been this way."

Bakura blinked, and the words _What a woman!_ went through his head; he managed to say, "Well I- I guess you do know where you're going, so…keep going."

Misty rolled her eyes and continued down the path.

The little cliff extended about twenty feet, and at the end the path widened and a huge tree hung high over it. Misty stopped there and waited for Ryou to catch up. Bakura was right behind her. Once they had regrouped, Misty took a good look around.

"Where'd he go from here?" Bakura asked her.

Misty frowned. "I can't tell…something's not right though, I-" She leaped forward suddenly, and there was a sort of crack, creak, a swish, and "Woah!" Ryou and Bakura were tangled together in a net, dangling five feet above the ground. Insane crackling could be heard.

"I must admit, for a moment I was afraid your unexpected tracking skills might give me away and you would realize I purposely lured you here!"

Misty spun around uncertainly, searching. "Malik? Where are you? You better get your sorry self out here and give back what you took!"

Malik chuckled but stayed hidden. "No, I think I'll stay here for a little while. Actually, I'd be happy to give it back…"

"And what's the catch?" Misty asked, still looking around for where he could be hiding.

"You have two choices. Firstly, show me where you have the Millennium Rod hidden."

"How do you know I hid it?" Misty asked, desperately trying to spot him.

"Oh, come on. If you didn't have it hidden, my demented hikari would have all of you as mind slaves by now!"

"Well, forget it," Misty growled, still turning slowly. "What's the second choice?"

Malik chuckled. "Well, I'm sure you're quite aware of how beautiful you are. If you agree to come with me and…keep me company, I shall spare your friends."

"'Keep you company'? Malik, I know what you're thinking, you sick-"

"Make up your mind, unless you want me to take you by force and start a bonfire under your two friends!"

Misty stopped circling and folded her arms. "You wouldn't dare-"

"Misty, look out!" Bakura yelled, but a little too late; Malik leaped from out of the tree, landing behind Misty, dealing a hard blow to the side of her head and sending her sprawling. Then he turned to the two in the net.

"I was hoping she wouldn't come quietly so I could set you two on fire. I have all the kindling prepared." He retrieved a pile of brush and twigs from behind a tree and set it underneath the two netted halves. Bakura, whose face was smashed uncomfortably against the net, snarled at him.

"You let me out of this and I'll show you what a real man fights like! And don't you dare lay a hand on Misty, or you'll regret the day you were created, I'll make sure of that…"

As he rambled on, Malik knelt below him, carefully constructing the firewood. Unfortunately for him, he had his back to Misty, and she was not unconscious. As a matter of fact, she had found a big stick and was sneaking up behind Malik with a look of pure venom in her eyes.

Malik pulled a lighter out of his pocket and started the fire. Then he stood and smiled t Bakura. "Well, I'll be taking your woman now!" he turned just as Misty swung the huge stick, and with catlike reflexes ducked just in time. WHACK.

"Owoooo!" Bakura howled, receiving the brunt of the attack right in the forehead.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry Bakura!" Misty cried, dropping the stick and running forward. Blood trickled slowly down his face.

"Damn, it's getting in my eyes!"

"Sorry, sorry, sorry!" Misty said, trying to wipe the blood out of his eyes.

WHACK. Misty fell to the ground, and there stood Malik, holding the stick she had dropped seconds earlier. "Well that was easy." He looked at the stick for a second, then shrugged and tossed into the growing fire. He then picked Misty up, slung her over his shoulder, and saluted Bakura. "Been nice fightin' with ya!" With that, he hopped over the edge of the cliff, skidded down it, and leaped clear across the creek.

"He got away, dammit! Ryou, help me out. Think you can chew threw these ropes?" There was a silence except for a little whimper. "Ryou, work with me here! We gotta get outta here!" Another whimper. "Ryou, what is the _matter_ with you?"

"I have to pee."

Bakura groaned. "Give me a break Ryou, you-" He paused. "Wait a sec. How bad do you have to pee?"

"Really, _really_ bad," Ryou whined. "I drank a gallon of water after I played in the hose yesterday."

"That's good Ryou, good," Bakura said. "D'you think you could put out the fire?"

"Bakura!" Ryou protested. "That's so gross!"

"Look," Bakura growled. "I don't know about you, but my ass is getting' real hot real fast. So either piss that fire out or roast to death and leave Misty in Malik's hands!"


End file.
